Reality Check

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and got a hefty dose of reality. I have gained 21 pounds since my last appointment (last year). I actually got a chance to bring up some important points that have been bothering me, such as the stress I'm under at work. He listened as I explained to him that part of my "stress relief" is eating and eating and eating when I'm stressed. I admitted it, which is part and parcel of beginning to help myself, I hope. In a way, it feels really good to admit that. I am an emotional eater and I explained to him that I eat when I get overwhelmed at work. That's something that I need to work on. He suggested that I look into Weight Watchers again. It's got an accountability factor built in. I'm considering it. I may have to weigh the difference between Weight Watchers Online and actual WW meetings.

After the appointment, I came home and hung out with my husband. It's our anniversary, so we took a few days off together. We watched The 300 together. It was the first time I've seen it. Not a bad movie. It was a bit gory, but it depicted an interesting time in history. If you haven't seen it, it depicts the Battle of Thermopolye. It was the Spartans against the Persians. Very interesting historical references. I liked it.

My boss called while we were watching the movie and left me a message to call back. He thenasked me if I would be willing to come in tomorrow and work. I told him, "NO. I have plans for tomorrow." (Hub and I initially had planned on going out of town tomorrow but we're going to go look at a house instead.) Anyway, I *had* to say no. I always say "yes" and am feeling used and abused and not respected for doing so. Well, no more. I'm standing up for myself. I know that the department will be hurting with two people out (one of the guys has jury duty tomorrow), but I'm sorry. I just cannot keep interrupting MY plans for the company. If it makes me less of a company woman, well, I guess that's my loss.

We just got back from a walk. We walked over to the school and picked up our son from school. It was about a mile and that wasn't bad at all. My doctor wants me to go walking daily. He said that most of the patients he has who have lost weight successfully have done so by portion control, watching what they eat and exercise. I'm trying to start out on the right foot.

Overwhelmed

Just a warning...this is a work rant, but it *does* end well!

I have been feeling highly overwhelmed at work.  I don't feel like I'm able to ask for help. I don't have the respect from the co-workers that I probably should have.  I've been with my employer for 20 years. This is my "anniversary year".

It's highly frustrating to know that one of my job responsibilities is to mind the phones and watch the calls holding. I'm not in a position of authority, apparently. Never mind  that everyone seeks me out to ask me for help on things. When it comes to mentioning calls holding, or suggesting things to try to help the department, I'm just invisible.

I get stressed out when I see calls holding.  When I was hired on at this company, I was told that I needed to help customers.  Then I was told, "Keep an eye on your talk time and don't let it get too high."  Then it was "don't let the HOLD time get high either."  This has been the key focus for me for my entire time here.  It's gradually been tweaked to the point where we're supposed to have an x-minute hold time.  If it climbs, we have to answer to the manager as to why.

We're supposed to help customers to the best of our abilities, but if we can't resolve problems, we're supposed to "escalate it to a specialist".  I feel like I'm in a bind because when *I* go to the specialists, I get it tossed back at me.  I know that I'm supposed to ask all the questions THEY know and can think of immediately, but it's not always possible.  It's worse if you're short handed and you know it because it makes it feel like you're carrying a mountain on your back. Sometimes asking for help is worse than just saying "I don't know."  

I guess it's just a matter of perspective.  The guys at work have a field day with my attitude.  I guess it's okay for them because they're guys.  They're all laid back and have "whatever" attitudes.  I panic about calls holding and how long they hold.  I hate seeing people waltzing in late, which happens regularly.  We have people who come to work late daily.  They take their lunch hours when they're good and ready to go, not at their assigned times.  I can see once or twice, but on a daily basis, it's annoying.   Sometimes I think they stay on the phones because they know it irritates me.  I have given up talking to them.  I just sit and stew.  That's not what I need.  Somehow, I need to figure out how to disconnect my CARING from my work.  I get frustrated at things beyond my control.  I can't change the way people are.  Not everyone has the same work ethic I have.

Luckily, I have class tonight.  I'm going to leave my angst at home and go work out very hard in class.  I've been gearing up for it all day.  I'm not going to skip because I need it.

Positives

I'm back to working on being more positive. I cannot let myself be negative because all it does is add to an already stressed me. I'm not going to do that. To start that, I chose my clothes for work very carefully. I picked out a pair of black slacks (that are a size 4--and that's a story in and of itself) and a very pretty, purple sweater that has striped cuffs and collar. I feel great about myself in it. Our Admin, M, told me that the purple was a really good color on me.
I feel like I'm standing taller today. Maybe it's partly from the thinking I did over the weekend. I spent a LOT of time thinking. I have a Shape Magazine on my desk that has a really great article about body image in it. I also have a Weight Watchers Magazine that has an article about body image in it. It's time to stop thinking so negatively about myself. Instead, I'm going to go back to telling myself something positive every day.

Today, I feel like I can climb mountains (or at least ant hills to start with).

What to do about stress...

I have been stressed out at work so much that I am daily experiencing headaches. I finally went down to HR and talked to her about it. She told me to get myself out of the office at my breaks and lunch time, so I actually listened. Yesterday, I made sure I didn't stay at my desk during breaks and left the building with a friend for lunch.
Today, I had an early lunch, so I went out for a walk. I used to walk with DB before he got his new job (this was last year...haven't walked for about a year now!). We would walk about 1.9 miles, I want to say. That was round trip. We did that for a few months, then got adventurous and changed our route up a bit. I think our total distance was about 3 miles. I could be mistaken. (It's been so long ago, I have fuzzy memories.)
Today I went out and walked our original route. It took me 35 minutes to walk 1.9 miles from start to finish. I feel pretty great about that! I was able to get out, get back in, change clothes AND nuke my lunch by the end of my hour! I feel good about that! I am not walking tomorrow unless I do it after I get home, but I plan on walking on Thursday again. If I play my cards right, I should be able to repeat the 35 minute walk on Thursday. If I walk every other day, I should start building up my endurance and cut my time down. Master G said that I should strive for a lower number on the mile, so it stands to reason that I could walk a mile in 15 minutes or less. If I was REALLY smart, I'd actually start RUNNING, but...there's a lot of sidewalk to run on. Need to make sure the ol' legs are in better shape first so I don't mangle my knees with a run.

Sunrise

I love early morning. I love seeing the sun start to peek up over the horizon. I'm lucky enough to have an apartment that faces due East. I can get up and sit in the living room with the blinds open and see the first flickers of light as it starts to fill in the window. As the sun climbs higher in the sky, the first flickers turn to streams of gold and red. It's a beautiful sight. It's calming and energizing at the same time.

The weather forecast on my taskbar says "Mostly sunny and delightful" for tomorrow's weather. If we are FINALLY on the downside of the upper 80s and 90s, I will be a very happy person!

I'm the first one up this morning, so I'm hoarding the sunrise. I'm not sharing it with anyone except the cat. I needed the beauty this morning. I spent all day yesterday being stressed by work. I don't need that stress now, so I'm relaxing and trying to put it out of my head. I'm going to have to learn to control my stress and anger better though. I don't like coming home from work so stressed out that all I do is snap and snarl at my kids. I also don't like waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to sleep from the pain of tense muscles.
I think that starting today, I'm going to practice some breathing techniques and see how that works for me.

For now, I'm listening to the birds chirping in the trees and enjoying the feel of the morning breeze through the open window. I have the sun to light up my living room. I can hear people talking at Firestone next door, but even that doesn't bother me. I have my own tiny piece of paradise right here, right now. It is morning, I have had the sunrise to remind me that I'm just a small part of the bigger picture.

Ideas to relieve stress

I decided that I was going to try a few different stress relievers today. I have a bottle of lotion from Bath and Body Works. It's called "Tranquil Mist Stress Relief Body Lotion". It smells absolutely heavenly and it was open quite a bit today! I'm also listened to music. I don't care what other people think, I HAVE to have that distraction! I like to listen to Jazz...currently, I'm listened to a CD called "Smooth Jazz Party Grooves". It's soothing to me. I have to have music or I'm finding that I'm a basket case. (case in point--last night!!)

I also made sure I got up and moved around today. I am not going to sit at my desk without moving for 8 hours. I got up, walked around the room, then went back to my cube. It was a lot better. I won't say that I'm stress free, but I'm less tense tonight than I was last night. I was able to NOT grumble at my husband for the entire drive home!!

I may start trying to do some other stress relieving tactics. Of course, breathing is number one. Number two is to try to keep myself from letting the calls/co-workers affect me. I made sure I kept my music playing all day and did my best to try to disconnect from listening to the people around me. It's hard when the phone rings next door and the network guy is immediately over in my cube, asking me how to do something. It's frustrating to do my job PLUS to tell him how to troubleshoot a machine. I can't really say anything about it to my manager because I have been ordered to help him. I normally don't mind but...it's frustrating because he has been trained but he doesn't troubleshoot. Then I hear, "Hold on while I transfer you to another department" because he can't understand the customer or doesn't know what to ask to troubleshoot. I understand, but it's hard for me to be as understanding as I need to be because I feel very much like I'm doing the work of two people--my own and "network's" too because he doesn't have the experience. I know I have an unfair advantage. I've only been there 19 years. I know I need to be understanding, but it's frustrating to answer a call, only to have someone immediately jump into my cube and start talking to me. That's something else to work on, my understanding.

Tomorrow I have to work 9:30 to 6:30. HOPEFULLY everyone will show up for work so I don't have to sign on early.

Stress is not good for you

Stress is definitely not good for the body. I'm sitting here, thinking about class and wondering if I'm going tonight. My back aches from the base of my neck to just below my shoulder blades. There has been so much stress up at work that it's driving me nuts. I'm not sure how much more stress I can take. Work has been nuts and has made me so angry, I have been on the verge of tears.

In one way, going to class would have been good for me, but then again, not going is possibly better because I'm feeling sore and ill. I'm not even going to my new leader training meeting for Scouts tonight because all I want to do is hole up in the house and not do anything. I just want to sit and be very quiet. I don't want to do anything.

Part of my problem is that I am too serious about my job. I like what I do, for the most part. I like helping people. I find a minor challenge in listening to a problem, then determining the best route to repairing it. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. Anyway...beyond that, it's frustrating to know that others in my department don't look at the job in the same light that I do. I'm the only woman in the department now. This isn't a huge department anyway--there are only 6 of us. One person is supposed to man the 'network' line full time. The rest of us are supposed to man the 'main' line and three of us cover the 'network' line. It gets very frustrating to hear a couple of the guys getting together in someone's cubicle and talking while calls are holding. It's EXTREMELY frustrating to see calls holding and know that you can't knock the calls out because as soon as you answer one call, three more pop in. When the calls start holding for as long as they did today, people get irritated and frustrated on both ends of the phone.

Today, we had a lot of calls holding. I went to lunch early today as I had to get my daughter's flute to her for her fourth period class. I was back within an hour. After I got back, someone else signed off and was gone until well after 4:00. During that time, it just kept going on and on...like we couldn't get any of the calls under control. It didn't get better until just around 4:30, which is highly unusual for us. Normally our peak hours are 10-2 and then another small peak from 3-4. This wasn't the case today.. I sure hope the rest of the week isn't like this because I will be a basket case. I've already missed karate today because I was so stressed. I don't want to miss class on Thursday. I'm already unhappy that I missed tonight. I have to get myself back on track to my Ee Dan!