Another long day

Today was another long day. I am filling in for my manager while he's on vacation. There are times when filling in for him makes me feel so much stress it's not funny. Today is another day like that. My back is sore and hurts like heck. Some of that was from work and some of that is from sitting for an hour on a very hard bench. That was at our Pack Meeting. We had a pretty good one tonight. Our Pack is putting on a Veteran's Day Parade at school. Our guys made gifts for the veterans who are going to walk in our Parade this year. I think it's a great idea. The lady behind this parade is a really nice lady who has a big heart.

The meeting was over at 8:10...Pack Leadership is supposed to clean up and get everyone out of the cafeteria (we have our meetings at the school) and get ourselves out of the building. I was *going* to attend class tonight, but...it wasn't possible as I would have spent 10 minutes driving to class and getting to spend about 10 minutes in class. I am a bit bummed by that but I'll make up for it on Thursday. I have immense amounts of work to do to get ready for class on Thursday. I know I'm weak and need to get into shape.

I still have to cement a workout plan and stick to it. I'm not walking as much as I'd like to. I haven't really walked since last week. I walked around on Saturday but not since. I am going to have to get *someone* to nag me to get my butt up and walking!! I AM getting away from my desk at work...that's a good thing for me. I now need to push it one step further and both drink more water and also work out more. Even if I don't get to test for my Ee Dan next year (and I'm thinking that unless I'm seriously improved over the next few months), I won't be testing.

One of the things I *have* to do is to lose weight. I saw my doctor last week and he asked me "Are you still doing your martial arts?" when he looked at my chart. I've gained 17 pounds back since March!! MARCH!! That's 7 months!!
I don't have any excuses. I have to knuckle down and exercise. I like being lazy. I also like the feeling of power I have when I see myself in smaller clothes. I am frustrated by having to buy large sizes when this time last year I was fitting into smaller sizes. Why am I letting myself get out of control? I'm not controlling myself the way I should. I need to exercise. I need to take charge of who I am. I accept myself, but I don't. Then I find myself full of self loathing and talk negatively about how I'm in such bad shape. I am NOT going ot let it be a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't want Mr. M's pride in me because I"m a "success story" (fat person earns black belt) to stick. I want to be proud of me because I'm good. I want to get my strength and stamina up so that when my time comes, I'll be able to go out and earn my Ee Dan and be good.