Martial arts change

Last week, I attended a meeting at the "Y" to hear what the fate of my present (??) martial arts school is.  The "Y" is consolidating and they don't have room for a martial arts school there any longer.  The owner is looking at other alternatives to the Y and is trying to make the transition as painless as possible for his students.  I can honestly say that I was very impressed by his manner.  He didn't blame anyone, he laid out the facts and he told people that he's not in it for the money.  He wants to share his knowledge with people.

I went, although I haven't been to a class in months.  I've felt increasingly more and more frustrated by my lack of progress, my memory lapses on forms I KNOW I know and the fact that I was told months ago that I'd never test because I was too "fat".  Someone had also conveniently told me that I should never have entered this program as a black belt because I didn't know their ways.  I was mad, sad and annoyed and I think I let it get the best of me.   I think it was a contributing factor to my leaving the school for an extended break.  I needed to work past that.


I'm not sure I'll be welcome back to my school.  I told my instructor that I was having a crisis and that my husband wasn't sure I was learning anything. That made him (my instructor) highly annoyed and he responded to me that he was very sorry that we felt I wasn't learning and that I wasn't willing to give learning a chance at his school.  He wasn't rude about it, but I felt like he was making it clear that I insulted him and the Dans.

When I attended this meeting, only 3 of the Dans spoke to me.  The instructor was busy with the "real" people in the school.  He never acknowledged that I was there and I guess that stings a little. I just wish I could have had him put himself into MY shoes for a while.   Ah well.  I'm working on it, a little at a time.

I'm presently enrolled in Tai Chi classes.  I'm going to concentrate on that for a while.  I'm learning a 64 move form that is very soothing, very interesting and best of all...I have no need to compare myself to anyone else in where I am in the form!!!!  In my TSD classes, I found myself constantly comparing my performance to the others in the class.   In Tai Chi, I am focusing within, on my breathing.  I can tune out everything except the instructor. It's nice.
I think I owe Michele, from another blog, a word of thanks for that.  Michele suggested, through a posting about keeping in touch with your instructor if you're on a hiatus, to realize that I'm being respectful.  I DO talk to at least one Dan, so that keeps me up with the school. 


Once I get my mind rearranged around my martial arts, then we'll see where the wind blows.  Who knows?  Maybe I will find an Okinawan Kenpo teacher somewhere and I'll *really* start out fresh...


 

A time of change

Well, while most of my friends are buried under snow, I'm sitting down here in Texas, whining about the fact that another winter has come and gone. I saw the first signs of Spring last week...as I was driving home one afternoon, I saw a robin. That's a sure sign Spring is around the corner.
On the way home yesterday, I saw a pear tree that was starting to bud out. It's very pretty to see the stark white against the darker gray of the tree. It's a sure sign that things are heading into renewal. It's also up in the mid to upper 70s to low 80's. It really hasn't rained, which is what we need right now. I keep hoping the skies will open up but...well, hopes are just that. Hopes.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I went to class last night and worked really hard. We worked on technique, which I can appreciate because I can see what I need to do to improve myself. I've decided that I am going to class not to compare myself with anyone else but to compare myself to myself from a year ago. I'm the only one I can compare to because I know where I was this time last year and where I am now.
Physically, I'm in worse shape than I was, especially as I haven't really been working out. Mentally, probably about the same, but again, maybe slightly better. Not overly sure of that. I know I have to stop comparing myself to other people. I'm going to work on that. I am enjoying my classes for the first time in a long time. I haven't felt so positive about my martial arts since I was working toward my black belt. I'm not working as hard as I was then, but...I do feel that I'm getting somewhere because I can SEE the changes.

In order to improve, I must make changes. Even the slightest change is something that will make a huge difference. It's Spring, so it's time for a renewal. I'm working on renewing my resolutions. I'm not a big resolution maker, but I've decided that since it is Spring, it's time for a change.

There's one central theme to this...In order to make myself a better person, I have to give up the old and begin anew.