Martial arts change

Last week, I attended a meeting at the "Y" to hear what the fate of my present (??) martial arts school is.  The "Y" is consolidating and they don't have room for a martial arts school there any longer.  The owner is looking at other alternatives to the Y and is trying to make the transition as painless as possible for his students.  I can honestly say that I was very impressed by his manner.  He didn't blame anyone, he laid out the facts and he told people that he's not in it for the money.  He wants to share his knowledge with people.

I went, although I haven't been to a class in months.  I've felt increasingly more and more frustrated by my lack of progress, my memory lapses on forms I KNOW I know and the fact that I was told months ago that I'd never test because I was too "fat".  Someone had also conveniently told me that I should never have entered this program as a black belt because I didn't know their ways.  I was mad, sad and annoyed and I think I let it get the best of me.   I think it was a contributing factor to my leaving the school for an extended break.  I needed to work past that.


I'm not sure I'll be welcome back to my school.  I told my instructor that I was having a crisis and that my husband wasn't sure I was learning anything. That made him (my instructor) highly annoyed and he responded to me that he was very sorry that we felt I wasn't learning and that I wasn't willing to give learning a chance at his school.  He wasn't rude about it, but I felt like he was making it clear that I insulted him and the Dans.

When I attended this meeting, only 3 of the Dans spoke to me.  The instructor was busy with the "real" people in the school.  He never acknowledged that I was there and I guess that stings a little. I just wish I could have had him put himself into MY shoes for a while.   Ah well.  I'm working on it, a little at a time.

I'm presently enrolled in Tai Chi classes.  I'm going to concentrate on that for a while.  I'm learning a 64 move form that is very soothing, very interesting and best of all...I have no need to compare myself to anyone else in where I am in the form!!!!  In my TSD classes, I found myself constantly comparing my performance to the others in the class.   In Tai Chi, I am focusing within, on my breathing.  I can tune out everything except the instructor. It's nice.
I think I owe Michele, from another blog, a word of thanks for that.  Michele suggested, through a posting about keeping in touch with your instructor if you're on a hiatus, to realize that I'm being respectful.  I DO talk to at least one Dan, so that keeps me up with the school. 


Once I get my mind rearranged around my martial arts, then we'll see where the wind blows.  Who knows?  Maybe I will find an Okinawan Kenpo teacher somewhere and I'll *really* start out fresh...


 

Happy happy!

I am extremely excited today. I have been sitting here, annoying my co-workers, talking about class. I'm really happy that I'm going to class tonight. I may have forgotten a lot, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I have been reviewing my book (Tang Soo Do by Grandmaster Kang Uk Lee) and am going to make the best out of whatever happens tonight. I'm really excited. I haven't felt this "bouncy" in a while now.
I showed the guy on the other side of the wall bits of two forms, so they're kind of still in my head (yay!!). I just have to keep myself focused on the fact that I AM going to do this. I will do well, regardless of what happens tonight. They'll either have mercy on me or they'll work me over. Either way, it's a win-win situation!

I haven't done my Ho Sin Sul and I haven't done anything with the one steps in forever, so I have to re-learn those.

I'll take a spine for Two Hundred

I truly despise conflict. I don't do well with it and am easily cowed by more forceful personalities. I have to make a phone call I don't want to make and explain my reasons for not coming back to my old school to my instructor. I am not happy about that either. I'm going to disappoint him and that makes me very nervous.

Basically, today he called my cell phone. I answered it as "Thank you for calling Mur--Um, this is Meg, can you hold on?" He said, "sure" and I was able to finish my call with my customer I'd been talking to. Then I put myself into "not available" and took that call (which is a no-no in our call center). He said, "hey, how are you?" I said "fine..." He said "Do you know who this is?" I told him I didn't recognize the voice and he said, "It's M!" Then he launched into "Don't care about the money, get back into class!" I was like, Ummmmm....I can't talk about this right now. Can I call you back? He said fine, just don't ignore him.

Now I have a dilemma. I don't want him to have any power over me. I do owe him some respect for his teaching me and helping me overcome a lot of obstacles. I also owe it to myself to be honest with him and with myself. I just wasn't happy with the way things changed. I'm a creature of habit. I truly LOVE Tang Soo Do and want to stay with that discipline. I don't want to go and learn new disciplines or new forms, more than the forms I am already set on learning. I don't want to disappoint myself by not being able to stand up for my right to explore the fullness the Tang Soo Do traditon has for me. I'm a Cho Dan and I earned it, despite what anyone else says.

There is a Sam Dan (He may be a Sa Dan, I don't know) in his school who makes me feel like I'm the lowest life form around. I didn't want my leaving to be tied to him because it validates HIS power over me but at the same time, he wasn't a mentoring type and didn't make me feel like I was worth anything. I pretty much felt like I was insignificant.
I do like myself and I am worthy of the decisions I'm making, so now all I have to do is to tell M that I'm not coming back and tell him in a polite way that I'm not coming back and it has everything to do with my determination to continue on the course I've set for myself. I am going to have my second Dan (Ee Dan) next year. I am going to be more physically fit. I will have my Ee Dan in the tradition I have chosen, which is Tang Soo Do.

Now I just need to put it into words that are pretty but firm and say what I need to get across, that I am worthy and I'm going to keep out of his school.

Post belt test/post seminar

Last night was the belt test. We held it in a church fellowship hall rather than our dojang and I think it worked out very well. It was a bit crowded, but nothing worse than what we routinely go through every time we get all the people who are testing for their next belts or re-certifying.
It was chilly last night but not too terribly bad. Since we were in a church, we could control the temperature with little to no difficulty. We did have to move a piano and some of their props out of the way, but that was done before most of the students showed up. We lined up according to belt rank order and waited for Kwan Jang Nim and Bu Sa Nim. They came in and we did the bow in. It was not that much different from the first black belt test I participated in. I found it interesting that I was less stressed and panicked over this one than I was for the first one. It may be because I was only re-certing. I wasn't actually moving up in the ranks.

After the technique (which I goofed up on multiple times), we did forms, then moved into Ho Sin Sul (self defense), then one steps and sparring. After the sparring, we did the board breaking for our Cho Dan Bo's. It was really neat to see all the family participation. Several of the kids had their parents/grand parents holding boards for them. The really neat thing was that my friend S got to test with her son, A. That was really cool! Our friend, DB was also there, working on his re-cert for his Ee Dan, getting ready for his Sam Dan. Sa Bu Nim's oldest son tested for his Sam Dan last night too. His youngest received HIS Cho Dan last night too. It was really cool! We had twin brothers and another pair of brothers testing last night too. We had a lot of families there!

My boss and a friend from work came out to see the test. They got there in time for the sparring and the board breaking. I didn't personally break any boards last night, but that's fine with me. I wasn't feeling completely "on" last night. I DID do Nahainchi Ee Dan with the second and third Dans. I should have sat down but...I didn't. When they did JinDo, I DID sit out. We broke the bong form into three different groups. That way we could all do the form and not run the risk of hitting each other in the head!! It was also a good way to showcase the Cho Dan Bo's.

This morning we had a sword seminar with Kwan Jang Nim. It was interesting. He taught us two forms--the beginner sword for and the intermediate sword form. He told us that the Master form is 120 moves long. Everything we learned today will go toward learning the Master form. We learned strikes and blocks. Kwan Jang Nim (that means Master in Korean) taught us 8 cuts. There's a center cut, inside high, outside high, inside low, outside low, inside middle, outside middle and I've now blanked out on the last one. EEP!

Tomorrow night is the banquet where they'll hand out the belts for the new Cho Dans, Mr. M the younger is going to get his Sam Dan belt (YAY!!) and the Cho Dans who recertified will get their "official" belts with their names on them. Should be a lot of fun!!

I was asked if there would be pictures from this test. I won't have any because I didn't have anyone except for two people from work there. Hubby was working and the kids were elsewhere. I will TRY to get a copy of the group photo from someone who was there and post it when I get a chance.

Merry Christmas

It has been a wonderfully relaxing day. We spent a quiet day here at home. The kids played with their new things while hubby and I watched a couple of marathons on television. TBS played A Christmas Story and SCI-FI played Stargate SG-1. I enjoyed that!

I'm going to print out my bong form tomorrow and will work on it during lunch. I've pretty much decided that my best practice time outside of class will be during my lunch hour. I don't need to spend the entire hour on the Internet when I can work on my bong form. I think it'll help a lot. I am determined to go back to class knowing that form, so it'll be a good goal to work on.

I also need to get the kids learning their newest form. If I can get them to the point where they're proficient at all the forms and where their stances are good, they'll go in with an advantage after the break. Tomorrow, that should be something we work on. It will help them to have some time to practice their forms again. I just need to convince the Young Man that he is NOT learning Sip Soo and will learn Ee Dan instead. When it's time for them to learn Sip Soo, they will learn it.

I have quite decided that having two kids learning martial arts at the same time is fun. I'm still training and am learning to be an instructor. They're learning to be martial artists. It's a lot of hard work but I am spending time with them that I wouldn't trade for anything. Plus, I see them developing as people and that's a heartwarming thing. I am watching my kids grow up.
They'll earn their Cho Dan Bo's around the same time. The Young Man will earn his first and then the Young Lady will earn hers. She's about 2 belts behind him, but that's because she started mid-June and he's been doing his martial arts since LN/YW. He graduated YW as an orange belt. Now it's time to knuckle down and do lots of hard work!!! As for my Young Lady, I fully expect that she'll outshine me in how well she does with her classes.

Belt tests, graduations and a realization

Friday night was wonderful! It was really incredible to be able to see my son receive both his black belt as a Young Warrior and his new uniform, complete with ORANGE belt! He's not starting all over! He knows two of the basic forms, so that qualifies him to be promoted to orange! I'm so proud of him! He really has tried very, very hard in his classes! We'll see how things go now that he's graduated. I'll be going to his classes with him for a while as they'll be at 6:00 on Mondays and Wednesdays. This means that he can now stay at Kids' Club full time! Woo hoo! He'll love that! It'll give him time to get help with homework during the school year. I like that idea.
While the Young Warriors and Little Ninjas were being promoted, people started arriving for the test at 6:00. Mr. M had me round them up and herd them off to the small room. Of course, I raced out of there after rounding people up and went back to the big room so that I could see Aidan get his belt and his uniform.
We had something like 55-60 people there for the Beginner/Intermediate/Advanced test. I was testing with the other Cho Dan Bo's for our CDB1, then we had four people testing for Cho Dan Bo and everyone else was advancing. I had to cheer very loudly for three people who went from white to Yellow belts because they're in the Adult class and they all have been working VERY hard!
Board breaking. I tried three times to break a board with a front snap kick and just could NOT go through the board!! One of the dads came up to me afterwards and asked if my foot hurt. You can say that! It was hard trying to put the ball of my foot through a stubborn piece of wood! I even tried my elbow and just didn't get it! I finally wound up breaking a smaller, thinner piece of wood. I wanted to break the one I started out with but it wasn't in the stars last night. Oh well. I have all summer to practice for my black belt test and that WILL have the harder wood, I'm sure!!
This week we start our Summer schedule. I'll take Aidan to school, drop him off, pick him up after work, come home, go to class, watch him and then I'll get ready for MY class. Tony will pick him up from his classes while I'm in mine. It's possible that Amanda may join the classes too, but we'll see. Our school is family oriented. I would love to have my entire family involved but this is my obsession, not theirs. Aidan so far is the only one who is truly interested in it like I am. He's looking at it from a different perspective though. I originally joined these classes to lose weight and somewhere along the line, it hooked me and I've developed a true love for the sport. If you liken this to school, it's rather like going to college. By the time I get my black belt, it would be the equivalent of graduating college. Okay, maybe that's not the right thing to compare it to because I know that college is/was a lot harder than this is, but when you start out to do something that requires this commitment, it's pretty close.

Amanda and Tony went out to see Pirates of the Caribbean yesterday. I wanted to go but didn't. I got up at 5:30, got myself dressed and ready for WW. Skipped weighing in (I had a "get out of jail free card, basically), but attended the meeting. The meeting was worth it. I heard a lady in the meeting say that she'd just come back to meetings after falling off plan because she was getting seriously frustrated. Our leader sends cards and emails to encourage us, so that's a good motivator too. Mollie said that she came back and is working on not getting frustrated that the weight isn't magically melting off. Another member said the same thing and I realized that I'm not alone--I thought that my 31 pound loss in 9 months was a bit too slow, but...it's not!! It's actually fairly normal for some of us. This is something I need to keep in mind the next time I get irritated with myself about my perceived lack of progress. It may be a slow loss, but it means I'm more likely to keep it off than to put it back on.

Ramping up for the belt test

Tonight was Tang Soo Do class. It was tough but well worth it. Next weekend is the belt test. I'm still in shock that I've been taking lessons since August of 2004 and am almost at the point of getting my Cho Dan Bo. For those of you who aren't familiar with my tradition of martial arts, Cho Dan Bo is a black belt candidate. I think I'm ready for it. My good friend (the one who's been making me go walking) has been helping me tweak my forms and get them into more presentable shape. There is one form called Ee-Dan, which I have managed to do properly. It looks so much better now and actually FEELS better as I'm executing it! I am really looking forward to it. I WANT to prove that I'm every bit as good as the people who have gone before me. I am following some really talented martial artists. I admire people who succeed at what they're good at. I didn't used to think I was good at anything, but I've really gotten to the point where I feel like I'm doing something I am good at. I've seen a LOT of improvement from where I was this time in 2004. I have not given up on this. I've pushed through a lot of self negativity. I told myself "I don't know if I can do this." but I'm doing it. I feel a strong sense of accomplishment. I still get down on myself at times for things-I know that it's no reflection on me, but I hate being last. Not everyone can be first and I'd do well to remember that.
Next week he'll run classes as if it was an actual test. This means that I have to settle down and work hard because I want to make sure I'm ready for that test!! I will be ready! Like I said, I have some really talented people whose footsteps I'm following in. I don't want to let them down.

Again, I'm very, very bad at keeping up this blog. If I was smart, I'd close it down, but for now, I'll just update it when I feel like I'm in the mood. That would be today.
Lot has happened since the last post. For example...I'm now a red/black belt. I have two months to go before I test for my Cho Dan Bo, which is my blue belt. At that point, I'll be within months (6 at least) of my black belt. I'm pretty excited about it. It's been a lot of work but I love it. It's something that I feel very confident about. I have been working very hard to get where I am now.
Joined Weight Watchers in September and as of last weekend, I was down close to 20 pounds. Of all the "diets" I've ever been on, this one makes the MOST sense. It's a lifestyle change, not a "diet". Instead of restricting me and telling me I can't have things, it's you CAN have things but in *moderation*. That's the whole key. I'm re-learning to eat. I'm happy about that. I now measure my food and weigh things. I'm no longer eyeballing food portions and saying "I can have that." I now ask "I wonder how many points that is?" Of course, if people at work want to go out, they usually tell me, "we're going here and you can go too." If I protest about the points, I get, "well, YOU can have a dry salad!" Gee. Thanks. I love that my changes are being looked at still as a form of deprivation! Ah well. If they understood what I've gone through, they'd be less likely to jump up and tell me that. I've been heavy all my life, but...I'm working on being less so. I'm active in Tang Soo Do three times a week plus a boot camp twice a week. It's all paying off. I'm happier now than I have been in a LONG time!