Starting over

It is extremely frustrating to know that 4 years ago, I was in the best shape of my life.  I was training for my black belt recertification test and felt great.  I had been sick in '07 with Strep, lost a LOT of weight and managed to work hard and keep it off.  Fast forward to 2011 and I'm back where I started with Weight Watchers in 2004.  I'm heavier than I've been for a long time.
I'm frustrated by that.  I'm irritated with myself for gaining weight.  I haven't managed to keep off what I lost.  I want to lose.  I gained weight between last week and this week (my weigh in day for Weight Watchers is Sunday).
So...I am looking at getting myself some Nordic walking poles.  I had the opportunity to get some last week but didn't. I have been reading reviews on pedometers as well.  I am determined to get healthier this year.  I had a biopsy of my thyroid on the 29th of December and am in a holding pattern, waiting to hear about that.  I don't feel like anything's wrong, other than I am perpetually cold (my boss says I'm "old") and feel sluggish at times. 

I'm going to borrow a thought a friend has.  I'm not going to make a resolution because I will break it.  Instead, I'm going to work on setting a few goals that are attainable.  I am going to work on eating healthier food and work on getting more exercise in.  In fact, my goal is to get my walking poles and walk this weekend.
 

A picture speaks more than I care to hear

I'm overweight. I don't deny it. I have some serious issues with my weight and have been battling it for over forty years. It's enough to make me feel like crawling under a rock at times.

Tonight was no different. We had our first Cub Scout Pack meeting of the year tonight. This was our "meet the boys and parents" meeting where we discussed what we are doing this year. At the end of the meeting, we had a presentation of a slide show from last year of our Pack doings. This is a fun thing to watch as our Historian puts it together with music.

It was fun (although noisy as 80 some odd boys can really SCREAM when they want to!) and amusing to watch it. I enjoyed it right up until I saw a few shots I was included in. Then I got disgusted. If I think I looked bad in the pictures, there's no telling what other people think of how I look. I just cringed when I saw them. It wasn't fun for me. I don't like seeing how big I am. In a lot of ways, it's just reinforcing what I heard last week..that I've ballooned up and have gained back my weight I lost in 2006-2007.

Definitely not what I wanted to see tonight. Of course, I'm pretty hard on myself anyway, but those pictures tonight made me feel like I need to make an enormous change.

More steps

So, in my determination to escape my desk at work, I managed to jump out and went super fast on my first walk in a year! I am paying for it today. I told my friend SS that I felt the outside of my thighs, which was really odd. I don't recall feeling like that before. I'm also feeling the pain in my shins (that I HAVE felt before)! I also don't recall being able to walk a mile and change in less than an hour!! I'm going to repeat the effort tomorrow at lunch...unless of course, I manage to sneak out of the office at lunch and not plan on returning.

I have to remember to start stretching before I go out and walk. Tomorrow's walk will be most interesting as it's supposed to be ONLY 68 degrees for a high. I know I can do it though...I am setting my mind to it. I went to the doctor's office today and found out that I have gained 17 pounds since the day of my last belt test. This does NOT make me a happy camper. I hate that I have lost my control. I am watching myself and trying to manage it the best of my ability. I know that I can use the skills I've learned at Weight Watchers again. I just have to take that step.

Before I head for bed tonight, I'll get my things together and be ready for my walk tomorrow.

Going with the flow

Not working on the weekend is my idea of wonderful. I haven't done more than go to Circuit City (got mugged by no fewer than 6 people, so I didn't stay long!), the grocery store and then back home. I know I said I was going to go to karate, but...my right Achilles tendon is not feeling 100%, so I took the lazy way out and stayed home. I'm sure I won't be chastized for it. I have to take care of this or I'm not going anywhere and I need that foot!! LOL! Imagine that! It is a wake up call to lose weight though. I have found that in the past 9 months, I've gained back 12 pounds. Not quite what I wanted to look at this year. I think a lot of it has to do with my decreased activity level. I haven't been nearly as active as I was this time last year. Last year at this time, I was coming off a heavy workout schedule...I'd been in training since mid-June for my black belt test. The last time I worked out really hard was January-March. I did my second black belt test on the first Friday in March. After that, things rapidly changed and I didn't do much to push the fitness/exercise issue.. I went with the flow.
We were told that we were going to be required to run a mile, to do a serious fitness test in order to pass our next black belt test, but no training was done for the actual running or the fitness. That was left to us. I'm not sure about other people, but I'm lazy. LAZY. I don't do more than I have to do. That's why I'm seeing my weight creep back up. That's why I've got to get on the ball and start pushing myself. I need to see success. I love the feeling of empowerment I get when I see success.

I won't be running anytime soon...my ankle feels, well, MUSHY is a good way to describe it. The other ankle doesn't feel the same. If it keeps hurting, I'll go find my doctor and see what he thinks. For tonight, I'll take an anti-inflammatory and do some stretching. It'll help. If it's not feeling too squishy or sore tomorrow, I'm going for a walk.

Weight update

The pre-test was this morning at martial arts, so I didn't go to WW. In fact, I've had a horrid week. I went UP 2 pounds and was at 200 for two days. That freaked me out. I drank a LOT of water and went down to 199 and then up to 199.5. After modifying my behavior more (more veggies, more fruit, more water, less salty garbage), I managed to hit 198.5 this morning. I'm right back where I was. I can't take my Naproxen for the tendonitis because I don't drink enough water and am, in the words of the mother of my daughter's good friend, "a water retaining cow".
I don't drink enough water WHY? Because I've let my job interfere with what is good for me. If I drink more water, my mentality kicks in that I'll be away from my desk too many times and gosh, the department will fall apart without me. This is blatantly NOT true. Okay, they do hurt whenever I'm out for a day or two. Why that is, I don't know. It shouldn't BE that way, but it is. Oh well.

So, the upshot is, I'm maintaining right around 42 pounds off. I need to get lower. I set a date of April 17th to get another 20 pounds off. That may not happen at the rate I'm going. I have to up my workouts because I think I'm getting used to the current workout. My martial arts instructor had us doing plyometrics last week so that's something I'm going to work on.

Irritated!!!

Well, it's back to an unhappy me again. WHY? Because I *gained* 3.4 pounds from my last official weigh in at Weight Watchers! I'm furious with myself. My husband says "you always lose weight, then gain it, then lose it, then gain again." and guess what? I listened to him! I gained! I don't know if it's subconscious or what, but I am seriously pissed about it! I HATE gaining weight! I want to get BELOW 200 pounds and that isn't happening very fast!! I don't know if it's a lack of water, too much food, not enough exercise or what, but I'm fed up with it!!

I went back to WW this morning and listened to an interesting meeting about stress and handling it. The leader gave us this saying:

Stay Focused
Take time for you
Relax
Exercise
Stay for the meeting
Stop, Rest, Assess
Eat Wisely
Delegate

As working women, moms, etc, we don't do enough of any of this. We need to remember this but when do we have time? We're running from point A to point B and don't have the time to stop and breathe!! It'll get better. Starting today, I'm back to journaling. I bought a brand new journal and started using it today. I have already documented what I'm eating. I have 25 points and I've used 23 so far. I have had a whole wheat English Muffin and a tablespoon of Sugar Free Strawberry preserves made by Polaner, so I'm set for breakfast. Maybe I need to add in a little bit of dairy here to make it more balanced. I'll have to play with it and see where my gains or losses are.

Oh joy...here we go again...

Bear with me...I'm ranting and raving here.

One of these days I'm going to learn NOT to sabotage myself! I actually saw 197 on Friday, then it gradually climbed back up again to 201 by today. I have no excuses, just my poor choices. I had *no problems* on Thursday maintaining, but Friday, when I cooked Thanksgiving for my immediate family, I took it as a license to pick. I picked and I picked. I KNOW better! My downfall? That turkey. I LOVE the skin! I ate the skin. I made excuses for it, saying "I won't gain THAT much!" Did I exercise? Oh no! I sat on the couch and watched football games. I didn't even drink my water!!
I weigh myself daily, just because it works for me to see the fluctuations in my weight. If I was smart (obviously I'm not since I don't practice what I'm preaching here...), I'd just go with the once a week weigh ins and keep it there. I even got hubby to agree to go to WW with me. Have I been in a month? NOPE. Too bloody lazy to get up in the morning.
That is going to change. My lifestyle has GOT to reflect healthy for my children. I have two kids who don't need to have to live with seeing their mother fighting with weight issues. THEY shouldn't have weight issues. That's part of why I enrolled them in martial arts.
Anyway...I'm not going to sabotage my loss efforts. I have a thought in my head that I picked up from somewhere..."Conscious eating". If I'm conscious of what I eat, when I eat and HOW I eat, I'll be successful. Going forward, I am going to make every effort to be conscious of my eating.

Obsession

I found a good thing at the grocery store AND it's points friendly! Chicken of the Sea ("Ask any mermaid you happen to see...") has an "Ahi Tuna Steak", so I got it. It is ONLY *3* points! It's a single serving package too. 5.25 ounces. Okay, not quite 6 ounces but it's GOOD! I also cooked brown rice and had that with my tuna. I WAS going to eat a salad but I'm stuffed, so it's gone. I have 8.5 points left over, I think. The only reason for the half point is that I ate a medium tomato and it counts for a half point. Not sure how but I won't argue.

Here's sad for you. Yesterday I got convinced to go to Quiznos with one of my co-workers. I had really wanted Subway--their Veggie Delite Salad is awesome! Anyway...we went to Q and I looked at the menu. I didn't want a sandwich. (I had a Weight Watchers Smart Ones meal for lunch already that would have been a late snack.) After debating the menu, I ordered the "Roman Chicken Salad". I figured it would be like 6-7 points. I got back to the office and went into shock. It was 16 points. **16 points!!!** I was stunned! I wound up giving it to another co-worker. I absolutely REFUSE to spend that kind of points on lunch! It would have left me like 2-3 points for dinner. I wasn't going to do that. It would have made my week that much worse than it was already...

I've had a couple of weeks from hell already because I listened to my hubby and weighed myself daily! (That was a nightmare. It's NOT a good idea unless you LIKE stress!!!)
I lost my 10% and had lost the 25 pounds too as a result of the strep. When I got back into a "normal" eating habit, I started putting on weight. That panicked me. I went virtually psycho and was on the verge of screaming daily. One of my dearest friends in the world has been following WW also and she told me very nicely "don't you get on that scale! Stay away from it!" (sorry, I didn't listen...I'm a mule.) I talked to her and told her how frustrated I was. We agreed that I've been attempting to eat right. I was panicked and she reminded me that I need to just count my points, get my activity in and drink my water!!! I haven't been drinking nearly enough water and it was showing. Plus, I was taking glucosamine for my joints at my doctor's recommendation and would wake up every morning feeling "puffy". I stopped taking it yesterday and this morning, I was down 3 pounds (shhhh! I know, I was on that scale! I'll put it away tomorrow, really, I will!!). I didn't feel puffy. Now I know that your weight fluctuates because of TOM and other things so I'm prepared to deal with that. I know that I hadn't been eating when I lost my ten percent and that 25 pounds. I'm okay. I WILL get it back off!!
I'm trying to get back on track. I've actually had 32 ounces of water since I've been home from work, just so you know! I had a pretty good meal too!

Just so you know...here's my journal for today:

Breakfast:
1 Weight Watchers Smart Ones English Muffin Sandwich-4 points
2-8 oz cups of coffee-0 points

Lunch:
1 Weight Watchers Smart Ones Santa Fe Style Rice and Beans: 5 points

Snack:
None
1-8 oz cup of coffee

Dinner:
1 Chicken of the Sea Ahi Tuna steak in a grilled herb marinade (tasty!)-3 points
1/2 C Mahatma brown rice, cooked in vegetable broth (can we count that as a veggie?!)-6 points (actually, it was more like closer to a cup, so 6 points is a reasonable calculation)
1-medium tomato-.5 points.
1-32 oz glass of water with 0-point "water mix-ins" from Walmart. That made it a Raspberry-lemonade thing.

Total points: 18

Exercise:
walking 1 hour-2 points.

I'm not hungry anymore. I'm cold, but that's just me. I'm always cold! LOL!

If you see anything you'd recommend to me to change, I'm listening!! I know I need to get more veggies in. I'm sure I could do better there. I'm going to talk to my doctor next week and see if he's heard of a reaction to the glucosamine like that. If he has, I'll have to change what I'm doing. It was to prevent me having to take medication for my knees (they hurt if I'm very active at all!). Ah well. I PROMISE, I will call the doc on Monday.

I'll be back to post an update tomorrow after the meeting. I want to get back into going to meetings. I missed last week because I had to work. I won't miss this one. I need it.
Someone's got to help me hold myself accountable!!

Boot camp last night

First boot camp after having strep and my legs are *still* jelly. We won't talk about the fact that my stoopid scale shows that I gained 6.5 pounds since MONDAY!! We won't talk about the fact that I was a fool and weighed daily this week at my hubby's recommendation. I'm mad and I'm doing something about it. Here's what the day looks like:

Breakfast:
1 Weight Watchers Smart Ones English Muffin Sandwich-4 points
8 oz coffee-0 points
1 cup pineapple chunks-1 point
1 cup red grapes-1 point
3 strawberries-0 points
1 lettuce leaf-0 points
1 Weight Watchers Smart Ones Santa Fe Rice and Beans-6 points

Total so far, 14 points.
I have 26 points, so I'm doing fine there. I've drunk 14 ounces of water so far out of my 32 ounce mug. I can drink more tonight.
What sucks is that I have to go to work tomorrow, so I'm not going to my meeting.