Reality Check

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and got a hefty dose of reality. I have gained 21 pounds since my last appointment (last year). I actually got a chance to bring up some important points that have been bothering me, such as the stress I'm under at work. He listened as I explained to him that part of my "stress relief" is eating and eating and eating when I'm stressed. I admitted it, which is part and parcel of beginning to help myself, I hope. In a way, it feels really good to admit that. I am an emotional eater and I explained to him that I eat when I get overwhelmed at work. That's something that I need to work on. He suggested that I look into Weight Watchers again. It's got an accountability factor built in. I'm considering it. I may have to weigh the difference between Weight Watchers Online and actual WW meetings.

After the appointment, I came home and hung out with my husband. It's our anniversary, so we took a few days off together. We watched The 300 together. It was the first time I've seen it. Not a bad movie. It was a bit gory, but it depicted an interesting time in history. If you haven't seen it, it depicts the Battle of Thermopolye. It was the Spartans against the Persians. Very interesting historical references. I liked it.

My boss called while we were watching the movie and left me a message to call back. He thenasked me if I would be willing to come in tomorrow and work. I told him, "NO. I have plans for tomorrow." (Hub and I initially had planned on going out of town tomorrow but we're going to go look at a house instead.) Anyway, I *had* to say no. I always say "yes" and am feeling used and abused and not respected for doing so. Well, no more. I'm standing up for myself. I know that the department will be hurting with two people out (one of the guys has jury duty tomorrow), but I'm sorry. I just cannot keep interrupting MY plans for the company. If it makes me less of a company woman, well, I guess that's my loss.

We just got back from a walk. We walked over to the school and picked up our son from school. It was about a mile and that wasn't bad at all. My doctor wants me to go walking daily. He said that most of the patients he has who have lost weight successfully have done so by portion control, watching what they eat and exercise. I'm trying to start out on the right foot.

Vernal Equinox

Happy Spring! It started at 6:44 this morning for us here in Texas. Unfortunately, I know it's still deep winter in other parts of the world and believe me, I would much rather share my sunshine with you than know that you're buried under feet of snow!

Driving in to work this morning, I fairly conscious of my surroundings. I noticed how the trees have gone from the grayish brown of a few weeks ago to sprouting leaves. They're now a soft yellow-green color in addition to the grayish brown. It's definitely been Spring here. There are the Bradford Pears (my nemesis, apparently as I get stuffy when they show up!), and then the redbuds bloom out. Right now, there's a riot of birdsong every morning. We hear cardinals, mockingbirds and of course, the ever present doves. Those birds are around year round, it seems! I think there are blue jays out and about too. Every so often you hear a loud "cawing" noise, which Tony says is a blue jay. He's a better birder than I am. It's another thing I'm just learning as I get older.

Anyway, Happy Spring. I wish a pleasant and warm day to everyone.

Award!

Claudia, of Claudia's desk nominated me for a "When Life Hands you Lemons" award for my blog. I am honored and excited to accept this.

Now, there are some steps to go along with the award:

Post the logo on your blog.

Nominate blogs that show great attitude or gratitude.

Link to the nominees within your blog post.

Notify the recipients of the award by commenting on their blog.

Share the love and link back to the person from whom you received your award.

I have to share this award with Go West and Ferland Family. Go West, just simply because I love to follow her blogs. I enjoy keeping up with her as she's moved from one part of the country to another. Ferland Family--she's a determined mom who is doing her part to change the world. I'd like to nominate Black Belt Mama as well because she's been through a LOT in the past year and a half, overcoming a devastating injury to her knee, the recovery and then another surgery and now she's back into her dojang, working hard!!

Cub Scouts on Wednesday

It's been a fun day so far. Today we went to an FBI office with Aidan's Cub Scout Den. It was a very interesting day and one that I am glad I got to participate in. We all met at the school at 9:15, then caravaned out to the office, which is out in Dallas. It took us about 45 minutes to get there. I wasn't prepared for the one bridge we had to drive over---it was in the hov, or high occupancy vehicle lane. It took us from one highway to another and I wasn't expecting it. That was a bit disconcerting, to say the least. I had to have the mom who was riding with me talk to me or I'd never have made it. My poor daughter knew I wasn't very happy and kept asking me, "are you okay?" That's something I'll have to talk to my doctor about. There's nothing like driving and suddenly having your heart race and your hands tremble!!

When we arrived at the office, we checked in, walked through the metal detector and then went to the inner offices. We were able to learn a little bit about the history of the FBI, saw several things that they use in the course of their days and talked about how the FBI works. The boys got to try on bulletproof vests and were finger printed. It was a highly informational day. I truly enjoyed it.
We took Amanda with us and she enjoyed it too. Her comment to me was that she liked the guns. They had a display case that referenced the now infamous Bonnie and Clyde. They had a display about the assassination of JFK as well.
Overall, it was educational and well worth attending.

Since we got home, I managed to break the carafe for my coffee maker, so I havne't had any coffee at all. That kind of distresses me but I'll get over it. I'm debating walking over to Starbucks and getting a cup of coffee now. I'm in an "at home" mode, so that may not happen. We shall see.

Mail time...

Wow. I actually mailed a couple of letters out today!! I wrote them LAST MONTH, but I got them out today!! I'm excited. That was quite an accomplishment for me!
I've come to letter writing late in life. I haven't written nearly as much as I'd like to, but I'm trying. Most of my problem is that I get persnickety about what I write and then wind up tossing the letter. I wrote the letters, carried them around for a while and then mailed them. Not an accomplishment, but it works. I didn't chuck 'em out, which I usually do!

Why do I do this? Part of it is that I don't want my friends to think I'm a total bozo when I'm writing to them. I don't like rambling at times--I think it'll make people read my letters and say "HUH?" I'm seriously hoping that the three people who are destined to receive my letters don't run for the hills and ask "WHY ME?"

Full panic mode

Have you ever had a week like this?

Monday, I had a doctor's appointment, which I went to. Hated it, but went anyway. Tuesday was class, which worked me over. Fun, but I felt like I'd been seriously worked over. I would do it again in a heart beat. Really!
Wednesday was 'eh'. Yesterday, I had to miss class due to an Open House at my son's school. We had to go to that. I'm very glad we did, but it was tiring. I did get a chance to talk to my son's teacher and we discussed some strategies for helping him read better/more.

I told my daughter yesterday that I was going to write a check for her Six Flags Band trip last night after I got home from Open House. Did I? Oh no. Not only did I NOT write the check, but I didn't think about it again until I got an email from my husband, telling me I'd forgotten it. Nice! I had to email the band teacher and tell her I was a dope and forgot. I'll get a chance to make it up by sending the check the Monday after Spring Break.

On top of everything else, I was late to a meeting this morning and the guys will not let me live it down. I despise being late! I didn't get out of bed on time, so that was part of it. Then, when I got out the door, it was 7:08. If I wasn't already stressed out, that was enough to put me over the edge!! I wasn't the only one who was late, but that's not the point. The point is, *I* was late and I'm not pleased!!

This morning, I've had to help someone program a machine and install the print drivers on a computer in a remote location. Since it was me and the IT guy, we had to talk the end user through programming. That pulled me off the phone for an hour while we installed, loaded drivers and did some basic training. One of my co-workers wasn't pleased that I was out of commission for that hour, as it meant HE took the most calls. Yikes!
I'm going to have to work hard to get caught up. So far, I've only taken 8 calls. I have four hours left in my work day. Do I think I'll take the 30-40 calls I normally take? Not likely.

I feel like my week has suddenly spiraled out of control. I had a few questions I couldn't answer, I've got customers who are leaving me messages as if I'm the only one who can answer them and I'm tired. Stressed, tired, grouchy.

I need a vacation. I need to go outside, sit under a tree and listen to the rain falling. Did I mention that it's raining? Lovely, wonderful rain!
Right now, I'm listening to the guys in the corner, yukking it up. They do that a lot. I wish I had as much free time as they appear to have. I'm sure they're in between calls, but damnit, it's not fair to this side of the room to have them laughing and giggling and being so loud.

Warm weather

It was up in the low 80s today, so we took the family out walking. I seem to have recovered (mostly) from whatever it was I had last week. We walked past a house that we had considered going to look at. We skipped the house and kept going to the school, where we stopped at the playground. Aidan found one of his classmates to play with. Amanda and I swung on the swings and Tony went over to the basketball hoops and shot a few hoops. We're not serious about our athletics in our house, so this was just a mild Spring outing.
When we got tired of the playground, we walked over to the grocery store to get some things to finish a project Aidan has due tomorrow (it's a planet project) and dinner. Then we came home and are now cooking dinner and enjoying the evening.
I managed to get slightly pink, so I can say that I definitely got some vitamin D while we were out there. I've also nearly finished a 36 ounce cup of water, so I'm doing great there. I told hubby yesterday that I wasn't going to be content being an out of shape person, so I'm doing something about it. It's ultimately up to me to improve my fitness. This walk isn't going to improve my cardio very much, but it WILL make me feel better, and ultimately, that's what I'm after.

One of my friends asked me earlier if I'd made it to the track at the high school. I didn't go, but this was just as good. I did get my backside up off the couch and moved it. It was a perfect day for it. I feel really good about myself right now.

Sleepless nights and Gup tests

Since I haven't been feeling well, I wound up trying to self-medicate to see if I would at least be able to breathe last night. I took a Claritin-D at 9:00 or 9:30 last night. I should know better. I wound up not being able to sleep when I finally went to bed. I read 3 magazines last night, then when I decided I really WAS tired, I couldn't doze off. It was horrible. I listened to my lovely husband snore for the greater part of the night. I finally kicked him in the butt, which woke him up enough to move. That stopped SOME of the noise. I was able to doze off for a minute, then woke up again. There's something about not being able to sleep that puts me into a seriously grumpy mood. I did finally get back to sleep at 2:30, then woke up again at 6:00, when Tony's alarm went off. Waking up that early was like dragging cotton wool off my head. It was difficult and fuzzy. He finally went off to work and I went back to sleep for about an hour and a half. I think I got up for the last time at 8:30. I stayed up after that.

Today was the Gup (colored belt) test at the dojang. I went because I wanted to observe and see how the tests were run. I am very glad I did. I was really impressed by it. When I got there, I saw some of the white belts doing their running test. I was able to get into the room and found a chair near one of my friends, whose son was testing today.

I can tell you that when I saw him test, I was really impressed by the level of improvement I saw in him. The last time I saw him in any martial arts capacity was a year ago, when we tested for our black belts. He was so much better today than he was this time last year and it showed! One of the examiners asked him what kind of kick he was doing at one point and he told them honestly what it was. I give him kudos for that. He was really good! I think his hard work is paying off! He's doing that well!

I saw my instructor there, who asked me why I was out of uniform. I'd talked about it with Tony and HE said, "you're just a student, so just attend in street clothes." I listened and MG looked at me funny. I told him that I was just observing. He asked me wasn't I a Dan. I said, yes. He said I could have helped. Again, I truly feel like I belong. YAY!

I'm about to crash for the night. I had to leave the test during the green belts because I was falling asleep. I made it home, but felt very fuzzy and felt like my response time was too slow. Maybe I can make up my sleep tonight.

Will it ever stay at one season???

If you look at the trees in the area, you'll think that Spring has sprung. Then you watch the news and they tell you, "Oh, it'll be blah blah blah degrees today." THEN you hear "Don't get used to this weather, it'll be cold again." Just give me a steady and constant temperature!!

Every day now, I see more and more trees budding out. Yesterday, the redbuds started blooming. Today, I saw yet another cluster of redbuds, so that tells me that Spring is definitely here. It was 80 degrees yesterday and today. Darned weather! If it doesn't stay at one temperature, it floats to an extreme! Not good when you're fighting something, let me tell you. I can't tell if it's allergies, a cold or whatever, but again today, I had a number of people tell me to go home. One of my sales reps even asked me how many cigarettes I'd had before he called me. Since I don't smoke, this was hysterical.

Tomorrow is the gup test at the dojang. I'm going to attend as an observer, not as a participant. I'm just a student, just going to provide moral support for a friend's son. This will be a great experience, just for the chance to see how the tests are run. Then I'll be better able to visualize my own test, whenever that will be...

Hack, wheeze...is it allergies?

I adore Spring. It's a wonderful time of renewal, but...man, it's killing me. I'm either fighting with a massive allergy attack or I've picked up something.
I've been stuffy, sneezy and feel pretty achy. I'm not sure if it's from the Bradford Pears that are blooming out or what. I sound like I've got a frog in my throat. Now imagine talking on the phone like that for a week. That's what I've been doing. Today I've been coughing and had to put callers on "mute" to be able to not cough their ears off. Heaven forbid you make me laugh!! That's worse! I've had people tell me I needed to go home. Hello? I can't leave because I'm the acting supervisor. I may feel like crap, but I'm not allowed to be sick. My manager needs me to be there because I do his job while he's gone. I'm just stumbling through as well as I can.

The only good thing about being sick today was that I managed to drink nearly 72 ounces of water. I drink more when I'm sick than I do on normal occasions. I'm working on changing that.

I got a new blog to read from one of my instructors. She's been keeping me in the loop and finding interesting things for me to read. I really think she's got my best interests in mind. It's like she's seeing my insecurities and my procrastination and she's trying to help me work around that and get better.
I truly feel that I'm in a good place in this school because of the help I get. The people in this school are sooo helpful to me! I get pick me up emails from people, I get words to think about from the head of the school. I have to say it's an incredibly good fit. I feel like I BELONG!!

Tag!

I was recently tagged by Gal Friday to reveal 7 random things about myself. I'm trying to think of random things I can tell you that are interesting...

1. I love to read. I've got 5 bookshelves in my apartment that are literally groaning with books.

2. When I'm stressed out, I write. Most of the time, I don't share it, but I write.

3. I collect snowmen.

4. I have never been outside of the United States.

5. I learned how to speak Gaelic many years ago. Not fluently, but I could speak it.

6. I'm a perfectionist. My instructor is trying to help me overcome this flaw in my nature.

7. I am determined to get my second Dan (EE Dan) BEFORE I'm 50 years old!!
(that gives me 6 years to get cracking!)

I'm not sure who I'll tag...but if anyone reads this and wants to talk about it, please feel free to comment me about it!

March

It's hard to believe that March is already here. It's amazing how quickly this year is flying by. It seems like yesterday it was December!!
I've been in a mood all day. Haven't felt well, so I stayed home from work today. It gave me the chance to do laundry and dishes. I also sat on the couch, finished reading a book and just generally hung out. The cat hung out with me, amazingly enough! Usually he ignores me but since I was the only one here, he decided to climb up in my lap and sit on me. That's actually a comfort to me. I enjoy sitting on the couch with the cat. Unfortunately, I'm his last choice of human. I keep telling Tony that I want another cat, but it's not going to happen any time soon.

Speaking of Tony, he had a job interview on Friday. He spoke to the head of the department who asked him when he could start, but then he got called by the HR department who told him that they "had to interview some other people and they'd call him." Needless to say, he got seriously disappointed and was not at all happy on Friday. As of today, he hasn't heard anything from them. I hope that something will happen soon. He needs to have some kind of good news. His company is downsizing and the company he interviewed with is upsizing. Hard to imagine in this economy, but there you have it. All we can do now is just play the waiting game.

I didn't do a lot on Saturday--just spent the day on the couch, being a slug. I went out with Amanda yesterday and went walking. That was good for us. The guys went to a bowling party, we went walking.

I contacted my instructor and told him that I wasn't in class on Thursday. I didn't go. No excuses. I just didn't go. I'm going tomorrow. I can't go on Thursday as I have a Cub Scout function...only 2 more of those and I've earned my leader knot. After April or May, I'm in the clear for a couple of months. I may have to go again starting in September.
Once the Scout functions have settled down, I'll get a chance to concentrate on my martial arts 100%. I feel a distinct need to get out and get busy in class. I can do what I can do up until the Scout things are done, but...once that's done, I'm going in with 100% effort.

Where's my motivation?

Today I'm feeling a bit stressed out but it's over me, not my martial arts. I've been stressing out over my weight again. I watched my scale climb up by 5 pounds from the start of the week until today and it really aggravates me. I know you're ideally NOT supposed to weigh yourself every day because things can change. I know weight fluctuates, etc. It's just annoying to see my weight climb up and up. This time last year, I'd lost almost 45 pounds. I've put back on 20 of that. That irritates me. I was definitely more active than I am now last year, but I was taking classes three to four times a week (my kids were involved in classes with me at that time too). I was walking a lot. I was attending Weight Watchers meetings. I was strictly monitoring my food intake, probably to the point of obsession. I wrote every single thing I ate down and tried to adhere to "if you bite it, write it." After my belt test in March of '08, I gradually started being less active. My old school changed affiliations and moved, so I decided to move on myself. I see that as the beginning of this spiral I am in now.

I am an emotional eater. I like food, don't get me wrong, but the relationship I have with it is not healthy at times. I like to eat. I know that food is fuel, but it shouldn't have limitations set on it. I don't like being told by the co-workers or friends who are well intentioned, "are you sure you should eat that??"
An example of this is the Girl Scout cookies I bought to help support a friend's troop. I bought two boxes of Thin Mints. There are two tubes of 16 cookies in each box. I opened one of the boxes and over the course of the afternoon, I ate an entire tube of cookies. A serving is 4 cookies. I had four, then closed up the tube and put it away. Then I ate some a bit later. Eventually that one tube was gone and I put the cookies out of my mind. When I told my husband about it, he asked him, "Should you have done that?!" No. I shouldn't have, but why should I feel guilty for eating? I ate them, not in one sitting, but over the course of the afternoon.

I don't want to feel like that anymore. I KNOW I have a tenuous relationship with food. I have an even more tenuous relationship with exercise. I am all talk and no action when it comes to that. I'm not sure that setting goals of "I want to lose X pounds by N date/time" is even a good thing to use as a motivator. Neither is "I want to test at N date." Plain and simple, if I make plans like that, I set myself up to fail. I feel that I have to DO something and if it doesn't happen, then I beat myself up over it. I'm over beating myself up. It's not a good thing.

I'm looking for a motivator. I need something to use as a mental kick in the butt. I need a friend to help me by saying, "Hey, why don't we go do this today?" I need something. What's a good motivator??

Being healthy is a good motivator, but I want something tangible that I can SEE, something I can feel. I want to be more positive, but it's hard, especially when I see the scales going in the wrong direction. I want to get my motivation back and see changes for the positive.

I posted a few days ago about Spring being a time of renewal. Maybe I need to think about that and use that as a motivator?

A time of change

Well, while most of my friends are buried under snow, I'm sitting down here in Texas, whining about the fact that another winter has come and gone. I saw the first signs of Spring last week...as I was driving home one afternoon, I saw a robin. That's a sure sign Spring is around the corner.
On the way home yesterday, I saw a pear tree that was starting to bud out. It's very pretty to see the stark white against the darker gray of the tree. It's a sure sign that things are heading into renewal. It's also up in the mid to upper 70s to low 80's. It really hasn't rained, which is what we need right now. I keep hoping the skies will open up but...well, hopes are just that. Hopes.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I went to class last night and worked really hard. We worked on technique, which I can appreciate because I can see what I need to do to improve myself. I've decided that I am going to class not to compare myself with anyone else but to compare myself to myself from a year ago. I'm the only one I can compare to because I know where I was this time last year and where I am now.
Physically, I'm in worse shape than I was, especially as I haven't really been working out. Mentally, probably about the same, but again, maybe slightly better. Not overly sure of that. I know I have to stop comparing myself to other people. I'm going to work on that. I am enjoying my classes for the first time in a long time. I haven't felt so positive about my martial arts since I was working toward my black belt. I'm not working as hard as I was then, but...I do feel that I'm getting somewhere because I can SEE the changes.

In order to improve, I must make changes. Even the slightest change is something that will make a huge difference. It's Spring, so it's time for a renewal. I'm working on renewing my resolutions. I'm not a big resolution maker, but I've decided that since it is Spring, it's time for a change.

There's one central theme to this...In order to make myself a better person, I have to give up the old and begin anew.

Scouting for Food Saturday

Today was Scouting for Food with the Cub Scouts.  Scouting for Food is a food drive, where the boys go out with their dens and collect cans of food for the local food banks.  Today our Den went out together and quickly got separated.  We had three adults with three boys and two adults with two other boys.  Our boys went out and worked together to collect cans of food from people in the neighborhood.  It was a success.  Our boys collected 1023 cans of food for this effort.  Last year we collected 77 more cans, but I'm not complaining about this effort. 

I was the organizer of this effort, namely because I was at Round Table and collected the bags for the Pack.  That made me the organizer by default.  (Well, that and the fact that the guy who did it last year left our group!)

I'm proud of the way the boys worked together.  It was a good effort and I'm proud of them. 

Friday

Class last night was very enjoyable. It was great to work with Ms. M on one steps and Ho Sin Sul. I learned a lot, got a lot out of it and was able to see correlations between forms and self defense. I got a lot of great pointers on judging distance too. Since I'm short, I have to pivot on the ball of my foot (easier said than done at times) to make sure I stay in position. There's a big difference between hitting someone mid-thigh and at the belt.

The one steps we're doing look like smaller pieces of forms to me. I was telling Ms. M last night that I could see a comparison between them and specific forms.
There was one Ho Sin Sul that we did which was neat...it was on a shoulder grab (or a lapel grab). I had an "aha!" moment as we did it. I can see how the defense works. I got a good idea of how to block someone as they're coming at me and we talked about positioning for a block or punch.

I am looking forward to Tuesday. I have to miss class tomorrow because I have Scouting for Food with my Pack. I can practice afterwards and may take my hubby outside to work on my one-steps. That way I can keep the movements fresh in my mind.

Overwhelmed

Just a warning...this is a work rant, but it *does* end well!

I have been feeling highly overwhelmed at work.  I don't feel like I'm able to ask for help. I don't have the respect from the co-workers that I probably should have.  I've been with my employer for 20 years. This is my "anniversary year".

It's highly frustrating to know that one of my job responsibilities is to mind the phones and watch the calls holding. I'm not in a position of authority, apparently. Never mind  that everyone seeks me out to ask me for help on things. When it comes to mentioning calls holding, or suggesting things to try to help the department, I'm just invisible.

I get stressed out when I see calls holding.  When I was hired on at this company, I was told that I needed to help customers.  Then I was told, "Keep an eye on your talk time and don't let it get too high."  Then it was "don't let the HOLD time get high either."  This has been the key focus for me for my entire time here.  It's gradually been tweaked to the point where we're supposed to have an x-minute hold time.  If it climbs, we have to answer to the manager as to why.

We're supposed to help customers to the best of our abilities, but if we can't resolve problems, we're supposed to "escalate it to a specialist".  I feel like I'm in a bind because when *I* go to the specialists, I get it tossed back at me.  I know that I'm supposed to ask all the questions THEY know and can think of immediately, but it's not always possible.  It's worse if you're short handed and you know it because it makes it feel like you're carrying a mountain on your back. Sometimes asking for help is worse than just saying "I don't know."  

I guess it's just a matter of perspective.  The guys at work have a field day with my attitude.  I guess it's okay for them because they're guys.  They're all laid back and have "whatever" attitudes.  I panic about calls holding and how long they hold.  I hate seeing people waltzing in late, which happens regularly.  We have people who come to work late daily.  They take their lunch hours when they're good and ready to go, not at their assigned times.  I can see once or twice, but on a daily basis, it's annoying.   Sometimes I think they stay on the phones because they know it irritates me.  I have given up talking to them.  I just sit and stew.  That's not what I need.  Somehow, I need to figure out how to disconnect my CARING from my work.  I get frustrated at things beyond my control.  I can't change the way people are.  Not everyone has the same work ethic I have.

Luckily, I have class tonight.  I'm going to leave my angst at home and go work out very hard in class.  I've been gearing up for it all day.  I'm not going to skip because I need it.

Happily sore

I am happily sore after class tonight. I got to work with my friend, Ms. S tonight on one steps and Ho Sin Sul. We hit up 1-6 on the One Steps (which aren't really all that hard, just bear repetition) and 1-3 on the Ho Sin Sul. I can actually see the correlation between the Ho Sin Sul and the one steps. It was an eye opener.
Ms. S and I spent the evening kicking and punching each other. It was really a great feeling to be able to walk into class, see these people and know that I'm welcome, no matter how long I've been gone. I belong!!

I met that first mini-goal I made myself. I walked back into that classroom in the dojang tonight. I said I would and I didn't give myself any chance to tell myself otherwise. Master G told me to stop making excuses for not attending class in an email and I am happy to say that I made NO excuses whatsoever! I went to class and enjoyed myself. I put myself into the right frame of mind during the Muk nyum (spelling). It's a moment of silence at the beginning and ending of class. I feel incredible now. I worked hard and that was what I set out to do. I needed it.

I'm going back on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it.

Positive thought

Here's a positive thought for today:

I am extremely flexible. I may be 100+ pounds overweight, but I'm flexible and proud of it! I can kick over my head and almost to head height on a person who is 6 foot tall!

Happy happy!

I am extremely excited today. I have been sitting here, annoying my co-workers, talking about class. I'm really happy that I'm going to class tonight. I may have forgotten a lot, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I have been reviewing my book (Tang Soo Do by Grandmaster Kang Uk Lee) and am going to make the best out of whatever happens tonight. I'm really excited. I haven't felt this "bouncy" in a while now.
I showed the guy on the other side of the wall bits of two forms, so they're kind of still in my head (yay!!). I just have to keep myself focused on the fact that I AM going to do this. I will do well, regardless of what happens tonight. They'll either have mercy on me or they'll work me over. Either way, it's a win-win situation!

I haven't done my Ho Sin Sul and I haven't done anything with the one steps in forever, so I have to re-learn those.

Positives

I'm back to working on being more positive. I cannot let myself be negative because all it does is add to an already stressed me. I'm not going to do that. To start that, I chose my clothes for work very carefully. I picked out a pair of black slacks (that are a size 4--and that's a story in and of itself) and a very pretty, purple sweater that has striped cuffs and collar. I feel great about myself in it. Our Admin, M, told me that the purple was a really good color on me.
I feel like I'm standing taller today. Maybe it's partly from the thinking I did over the weekend. I spent a LOT of time thinking. I have a Shape Magazine on my desk that has a really great article about body image in it. I also have a Weight Watchers Magazine that has an article about body image in it. It's time to stop thinking so negatively about myself. Instead, I'm going to go back to telling myself something positive every day.

Today, I feel like I can climb mountains (or at least ant hills to start with).

Sick Saturday

I don't like being sick. I feel worse when my family is sick. I woke up early this morning (not sure of the exact time), with Aidan telling me he doesn't feel good. He climbed into bed and made himself comfy. He was running a fever (very hot to the touch!), so I didn't force him to leave. I let him stay, but told him he had to be still or he'd get moved. He was good to his word...except for elbowing me off the bed!

I wound up getting up early and hanging out with the cat. I had coffee, read a few magazines and had the cat sit with me, enjoying the silence. I got a chance to watch some home improvement shows on HGTV. I haven't watched HGTV in months! I usually don't get the television to myself in the mornings. Usually it's controlled by one of the kids and they're watching one of the shows they've recorded.

The little guy is still feeling puny--he's laying on the couch, sleeping, currently. I'll get him to his room shortly and tucked in. He's definitely not feeling well because he didn't even eat his dinner and I didn't hear about how hungry he was all day.

Hopefully this is a 24 hour bug. I've heard from another parent whose son is in our Cub Scout pack that his son was sick with a bug too. Hmmm. I hope it clears up soon!

Mother/son Dance

This was taken before the Mother-Son dance last night. Doesn't Aidan look great in a suit?? He wanted a suit for the dance. I think he looks spiffy! He had a lot of fun and so did I. I really enjoyed the dancing. For someone who hasn't done any serious exercise in the past 2 1/2 months, this was incredibly good! My feet, legs and arms hurt today, but it's a good hurt! I want to do this with him again next year, I'm thinking.

This was when we got there...he had his boutonniere pinned on him by a high school girl and he was holding the carnation. The next picture is going to make you laugh...and I have no idea why he did this, but everyone thought it was funny, so I had to take the picture!

He took a picture of me too, hence the angle.


We had fun. They played a lot of songs that I'd never heard before. I guess I need to listen to Radio Disney because several of them are played on it, I think. They played a Celine Dion song for the moms, they played several songs that had everyone moving forward, backwards, etc. It was like line dancing. They even played Thriller, and I danced it for the first time! The DJs were wonderful! They had a lot of fun and we had fun! We saw at least four people from Cub Scouts, including Aidan's teacher and her son there. Two of our den members were there with their moms and one of the older boys from the Pack was there with his mom. It was great!

Today, I'm recovering. I haven't been wearing heels since September or October and my feet are letting me know it. Plus various parts of me are protesting. I enjoyed it and when I get the photo we had taken last night, I'll get my one co-worker to scan it in and I'll post it.

Another checkup

I had a follow up on my eyes yesterday. I'm healing pretty well, all things considered. It was a good visit, in my opinion. I talked to the opthalmologist (not Dr. B this time) about healing time, etc. He said it can take up to 3 months for things to get to 'normal'. There was a piece of GOOD news out of the whole thing...I read the 20/15 line! He was pretty impressed with it, especially since I had been so horribly nearsighted. I was happy to hear that!
The incision is still "dry around the edges", so I have to keep using my drops every thirty minutes. I'm bad about that, especially at work because I don't always think about it. I don't have timers set either. Other than that, the only other thing was that I lost one of the punctal plugs (tear duct plug) and he had to replace it. That was a fun thing because he accidentally poked me and I jumped. I'm sorry, I don't do surprise very well!

When I got back from the doctor's office, work literally hammered me. It was a super busy day here. We were short-handed, which couldn't be helped, but didn't help us. Every time we'd get the calls cleared out, it seemed like we'd barely catch our breaths and there'd be MORE calls! I had a discussion with one gentleman about the fact that he couldn't receive from one location. 30 minutes later, we were convinced that it was a phone line issue. Needless to say, that was a long call that my manager wasn't pleased about! I had another long call with a sales manager, trying to help him with an issue HE had.

Today has been a tiny bit better...it's still busy and nutty but nothing like yesterday. It helps that most everyone is here.

I'm going to TRY to use the hour of comp time I have (from last week, when we had the ice storm, came in late and worked through lunch because we didn't know when to go to lunch!) We'll see if my director will let me leave. I hope so. I'd really like to go try to find a nice jacket for Aidan. He's taking me to a "Mother/Son Dance" tomorrow night. We got our tickets in the mail yesterday.

Goal Setting

The Seven Step Process for Achieving Goals
Here, once more, is the simple, seven-step process that you can use to achieve your goals faster and easier than ever before. 

First, decide exactly what you want in each area of your life. Be specific! 

Second, write it down, clearly and in detail; 

Third, set a specific deadline. If it is a large goal, break it down into sub-deadlines and write them down in order; 

Fourth, make a list of everything you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal. As you think of new items, add them to your list; 

Fifth, organize the items on your list into a plan by placing them in the proper sequence and priority; 

Sixth, take action immediately on the most important thing you can do on your plan. This is very important! 

Seventh, do something every day that moves you toward the attainment of one or more of your important goals. Maintain the momentum!

More musings

This was something I had posted a few years ago (nearly 2 years ago) at a different blog. It's an interesting treatise.

This week I want to take some time in talking about Moo Do, “the Way” of martial arts. Now, I’m not brilliant so I’m going to take a lot of this from a Texas-based master named Keith Yates. Grandmaster Yates is an adjunct professor at Dallas Theological Seminary, so he pretty much knows what he’s talking about.

Moo Do, Korean for “The way” or path of martial arts is broken into three aspects, the physical, emotional, and mental. The physical portion of Moo Do is fairly simple, we train for the cardiovascular, strength, and flexibility. We want to improve ourselves, to look better, to be faster than our peers or even our spouse.

The emotional aspect (the heart of the matter) focuses on happiness. How is happiness determined? I once thought it was more money, then more time, now I find that it is more honesty. I like being around people that have a good heart, do not complain about what they can’t change, and make positive contributions to society. This makes me happy, it feels me up emotionally, it makes me smile.

The last part of Moo Do is the mental. I hope you agree that by asking each of you, students and parents, to bow when you enter the training rooms has instilled a sense of discipline. Respect and Discipline are very important to succeeding in life. Bill Gates (MicroSoft) has recently given up the majority of his duties as head of the company, so that he can focus on charity work. What do you think he can accomplish when he focuses himself and his disciplined mind onto solving the world’s humanitarian problems?

So, tomorrow I am asking you to set three goals for yourself. 1) Train harder and eat better, 2) Be more honest and happy, and 3) seek knowledge by learning something new. Balancing out your life and setting the mindset of perfection will make you stronger. Achieving the balance of Moo Do will enable you to be a better martial artist, to become a black belt in you heart and in your mind.

Monday morning musings

Last week we had an ice storm. I picked up one of my co-workers on Wednesday from the train station and while I was there, I was inspired to write something. Since then, I haven't been able to find that notebook I wrote in. I haven't seriously written poetry in years. I keep reading my friends' blogs and am envious that they have found their Muses. They're artistically inclined. I don't draw. I don't paint. (My kids both do) I want to do something that is artistic. I guess in some ways, my martial arts is an outlet for me to be artistic in a way. It's definitely a soothing, calming thing. I find that it's meditative as well as physical. I wonder if that's considered artistic?

I've been thinking about moving too. The lease is up on our apartment at the end of March. We can either stay where we are, or we can try to find something less expensive and move. We found a house for lease, but...the problem there is that we'd have to move Aidan out of his school. I really don't want him leaving his school because I know the teachers and the people there. I like this school. I guess I am not being fair because I'm not giving the other school a chance, but I'd rather keep him where he is. I still have a month to think about it.

Sunday...Tag!

My friend, Gal Friday, tagged me on her blog, so I decided to go ahead and post this.

This is what you have to do:

1. Go to the the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.

2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.

3. Explain the photo.

4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun!
I tag Claus, Lorraine, Claudia and April.

This picture was taken in December, 2005. My daughter was in Girl Scouts and we were taking part in a Christmas Parade hosted by the City of Allen. This is the High School marching band. This band is incredibly good and sound just wonderful! We heard them coming through the trees, before we even saw them. We were sitting in the back of the leader's husband's pick up truck when they came by. It was very chilly and lots of fun. The whole parade lasted an hour or so from when we went to the staging area to when the parade ended. I look forward to attending parades when my daughter is in the Marching band because I'll be able to say "My daughter is in that band!!"

Have to brag about the Cub Scouts

At the November Pack meeting, I challenged all the boys in the Pack to collect cans of food for a food drive to correspond with the one my company was holding. I challenged them to collect 10 cans of food per boy. One of the boys was really dedicated. Here is his dad's recounting:

My son, W really took the December Food Drive to heart
He did a lot of work, collecting a total 86 cans of food!

He started by writing a letter -- asking for assistance
He delivered the letter to 91 families throughout the Waterford neighborhood

The letter began by saying “He is proud to be a Scout”
The letter explained the reasons why he was collecting the cans of food
It told them when he would come back to pick-up the cans
The Waterford neighbors were generous

W collected 86 cans of food.
As he went through the neighborhood, he used his red rider wagon to collect the cans
It took three trips back to the house to move all of the food

W wrote a “thank you” letter
He delivered it to each family that helped in the food drive
After it was over W said, “Some needy people would have a meal because of the Scout’s efforts”

That is a great boy and he embodies the Spirit of Scouting!!

Scouting Saturday

Today was the Pinewood Derby at school. We had a lot of fun there. I don't know the final count was, but I think we had a good turnout.
We got there around 8:45 for check in. They weighed and measured our car, then took it and added it to our class for the race. Once you've checked in, you're free to go. I talked to one of the parents in our Den for a few minutes, then we left and went to have breakfast and do some chores. We came back at 10:30, which was in time for the end of the Wolves and beginning of the Bears. That was fun. Our car was a solid second place car in every heat it ran in, until the semi-finals. At that point, it fell to a faster car. Overall, it was a lot of fun.

There were no "injuries" to the car--the wheels stayed on the car, nothing broke. Yay. The only thing that happened was that the software hiccuped but we worked through that. Our next step is to plan for the Scouting for Food, and the various things that are going on. We have our Pack Meeting on Tuesday and then I have to go to Round Table on Thursday. Round Table, I'm finding, is a lot of fun. It's an hour or so of games, then they have breakout sessions to help plan for things like Blue and Gold (the banquet to celebrate Scouting and the Crossing Over of the Weebelos to Boy Scouts), campouts, etc. Busy, busy!!

Tomorrow I'm staying home and doing NOTHING. I want to relax and rest.

Heading to Pinewood

Pinewood Derby is Saturday. We are ready. We have two cars, but only one of them is painted. If I was smart, I'd get the second car painted and have it ready to go. The first car is a green color, called "green goddess" by Valspar. It's a nice, light green. The car now has flames on the sides and "eyes" near the nose end of it. There's a sticker that says "Hot rod" on the back. Overall, it's a cute car.
Aidan likes it. We are taking it to the school for a pre-race inspection and weight. I might let him run it on the track for a few tests to make sure it runs well. After that, it's back home and time to rest and get ready for Saturday.

I went to martial arts tonight to just let them know that I'm around and still planning on coming back to class. I spoke to Master M, Ms. Mad and Ms. S, plus Mr. L. I was very happy to see them. I feel like it was the right decision to go over there. I had hoped to see Master G but he wasn't there. I'll go another night when he is there. In the meantime, now I need to kick my butt back into some workouts so that I can get myself into shape to go back. I feel very confident that this is the place for me. I didn't feel ashamed for being out. They were nice and didn't make me feel bad at all. On the contrary, I felt like I was right where I belonged.

TADA!!

This is the first picture that's been taken of me since having Lasik.

Another thought provoking email

My instructor sent me another thought provoking email last week that I just picked up today. It took me pretty much all day after I initially opened it up before I read it, but I do think he was spot on, as usual.
Once a month we have Dan training at the dojang. He told me that I was more than welcome to come to training. I said, "I'll try, but I'm not sure what time I'll be finished walking, since I'm working on my 5k goal." He said that personally, he thought the Dan training would have benefited me more because I would have been working with the Dans of the dojang, and hopefully building a better relationship with them. He reminded me that I can work with Gups, but as a Dan, I have a vested interest in working with the Dans and learning what I need to learn to improve my technique, etc. As usual, CSN was extremely correct in his assessment. I'm pretty impressed with him because he's super intuitive and reads a lot of what's left unsaid or unwritten. All I can say is "wow". He did tell me that I don't have to feel afraid and that I have no reason to be afraid of attending the Dan training. Here's where my stupid thinking gets in my way again!!! GRRR!! I need to really work on my self esteem and my thinking.
Well, I am thinking that I may go ahead and sneak off to martial arts tomorrow. I was going to find the personal trainer here at the complex first and see about working with him. I may still have time to sneak off to the dojang afterwards. I won't commit myself to anything until I see what happens tomorrow.

Pinewood Derby procrastination

If you're the parent of a young boy in Cub Scouts, you'll understand when I mention two words that have been on our minds lately...Pinewood Derby.
We have the pinewood blocks that are the cars...or are supposed to be the cars. Saturday is Pinewood. Have we done our car yet? ha! No. My husband picked up a Dremel tool yesterday, but then they didn't do anything with it. They sat on the couch and watched television, played video games and generally goofed off. This is a last minute thing, or so it would seem.
Our assistant Den leader is being kind enough to take our Derby car over to his brother's house to use a band saw to do the rough shape of the car. He said he'll take the axles and polish those for us, plus he'll sand the burrs off the wheels (the burrs are left from the molding when they created them). That pretty much gives us the base sanding and painting/stickering to do with the car. I really appreciate his offer because it means that I don't have to scramble around at the last minute every night this week, ranting and raving that the car isn't done. He has a base design, but he's not sure how it'll be. I'm not either. We sketched out the idea on a piece of paper, but translating that to a block of wood? Yeah we'll see how that works!!

I didn't get my walk in today--so my friend now owes me a cup of coffee. It's a bit chilly outside so I guess that's okay. Next week, we'll have to go either in the afternoon on Saturday or on Sunday morning as Pinewood is Saturday.
I still need to find the charger for my camera's battery so I can take lots of pictures of Pinewood.

Doing a Happy, Happy Dance

I am doing a serious happy dance here! I haven't used any medication in my eyes other than my artificial tears since 4:30 pm. I ran out of the one medication which I'm supposed to be down to once a day on now. I haven't filled my new prescription for the other drops which are three times a day for a week, then two times a day for the next week and then once a day for the week after that.
I'm actually even seeing well, believe it or not!! I didn't pay attention to the traffic and street lights this evening when we came home from the District dinner we went to (Cub Scouts), but...I'm not feeling too bad right now. I'm making a concerted effort to remember to BLINK, but...I'm happy. I can SEE. I may just take my book and go back and read some more!!

As of today, it's been exactly a week since my surgery. I think my recovery has been pretty good. Yes, I've been off work for a week. Yes, I've had to put my face up on my monitor to post updates, but ultimately, I do feel that it was well worth it. I'm not going to have to worry about contact lenses or anything like that now. Yippee!!

I'm about to go offline and put away my laundry, then put my eye drops in for the night. I'm cheering loudly and hopefully, my best friend will go walking with me tomorrow. Otherwise I'll have to kick his derriere. (He knows who he is because he reads my blog occasionally!!)

And then there were none

No contact lenses!! I'm free!! My vision isn't where it should be, but it's improving by leaps and bounds! He tested my eyes with the left eye covered and the right one uncovered but with the lens in it still. It wasn't good, but wasn't too horrible is what he said. When I first went to see him, he said I was finger counting only, which meant that I could only see fingers at any distance. Now I'm away from that. Hooray!!
I still have to use the drops in my eyes for two more days, every three hours. Then I lose one and stay with the other for a week, along with another drop. That'll be three times a day, then down to twice a day for a week, then once a day for a week. I'm pleased. I know my manager is pretty well pissed off about it, but you know what? I'm not going to stress over it anymore. I give them a lot of my time and energy and I'm not going to fuss over being out a week already. I have five weeks off a year, so I'm sure I have plenty of time left. Plus, like I said, I give them a whole lot of extra time.

I'm celebrating my vision right now. He said I was cleared to drive and that I'd pass any driving test that was given to me, so I'm happy. Now all I have to do is to finish out this week with the funky goggles I'm wearing at night. I hate them with a passion, because I have to tape them to my face. I've had one incident where I managed to rip them off my face somehow...and I'm not even aware that I did it. All I know is that I woke up with them in the bed with me. LOL!! I think the adhesive got to me.. I will be happy to say goodbye to that because my poor face is dried out where the adhesive has been. It'll take a while to recover from that.

I see Dr. Boothe next week, on Wednesday. Then I'm not sure when I go to see him again. I am sure it'll be another follow up in a month. Let's hope that it just keeps getting better and better. Now all I need to do is lose some weight!!!

New year. New me. I like it!!

Driving (me crazy)

I snuck out of the house today and drove!!!! I took my car to the grocery store because I had to get a birthday cake and card for my son. I got the cake, forgot the card! I was being horrible and didn't want to walk. The wind was blowing and I didn't feel like walking around in my "bug eyes" (my goggles). It was bad enough walking in from the parking lot to the store with my goggles on! I'm very self conscious and feel like everyone is staring at me. (That's a side effect of my childhood.)

So, after braving the sunlight (why do I feel like a vampire??) and driving, I came back home and got comfy with the cat. I was relaxing on the couch, sleeping through CSI: Miami when my manager called!!! He asked how I was feeling, what I was doing, then cut to the chase and asked was I going to be out the rest of the week. I said, "Yes." I have a note for him, so I've got that covered. I'm a little concerned about his reaction to that though. I will make sure I get my doctor's notes scanned and sent to the HR lady this evening. That way my butt is covered. I suddenly feel like I'm on the chopping block.

After talking to the manager, I snuck out again and picked my son up from school. I'm really not cleared to drive yet. I can see my monitor right now, but I am seeing blurred. I am blinking a lot, trying to keep the tears in my eys. I'm sorry I've inconvenienced the department, but...I DID try to make it convenient for them by scheduling surgery on Saturday. I had no idea that I'd be one of the few slow people!! I guess next time I need to figure out how to expedite the healing process or something.

We took the little boy out tonight to Toys R Us to get his birthday present. He now has one of the games he wanted. He has "Sonic: Unleashed". I'm glad he has it, but I've got to really watch how much time he spends on the Wii, playing it. I'm going to be super grumpy about it and make sure that he's out moving around too.

Speaking of moving around, I might try my hand at Wii Fit tomorrow. Haven't used it since December, so it'll be a good time to break it out. I don't think I have to see too well to follow the feet marks on the tv or see the blue and red flags for the downhill skiing.

Halfway there

Today I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Boothe. First of all, I think they were terribly packed. There were people waiting in any waiting room they had. It took the better part of an hour before I got to the back to see the doc.

They took measurements and looked at my eye, then sent me off to yet *another* waiting room. I forgot to bring my tears with me (you have to use artificial tears after Lasik because your eyes will be dryer than normal), so I had to bum some off the guy who examined me first. He measured my right eye first. Then he measured my left eye. That wasn't so bad. The bad thing was waiting another 30 minutes before I could see the doc.

They took me into an exam room and Dr. Boothe looked at both my eyes. He seemed a bit surprised that I was still wearing contacts. He checked my distance vision in my right eye first. I couldn't read anything. I've been a bit worried about my right eye anyway, so that pretty much verified that it wasn't right to me.
When he checked the left eye, it appeared to be fine. I still don't have the greatest vision, but I WAS able to read things with the left eye. He had me use both eyes and made a decision about taking out the contacts at that point. When he took the contacts out, I swear, it felt GOOD!! He checked my tear production and decided that I needed punctal occlusions (those block the tear drainage ducts so the tears stay on my eyes, not evaporate). They installed those, then put another contact back into my right eye. He said that the epithelial cells in my right eye weren't healing as well as the left eye. I asked him if it was age and he said no, it's heredity. I think he said that 1-2 out of 100 people would have this difficulty. Oh nice. Bear in mind that I've been a bit worried about my eye since Sunday. It hasn't been very comfortable, what with the itching. I have what appears to be a black eye right now, plus my right cheekbone is red. Kind of looks like someone whapped me!

I'm out of work for the rest of the week and have a doctor's note to give to my manager. I'm not pleased about using my personal time all at the beginning of the year, but at the same time, I can't control how fast or slow I heal. I tried to accomodate my employer by having the surgery on Saturday. The healing process has to be up to Nature.

Dr. Boothe wants me to come back on Thursday afternoon so that he can examine me again. I HOPE he'll give me clearance to drive again. Only time will tell. I"m not going to push that. What I find is really wicked is that right now, I can read my monitor without putting my nose up on the screen tonight. I have to use my artificial tears and that's fine. I'm able to see better. The really great thing?? I don't have to wear glasses!!!

In a fog

I'm in a fog right now. My vision is blurred and will be so for a while. I am starting to regain the vision in my left eye, but the right eye is a bit annoying. It hurts, itches and looks like someone punched me! I have pictures, but I'm not posting them yet. I have to be able to see first.

Today I stayed home since I was not in any condition to drive. I was supposed to work from 9:30 until 6:30 but...well, obviously that didn't happen.

When they did the procedure, they put a contact lense in each eye to protect the incision from being damaged, plus they were trying to get it healed. I swear, my right eye has just driven me nuts since I came home. I can't scratch my eye. I'm really not supposed to touch it because I the risk is tehre of causing a wrinkle in teh flap of epithelium. I have been rubbing my forehead to keep from going nuts. I am not sure how much longer I can take thei aggravation.

I'm pretty much putting a lot of artificial tears in my eyes. The guy I saw on Sunday said that I wasn't going to hurt myself by using artificial tears.
I go in tomorrow at 3:15 and will talk to them about the itching and see what they can do for me. I HOPE my right eye is healing. I am pretty sure the left is because I can see some things. I considered it a huge victory when I watched televisioni today (A&E) and was able to read some things on the television. YAY!!!

No Glasses!!

Okay, it's time to laugh at me. I can't see what I'm doing very well. I know I"m typing, but we'll have to hope that my knowledge of the keyboard is good enough to compensate for the fog I'm in.

Why a I in a fog? I had LASIK yesterday. I went in on Thursday and was told that my pre-tax dollars I put away out of my paychecks would cover it, so I jumped at the opportunity to get rid of my glasse. Now I'm sitting here, in a fog, not knowing when my vision will go back to normal.

I went in at 3:00 yesterday afternoon. My appointment was at 4:00 and they wanted me in an hour early. When they pulled me back, they asked the usual things like "how much do you weight" (for medicating purposes), had I eaten, blah, blah blah. You couldn't wear any jewelry because it would cause problems with the laser. It was okay-I left all my jewelry at home.

After they gave me the sedative, I went in and saw a doctor who marked my eyes for the laser. I asked him, being me, was he drawing a smiley face on my eyes. He had no sense of humor and said "no." Very flat. Did he not think that possibly his patient could have been a tad nervous?Oh well.

Once he had finished with teh lines, he sent me out to the waiting room (where, incidnetally I had frozen on Thursday). There were two other people in the room, waiting their turns. The one lady and I got into chatting about the surgery and about how we didn't shop around. Each of us knows someone else who went to Dr. Tylock, while we went to Dr. Boothe. We had a good chat, then they called her in the back. I sat in the waiting room again by myself for about another 30 minutes, then they came and got me. I was the last one in that run.

They took me back to the surgery room which had 3-4 beds or so in it. There were chairs off to the sides and they led me to one of those chairs, told me to sit down and close my eyes. They gave me a blanket too. I believe they wanted the eyes closed so that I woudln't look at the lasers.

They took me up to the first table (I was allowed to open my eyes then), put numbing drops in my eyes and then it was show time. They had me arrange myself on the bed, covered me up with my coat and a blanket to keep me warm. They let me cross my ankles, which was good, but once they got started, I was to sit absolutely still. The one guy talked to me and told me that I would feel some pressure, then it would go black. He wasn't joking. I saw the ring thingy they put on my eyes, felt a bit of pressure, then I saw "sparkles"--multicolored sparkles. After that, there was nothing. They did my right eye first, then my left. It was actually kind of neat, even though I went blind at that point.

They helped me off the bench, then took me to another chair where they covered me up with a blanket and I waited for part two. Then they came over and got me and took me to the next table. This was the one where they actually shaped the cornea. The first one was the incision, where they created the 'flap'.
I had to look at the laser while they did the procedure. The machine made a knocking noise as the laser pulsed. It was an orange light laser. I found it interesting.

When they finished that on both eyes, they put a contact lense in each one. Some people would be getting them out at their follow up appointment, but mine didn't come out. They had a problem with them on Saturday night, so they said that it MIGHT come out today. That didn't happen. Tony took me to the appointment. I am not cleared to drive. My vision has a "fog" quality. Sometimes it's sharp, but most of the time, it's very foggy. I have to use artificial tears every 30 minutes, and medicated drops every 3 hours. He gave me another medication that I have to put into my eyes once a day. That's another, more powerful antibiotic. I was also given some Vicodin, but I'm trying not to take it. I don't like taking drugs as a rule.

My eye doctor has a black belt in Taekwando, so when I consulted wiht him, I asked how long it would be before I could go back to practicing. He said, "You can do forms in a day, but no sparring for two weeks. After that, you must wear goggles for sparring for another month." Well, as I don't spar all that often, as I'm out of classes for a while, that's going to be good. I'm really looking forward to going back to class without my glasses. I'm excited about it.

I'm typing this with my nose practically on my screen, but intermittently, I can see what I'm doing without having to put it there. I hope that by tomorrow, I'll have a better view of the world.

Thursday

I'm leaving work early today. I'm going to go find out if I'm a candidate for Lasik surgery. Not sure when or IF I'll have it done, but it never hurts to find out if you're a candidate. Being a martial artist, it's a lot easier to do falls and rolls if you're not having to worry about your glasses. If you're in a street fight, would you stop fighting and ask your opponent, "Hold on while I take my glasses off"? I seriously don't think so! Anyway, if I AM a candidate, I get to get some information about the cost. If it's too much, I'll have to wait a year until I can get my flex spending to cover it. Not a biggie...I've been waiting 30+ years to lose the glasses already. What's one more year, right??

Being without glasses would be a marvelous thing. I have dreamed not wearing glasses since I started wearing them years ago. I've been in glasses since I was in the 7th grade. Unfortunately, I'm horribly nearsighted and it's hard to get glasses that don't look like Coke bottles when you're a kid and that nearsighted.
I can't wear contact lenses because I have dry eyes. I wore them for years and had to quit because my eyes got progressively worse.

I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. I want them to say, "Yes, you're a candidate, we'll do it tomorrow." I want the price to be right (free would be nice!!) but I'm sure that's a big stumbling point. I'm worried that they'll say, "You're a candidate, but it'll cost you 10,000.00." That would put it on the "whenever I win the lottery" wish list only.

No walk today

I didn't walk today--it was cold and wet. I don't mind the cold--that's why I have a wool coat with a hood and gloves. I DO mind the wet though, so I didn't go out. I actually also mind the North wind that was blowing pretty hard most of the morning, so that was another deterrent.
To compensate for the cold and the lack of walk, whenever I left my desk, I walked quickly from point A to point B. I figured I'd sneak in a walk wherever I could. If hubby wasn't watching the Texas/Ohio bowl game (why? It's not a #1 game!), I'd be playing on the Wii. I may still take over and use the Wii. It depends on my mood. I have had a request to find bubble gum from the little guy--apparently he needs it tomorrow for a test simulation. UGH. Tests!!

I didn't practice forms even. I was too busy answering the phone. It was a "let's catch up on the fact that you were closed on Friday after New Year's!" type of day.

Sunday blogthing

I was bored tonight, so I decided to give Blogthings a peek. I happened to find a "fitness" thing, so I'm posting it here for my amusement.

You're Pretty Fit

You do your best to work out, but you probably don't do it as much as you like. Maybe you need to do mini-workouts throughout the day to fit in exercise... Or maybe you need a whole new activity to motivate you.

Are You a Fit Girl?

One 5k down

This morning was a perfect morning for a walk. It was 60+ degrees when I left the house and went to the park to go walking. My friend was already there, so when I got there, he got out of his car and we took off walking. We didn't really check the time when we started out, but it was about an hour and ten minutes to an hour and 20 minutes for the walk. I'm guessing as I didn't time it either. Since we added in the lake lap, it was a full 5k.
We didn't run today, but as we're both getting back into the habit of walking, it was a good start. We both chatted as we walked. We talked about fitness plans, martial arts, etc. He's in better shape than I am since he has access to a fitness center at work and exercises there, but it was really nice of him to join me this morning. I told him that I plan on walking every weekend, plus I want to start walking at work too. I'm going to pack my clothes for walking on Sunday night so that I'm ready to go at work. I have a later lunch on Monday--I work 9:30 to 6:30, so I go to lunch at 1:30. That'll be a good time to get out and get a walk in. The other days, I go to lunch at 11:30. I'm going to be ready for it.

Since I've been out and walked, I feel like I've accomplished something. I set my mind to walking and I did. Now my next step is to get my time down from an hour and some to about 45 minutes or so. Even if I just walked for an hour, it'll be a bonus.

I also took the opportunity to have him grab me so that I could practice my Ho Sin Sul. I need the practice and he was there, so I got in the practice. I remembered 3 out of four of the Ho Sin Sul I did on Thursday, so I'm keeping up my plan to practice.

Friday meditations on martial arts

As many of you know, I left my old martial arts school in July of 2008. I wasn't happy and had a few issues that couldn't be resolved, so I left. I had a lot of angst about it and spent a lot of time agonizing over "did I make the right decision?" My former instructor tried a few times to communicate with me and I took the cowardly way out--I either let the calls go to voicemail or I didn't return calls when I said I would.

I have since moved forward and have found a new school. I am happy with that school--it was a good change for me, I believe. I do not regret my decision. It was something that was needed. I am learning my forms and am learning to ask "WHY" about the technique and the forms. It's a new challenge to me as I have to learn Korean, bunkai, Bushido Codes and other things. In many ways, I feel like I've started over again and am back at white belt, only I know the forms. I have much tweaking and adjustments to be made or I won't be able to get myself up to speed.

Yesterday I went over to a friend's house and talked about a lot of things martial arts related. We talked about Bunkai and we talked about language. We also talked about our Ho Sin Sul and one steps. I got a chance to review four of the Ho Sin Sul I would need to know as a white belt. It was a very productive afternoon for me. We talked about performing the forms in various ways--forward or "left" (because you learn it to the left), 'right hand' (opposite of how you initially learn it), "backwards to the left" and "backwards right handed".
We talked about setting goals...if you set the goal of performing a form a day, in all four ways, you'll actually learn the forms very well. It's a good thing to work on and it's something that I'm thinking will be beneficial for me.

Another thing--since I'm sidelined again this month (grrr!!), I'm going to talk to the trainer my apartment complex offers "for free". I'm going to get with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays this month and see about getting beaten into shape that way. I need the exercise and working with a trainer will be a good way to get myself back on track. I'll make sure I tell the trainer that I'm a martial artist so that he can help me focus on things I need. Upper body strength, lower body strength, cardio, etc. I truly want to get into excellent shape. Tomorrow I'm going to start my weekend out by walking a 5k. I may take the entire family with me but if they're not interested in going with me, I'll go alone. I plan on doing this every weekend. I am also going to start walking at work again. That'll be a mile a day (the route I walk is 1.9 miles round trip.). It's just a short term goal to getting healthier and happier.

I plan to return to BTK. I will have to wait until it's feasible but I WILL be there. I told my friend yesterday that when I come back, I plan on being there with the attitude of "I can do it." I WILL do it. I'm going in with the plan of being there, learning and learning well.

Now I need to go get my notebook out and practice those Ho Sin Sul we worked on yesterday. I'm going to do them every day until I get them ingrained in my head. I may show them to my friend DB tomorrow, just to show him "this is what I can do."

Work humor

My co-workers have a sense of humor. I don't remember what we were doing, unless it was sparring in a sense, but one of my co-workers snapped a picture in September. He ran it through Photoshop and came up with this:



I really am not mean to people!!

Mornings

I love the morning. The earlier, the better. I feel like I'm at my best, even if I'm half sleepy, when I see the sun starting to peek over the horizon, chasing away the indigo of the prior evening. The sky turns from indigo to gray, to a stunning cerulean criss crossed with cirrus clouds that are streaked with rose and mauve. It's a truly wonderful sight to behold. As the morning progresses, the sky lightens and the blues are shot with gold, as if the sun's rays are a priceless metal, touching everything as if Midas was alive.

I think I'm at my best first thing in the morning. Even without coffee, I feel like I'm starting new every day. I enjoy getting up in the morning and looking out the window, watching the sky change. My living room faces the East, so I have the advantage of being able to open my window and have the morning light stream in.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!
Here's to a happy day tomorrow (or today in 30 minutes). I hope you have a wonderful day with your family and friends.

Hooray for friends!!

I have been really blessed with meeting some good people, both in person and online. Several of them are people I've never met in person, but they're just as supportive and helpful and wonderful as can be.

My martial arts 'family' is incredible. Some of the people I count on aren't even in classes with me anymore, but they're still there for me. I count on them to help keep me on an even keel. I've found that the new 'family' is just as supportive as the old one. They've taken me in, pretty much tucked me under their collective "wing", as it were, and are willing to take me as I am (insecurities and all!). They're willing to help me with my training, despite the unexpected and (hopefully) temporary setback that I've run into.

I can't say enough about the group I'm associated with now. At the risk of sounding like a complete dork, I can only say that I have a seriously cool group of friends. I'm proud to have them.

I'm planning on going over to visit with a friend on Friday afternoon. We'll be practicing one steps and Ho Sin Sul, with any luck. Of course, I need to brush up on my forms too, but I can do those on my own, with any luck. I'm determined to get back up to speed on my forms so that when I get back into class, I'll be ready to come in and pick up where I left off.

I just could not resist!

more animals

A skating tale

I complain rather vocally about the weather every chance I get. I absolutely adore rain, snow and gray days. I happen to live in a part of the country that is hardly ever blessed with consecutive days of any of the above. I eagerly read and absorb any and all information about my friends who do live in colder climates than me. I willingly beg to trade off my warm weather for their cold weather.

That changed for me this week. On Sunday, it was close to 80 degrees. By Sunday evening, it was dropping. It went from nearly 80 to 32 degrees in the space of a few hours. We had an 'arctic blast' push through our area. The temperatures didn't get up very much higher than 32 all day. By the time I left work last night (at 6:30!), it had started sleeting and icing. I was able to make it home without incident last night. This morning, I got up and found an icy wonderland. It sleeted and iced all night long. The news was all about the "severe weather" and how icy everything was. There was immense coverage of the ice and the road conditions. People were sliding into other people. I watched a truck come off a (very high and scary) ramp on the highway called the "High 5", hit one of two cars that was stalled or stopped on the ramp, knock it into the other car and keep going. That truck also came up off the road when he hit the other cars. It was amazing to see that he got away unscathed. (If he was a person of integrity, he would have stopped, but that's a rant for a different day.)

I left the house at 6:45 because I start work at 7:30 in the morning. I made it out of the parking lot with minimal incident (there was a small patch of ice on the street I didn't see when I left, so I skidded a little until my tires 'caught'!). The main route I normally take was mostly clear. There were little patches of ice here and there. Once I got to Greenville Avenue (it's a main highway in town), I was surprised by MORE ice, despite the higher volume of traffic. I usually follow a set route from the house to work. The one side street was a sheet of ice that I could see. That was a bit interesting. I had a person riding my bumper for at least a half mile and that irritated me. I do believe he figured out that I wasn't pleased when I slowed down further than the 30 miles and hour I was driving!! ha!

Once I signed on. the calls started coming in fast and furious. I got calls from customers as well as calls from co-workers. I was the only one on the phone for an hour this morning. Then another co-worker showed up. About 45 minutes later, another one rolled in. By 11:00 or so, the last one arrived at the train station and we had to go pick him up. My director called in and checked to see if the phones were being manned. I let him know that we were managing.
It was a very busy day, but a seriously productive one.

The kids were given a reprieve from school today. Our school district first decided to delay the opening for two hours, but decided within an hour of that to close for the day. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I had been planning on going to two different events this evening--a concert at my daughter's school and the Cub Scout Pack Meeting at my son's school. Both were canceled because the schools were not open today. Small reprieve, but also a disappointment as I had been anticipating the concert. I won't be able to make the 'open house' they're holding for the parents at the school on Friday. THAT upsets me but what can I do?? (work won't let me leave)

By the time I left the office, the roads were dry. Not a hint of ice remained, other than the cold temperatures. It was -2 degrees C in my car. I had put the temperature gauge to C for the kids, since that's a novelty they haven't experienced before. Aidan had fun and was going to tell his teacher yesterday that it was -4 C in the car when we dropped him off at school yesterday.

I certainly hope the few people who weren't driving nicely are going to be "normal" tomorrow. It's still expected to be very cold (for us!!!) tonight. The present temperature is 30 degrees F and is supposed to drop to 28. It's also sleeting again, so overnight maybe a wonderful surprise again.

Another Sunday

Dinner last night was wonderful. It was great to get out away from the family and just have a "Ladies' Night Out". I enjoyed it. I met Ms. S, Ms. Mad, Master M and the younger Ms. M, plus Ms. D at a restaurant called "Glorias". It was a really neat place. They serve "Tex-Mex" and Salvadoran food there. I had a dish called "Carne Flameadas", which was a chicken breast, grilled or broiled with a sauce on top that had onions, tomato sauce and cheese. It was extremely filling and very decadent. I ate too much, but that's okay. (Someone at work said that at this time of year, there are no calories between Thanksgiving and New Years.)

We sat and chatted all night about dogs, cats, our school and other things. One of the things they were talking about was the Ho Sin Sul class they'd run that afternoon. (I missed it!!) It was pretty interesting to listen to. I liked having the opportunity to sit and listen to them talk about various topics. It was a wonderful evening.

Tomorrow, Tony's working an "off" schedule. He has to be at work at 7:00 am. That leaves me to get the kids off to school. I can do it on Monday since I don't have to be at work until 9:30 (and I'll get there at 8:30, with my luck!) but Tuesday through Friday will be hard to manage. We'll have to figure out the logistics of getting everyone to school. After school isn't that hard as he'll be off work early enough in the afternoon to pick them up. It's just the getting them there that will be a challenge. I rather wish I knew someone we could carpool with, but the only parents I know are the Cub parents and they're not in my apartment complex.

Deck the halls...tra la la la la...

I *finally* got my Christmas cards mailed out today! Hooray!! I had most of them finished by last Saturday and have carried them around with me all week. I even dragged out the old address book because I fully intended to transcribe addresses from one book to the other. That didn't happen. I carried my box of Christmas cards and was given a load of malarky from at least one co-worker every single day this week. Grrr. I ignored him. That's all I could do. I'm in a pretty good mood though. Now we get to see how fast (or slow) the Post Office is about delivering things!!

On a different note, I'm going out to dinner tonight with the Black Tiger ladies. It ought to be a lot of fun! I'm pretty stoked that they included me, despite my lack of attendance this month. Makes me feel like I belong somewhere!!

December's busy!!

Man, what a month this is turning out to be! We had our Cub Scout Committee meeting tonight. Wednesday is the Den Meeting, plus I have my company's Christmas dinner that night. I absolutely must be at the den meeting!! I'm planning a few things that my assistant doesn't know about. I'm organizing a game that will help the boys earn an advancement. They also are getting their recognition badges/beads. We're baking cookies and talking about kitchen safety and playing a game. It'll be crazy!

Then, next week is tied up with Pack meeting on Tuesday, my daughter has a concert that night, my department is having a dinner on Thursday (darn it, there's my Tuesday/Thursday commitment already knocked flat!!). If I hadn't already told my instructors that I'd not be in on Tuesday, they'd think I had just up and forgotten them!!

The week after is, of course, Christmas week. Wow. It's hard to believe that we're almost at mid-month. I hadn't realized how busy my life was until I looked at a calendar. I am beginning to wonder if I'm crazy? I must be.

On the karate front, I haven't even set my workout plan into action yet. I am trying to commit myself to practicing at least 1-2 forms a day so that I'm up to speed on everything.
I want to practice Sip Soo again (that's one of my favorite forms). I know it's a high level form that I shouldn't know just yet, but...I like it just the same. I need to practice Bassai and Nahainchi Cho Dan as well. Actually, if I'm smart, I'll practice ALL of my forms! That way I can keep up with my training and won't be as lost as I could be when I return to class in January.