Where's my motivation?

Today I'm feeling a bit stressed out but it's over me, not my martial arts. I've been stressing out over my weight again. I watched my scale climb up by 5 pounds from the start of the week until today and it really aggravates me. I know you're ideally NOT supposed to weigh yourself every day because things can change. I know weight fluctuates, etc. It's just annoying to see my weight climb up and up. This time last year, I'd lost almost 45 pounds. I've put back on 20 of that. That irritates me. I was definitely more active than I am now last year, but I was taking classes three to four times a week (my kids were involved in classes with me at that time too). I was walking a lot. I was attending Weight Watchers meetings. I was strictly monitoring my food intake, probably to the point of obsession. I wrote every single thing I ate down and tried to adhere to "if you bite it, write it." After my belt test in March of '08, I gradually started being less active. My old school changed affiliations and moved, so I decided to move on myself. I see that as the beginning of this spiral I am in now.

I am an emotional eater. I like food, don't get me wrong, but the relationship I have with it is not healthy at times. I like to eat. I know that food is fuel, but it shouldn't have limitations set on it. I don't like being told by the co-workers or friends who are well intentioned, "are you sure you should eat that??"
An example of this is the Girl Scout cookies I bought to help support a friend's troop. I bought two boxes of Thin Mints. There are two tubes of 16 cookies in each box. I opened one of the boxes and over the course of the afternoon, I ate an entire tube of cookies. A serving is 4 cookies. I had four, then closed up the tube and put it away. Then I ate some a bit later. Eventually that one tube was gone and I put the cookies out of my mind. When I told my husband about it, he asked him, "Should you have done that?!" No. I shouldn't have, but why should I feel guilty for eating? I ate them, not in one sitting, but over the course of the afternoon.

I don't want to feel like that anymore. I KNOW I have a tenuous relationship with food. I have an even more tenuous relationship with exercise. I am all talk and no action when it comes to that. I'm not sure that setting goals of "I want to lose X pounds by N date/time" is even a good thing to use as a motivator. Neither is "I want to test at N date." Plain and simple, if I make plans like that, I set myself up to fail. I feel that I have to DO something and if it doesn't happen, then I beat myself up over it. I'm over beating myself up. It's not a good thing.

I'm looking for a motivator. I need something to use as a mental kick in the butt. I need a friend to help me by saying, "Hey, why don't we go do this today?" I need something. What's a good motivator??

Being healthy is a good motivator, but I want something tangible that I can SEE, something I can feel. I want to be more positive, but it's hard, especially when I see the scales going in the wrong direction. I want to get my motivation back and see changes for the positive.

I posted a few days ago about Spring being a time of renewal. Maybe I need to think about that and use that as a motivator?

A time of change

Well, while most of my friends are buried under snow, I'm sitting down here in Texas, whining about the fact that another winter has come and gone. I saw the first signs of Spring last week...as I was driving home one afternoon, I saw a robin. That's a sure sign Spring is around the corner.
On the way home yesterday, I saw a pear tree that was starting to bud out. It's very pretty to see the stark white against the darker gray of the tree. It's a sure sign that things are heading into renewal. It's also up in the mid to upper 70s to low 80's. It really hasn't rained, which is what we need right now. I keep hoping the skies will open up but...well, hopes are just that. Hopes.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I went to class last night and worked really hard. We worked on technique, which I can appreciate because I can see what I need to do to improve myself. I've decided that I am going to class not to compare myself with anyone else but to compare myself to myself from a year ago. I'm the only one I can compare to because I know where I was this time last year and where I am now.
Physically, I'm in worse shape than I was, especially as I haven't really been working out. Mentally, probably about the same, but again, maybe slightly better. Not overly sure of that. I know I have to stop comparing myself to other people. I'm going to work on that. I am enjoying my classes for the first time in a long time. I haven't felt so positive about my martial arts since I was working toward my black belt. I'm not working as hard as I was then, but...I do feel that I'm getting somewhere because I can SEE the changes.

In order to improve, I must make changes. Even the slightest change is something that will make a huge difference. It's Spring, so it's time for a renewal. I'm working on renewing my resolutions. I'm not a big resolution maker, but I've decided that since it is Spring, it's time for a change.

There's one central theme to this...In order to make myself a better person, I have to give up the old and begin anew.

Scouting for Food Saturday

Today was Scouting for Food with the Cub Scouts.  Scouting for Food is a food drive, where the boys go out with their dens and collect cans of food for the local food banks.  Today our Den went out together and quickly got separated.  We had three adults with three boys and two adults with two other boys.  Our boys went out and worked together to collect cans of food from people in the neighborhood.  It was a success.  Our boys collected 1023 cans of food for this effort.  Last year we collected 77 more cans, but I'm not complaining about this effort. 

I was the organizer of this effort, namely because I was at Round Table and collected the bags for the Pack.  That made me the organizer by default.  (Well, that and the fact that the guy who did it last year left our group!)

I'm proud of the way the boys worked together.  It was a good effort and I'm proud of them. 

Friday

Class last night was very enjoyable. It was great to work with Ms. M on one steps and Ho Sin Sul. I learned a lot, got a lot out of it and was able to see correlations between forms and self defense. I got a lot of great pointers on judging distance too. Since I'm short, I have to pivot on the ball of my foot (easier said than done at times) to make sure I stay in position. There's a big difference between hitting someone mid-thigh and at the belt.

The one steps we're doing look like smaller pieces of forms to me. I was telling Ms. M last night that I could see a comparison between them and specific forms.
There was one Ho Sin Sul that we did which was neat...it was on a shoulder grab (or a lapel grab). I had an "aha!" moment as we did it. I can see how the defense works. I got a good idea of how to block someone as they're coming at me and we talked about positioning for a block or punch.

I am looking forward to Tuesday. I have to miss class tomorrow because I have Scouting for Food with my Pack. I can practice afterwards and may take my hubby outside to work on my one-steps. That way I can keep the movements fresh in my mind.

Overwhelmed

Just a warning...this is a work rant, but it *does* end well!

I have been feeling highly overwhelmed at work.  I don't feel like I'm able to ask for help. I don't have the respect from the co-workers that I probably should have.  I've been with my employer for 20 years. This is my "anniversary year".

It's highly frustrating to know that one of my job responsibilities is to mind the phones and watch the calls holding. I'm not in a position of authority, apparently. Never mind  that everyone seeks me out to ask me for help on things. When it comes to mentioning calls holding, or suggesting things to try to help the department, I'm just invisible.

I get stressed out when I see calls holding.  When I was hired on at this company, I was told that I needed to help customers.  Then I was told, "Keep an eye on your talk time and don't let it get too high."  Then it was "don't let the HOLD time get high either."  This has been the key focus for me for my entire time here.  It's gradually been tweaked to the point where we're supposed to have an x-minute hold time.  If it climbs, we have to answer to the manager as to why.

We're supposed to help customers to the best of our abilities, but if we can't resolve problems, we're supposed to "escalate it to a specialist".  I feel like I'm in a bind because when *I* go to the specialists, I get it tossed back at me.  I know that I'm supposed to ask all the questions THEY know and can think of immediately, but it's not always possible.  It's worse if you're short handed and you know it because it makes it feel like you're carrying a mountain on your back. Sometimes asking for help is worse than just saying "I don't know."  

I guess it's just a matter of perspective.  The guys at work have a field day with my attitude.  I guess it's okay for them because they're guys.  They're all laid back and have "whatever" attitudes.  I panic about calls holding and how long they hold.  I hate seeing people waltzing in late, which happens regularly.  We have people who come to work late daily.  They take their lunch hours when they're good and ready to go, not at their assigned times.  I can see once or twice, but on a daily basis, it's annoying.   Sometimes I think they stay on the phones because they know it irritates me.  I have given up talking to them.  I just sit and stew.  That's not what I need.  Somehow, I need to figure out how to disconnect my CARING from my work.  I get frustrated at things beyond my control.  I can't change the way people are.  Not everyone has the same work ethic I have.

Luckily, I have class tonight.  I'm going to leave my angst at home and go work out very hard in class.  I've been gearing up for it all day.  I'm not going to skip because I need it.

Happily sore

I am happily sore after class tonight. I got to work with my friend, Ms. S tonight on one steps and Ho Sin Sul. We hit up 1-6 on the One Steps (which aren't really all that hard, just bear repetition) and 1-3 on the Ho Sin Sul. I can actually see the correlation between the Ho Sin Sul and the one steps. It was an eye opener.
Ms. S and I spent the evening kicking and punching each other. It was really a great feeling to be able to walk into class, see these people and know that I'm welcome, no matter how long I've been gone. I belong!!

I met that first mini-goal I made myself. I walked back into that classroom in the dojang tonight. I said I would and I didn't give myself any chance to tell myself otherwise. Master G told me to stop making excuses for not attending class in an email and I am happy to say that I made NO excuses whatsoever! I went to class and enjoyed myself. I put myself into the right frame of mind during the Muk nyum (spelling). It's a moment of silence at the beginning and ending of class. I feel incredible now. I worked hard and that was what I set out to do. I needed it.

I'm going back on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it.

Positive thought

Here's a positive thought for today:

I am extremely flexible. I may be 100+ pounds overweight, but I'm flexible and proud of it! I can kick over my head and almost to head height on a person who is 6 foot tall!

Happy happy!

I am extremely excited today. I have been sitting here, annoying my co-workers, talking about class. I'm really happy that I'm going to class tonight. I may have forgotten a lot, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I have been reviewing my book (Tang Soo Do by Grandmaster Kang Uk Lee) and am going to make the best out of whatever happens tonight. I'm really excited. I haven't felt this "bouncy" in a while now.
I showed the guy on the other side of the wall bits of two forms, so they're kind of still in my head (yay!!). I just have to keep myself focused on the fact that I AM going to do this. I will do well, regardless of what happens tonight. They'll either have mercy on me or they'll work me over. Either way, it's a win-win situation!

I haven't done my Ho Sin Sul and I haven't done anything with the one steps in forever, so I have to re-learn those.

Positives

I'm back to working on being more positive. I cannot let myself be negative because all it does is add to an already stressed me. I'm not going to do that. To start that, I chose my clothes for work very carefully. I picked out a pair of black slacks (that are a size 4--and that's a story in and of itself) and a very pretty, purple sweater that has striped cuffs and collar. I feel great about myself in it. Our Admin, M, told me that the purple was a really good color on me.
I feel like I'm standing taller today. Maybe it's partly from the thinking I did over the weekend. I spent a LOT of time thinking. I have a Shape Magazine on my desk that has a really great article about body image in it. I also have a Weight Watchers Magazine that has an article about body image in it. It's time to stop thinking so negatively about myself. Instead, I'm going to go back to telling myself something positive every day.

Today, I feel like I can climb mountains (or at least ant hills to start with).

Sick Saturday

I don't like being sick. I feel worse when my family is sick. I woke up early this morning (not sure of the exact time), with Aidan telling me he doesn't feel good. He climbed into bed and made himself comfy. He was running a fever (very hot to the touch!), so I didn't force him to leave. I let him stay, but told him he had to be still or he'd get moved. He was good to his word...except for elbowing me off the bed!

I wound up getting up early and hanging out with the cat. I had coffee, read a few magazines and had the cat sit with me, enjoying the silence. I got a chance to watch some home improvement shows on HGTV. I haven't watched HGTV in months! I usually don't get the television to myself in the mornings. Usually it's controlled by one of the kids and they're watching one of the shows they've recorded.

The little guy is still feeling puny--he's laying on the couch, sleeping, currently. I'll get him to his room shortly and tucked in. He's definitely not feeling well because he didn't even eat his dinner and I didn't hear about how hungry he was all day.

Hopefully this is a 24 hour bug. I've heard from another parent whose son is in our Cub Scout pack that his son was sick with a bug too. Hmmm. I hope it clears up soon!

Mother/son Dance

This was taken before the Mother-Son dance last night. Doesn't Aidan look great in a suit?? He wanted a suit for the dance. I think he looks spiffy! He had a lot of fun and so did I. I really enjoyed the dancing. For someone who hasn't done any serious exercise in the past 2 1/2 months, this was incredibly good! My feet, legs and arms hurt today, but it's a good hurt! I want to do this with him again next year, I'm thinking.

This was when we got there...he had his boutonniere pinned on him by a high school girl and he was holding the carnation. The next picture is going to make you laugh...and I have no idea why he did this, but everyone thought it was funny, so I had to take the picture!

He took a picture of me too, hence the angle.


We had fun. They played a lot of songs that I'd never heard before. I guess I need to listen to Radio Disney because several of them are played on it, I think. They played a Celine Dion song for the moms, they played several songs that had everyone moving forward, backwards, etc. It was like line dancing. They even played Thriller, and I danced it for the first time! The DJs were wonderful! They had a lot of fun and we had fun! We saw at least four people from Cub Scouts, including Aidan's teacher and her son there. Two of our den members were there with their moms and one of the older boys from the Pack was there with his mom. It was great!

Today, I'm recovering. I haven't been wearing heels since September or October and my feet are letting me know it. Plus various parts of me are protesting. I enjoyed it and when I get the photo we had taken last night, I'll get my one co-worker to scan it in and I'll post it.

Another checkup

I had a follow up on my eyes yesterday. I'm healing pretty well, all things considered. It was a good visit, in my opinion. I talked to the opthalmologist (not Dr. B this time) about healing time, etc. He said it can take up to 3 months for things to get to 'normal'. There was a piece of GOOD news out of the whole thing...I read the 20/15 line! He was pretty impressed with it, especially since I had been so horribly nearsighted. I was happy to hear that!
The incision is still "dry around the edges", so I have to keep using my drops every thirty minutes. I'm bad about that, especially at work because I don't always think about it. I don't have timers set either. Other than that, the only other thing was that I lost one of the punctal plugs (tear duct plug) and he had to replace it. That was a fun thing because he accidentally poked me and I jumped. I'm sorry, I don't do surprise very well!

When I got back from the doctor's office, work literally hammered me. It was a super busy day here. We were short-handed, which couldn't be helped, but didn't help us. Every time we'd get the calls cleared out, it seemed like we'd barely catch our breaths and there'd be MORE calls! I had a discussion with one gentleman about the fact that he couldn't receive from one location. 30 minutes later, we were convinced that it was a phone line issue. Needless to say, that was a long call that my manager wasn't pleased about! I had another long call with a sales manager, trying to help him with an issue HE had.

Today has been a tiny bit better...it's still busy and nutty but nothing like yesterday. It helps that most everyone is here.

I'm going to TRY to use the hour of comp time I have (from last week, when we had the ice storm, came in late and worked through lunch because we didn't know when to go to lunch!) We'll see if my director will let me leave. I hope so. I'd really like to go try to find a nice jacket for Aidan. He's taking me to a "Mother/Son Dance" tomorrow night. We got our tickets in the mail yesterday.

Goal Setting

The Seven Step Process for Achieving Goals
Here, once more, is the simple, seven-step process that you can use to achieve your goals faster and easier than ever before. 

First, decide exactly what you want in each area of your life. Be specific! 

Second, write it down, clearly and in detail; 

Third, set a specific deadline. If it is a large goal, break it down into sub-deadlines and write them down in order; 

Fourth, make a list of everything you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal. As you think of new items, add them to your list; 

Fifth, organize the items on your list into a plan by placing them in the proper sequence and priority; 

Sixth, take action immediately on the most important thing you can do on your plan. This is very important! 

Seventh, do something every day that moves you toward the attainment of one or more of your important goals. Maintain the momentum!

More musings

This was something I had posted a few years ago (nearly 2 years ago) at a different blog. It's an interesting treatise.

This week I want to take some time in talking about Moo Do, “the Way” of martial arts. Now, I’m not brilliant so I’m going to take a lot of this from a Texas-based master named Keith Yates. Grandmaster Yates is an adjunct professor at Dallas Theological Seminary, so he pretty much knows what he’s talking about.

Moo Do, Korean for “The way” or path of martial arts is broken into three aspects, the physical, emotional, and mental. The physical portion of Moo Do is fairly simple, we train for the cardiovascular, strength, and flexibility. We want to improve ourselves, to look better, to be faster than our peers or even our spouse.

The emotional aspect (the heart of the matter) focuses on happiness. How is happiness determined? I once thought it was more money, then more time, now I find that it is more honesty. I like being around people that have a good heart, do not complain about what they can’t change, and make positive contributions to society. This makes me happy, it feels me up emotionally, it makes me smile.

The last part of Moo Do is the mental. I hope you agree that by asking each of you, students and parents, to bow when you enter the training rooms has instilled a sense of discipline. Respect and Discipline are very important to succeeding in life. Bill Gates (MicroSoft) has recently given up the majority of his duties as head of the company, so that he can focus on charity work. What do you think he can accomplish when he focuses himself and his disciplined mind onto solving the world’s humanitarian problems?

So, tomorrow I am asking you to set three goals for yourself. 1) Train harder and eat better, 2) Be more honest and happy, and 3) seek knowledge by learning something new. Balancing out your life and setting the mindset of perfection will make you stronger. Achieving the balance of Moo Do will enable you to be a better martial artist, to become a black belt in you heart and in your mind.

Monday morning musings

Last week we had an ice storm. I picked up one of my co-workers on Wednesday from the train station and while I was there, I was inspired to write something. Since then, I haven't been able to find that notebook I wrote in. I haven't seriously written poetry in years. I keep reading my friends' blogs and am envious that they have found their Muses. They're artistically inclined. I don't draw. I don't paint. (My kids both do) I want to do something that is artistic. I guess in some ways, my martial arts is an outlet for me to be artistic in a way. It's definitely a soothing, calming thing. I find that it's meditative as well as physical. I wonder if that's considered artistic?

I've been thinking about moving too. The lease is up on our apartment at the end of March. We can either stay where we are, or we can try to find something less expensive and move. We found a house for lease, but...the problem there is that we'd have to move Aidan out of his school. I really don't want him leaving his school because I know the teachers and the people there. I like this school. I guess I am not being fair because I'm not giving the other school a chance, but I'd rather keep him where he is. I still have a month to think about it.

Sunday...Tag!

My friend, Gal Friday, tagged me on her blog, so I decided to go ahead and post this.

This is what you have to do:

1. Go to the the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.

2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.

3. Explain the photo.

4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun!
I tag Claus, Lorraine, Claudia and April.

This picture was taken in December, 2005. My daughter was in Girl Scouts and we were taking part in a Christmas Parade hosted by the City of Allen. This is the High School marching band. This band is incredibly good and sound just wonderful! We heard them coming through the trees, before we even saw them. We were sitting in the back of the leader's husband's pick up truck when they came by. It was very chilly and lots of fun. The whole parade lasted an hour or so from when we went to the staging area to when the parade ended. I look forward to attending parades when my daughter is in the Marching band because I'll be able to say "My daughter is in that band!!"

Have to brag about the Cub Scouts

At the November Pack meeting, I challenged all the boys in the Pack to collect cans of food for a food drive to correspond with the one my company was holding. I challenged them to collect 10 cans of food per boy. One of the boys was really dedicated. Here is his dad's recounting:

My son, W really took the December Food Drive to heart
He did a lot of work, collecting a total 86 cans of food!

He started by writing a letter -- asking for assistance
He delivered the letter to 91 families throughout the Waterford neighborhood

The letter began by saying “He is proud to be a Scout”
The letter explained the reasons why he was collecting the cans of food
It told them when he would come back to pick-up the cans
The Waterford neighbors were generous

W collected 86 cans of food.
As he went through the neighborhood, he used his red rider wagon to collect the cans
It took three trips back to the house to move all of the food

W wrote a “thank you” letter
He delivered it to each family that helped in the food drive
After it was over W said, “Some needy people would have a meal because of the Scout’s efforts”

That is a great boy and he embodies the Spirit of Scouting!!

Scouting Saturday

Today was the Pinewood Derby at school. We had a lot of fun there. I don't know the final count was, but I think we had a good turnout.
We got there around 8:45 for check in. They weighed and measured our car, then took it and added it to our class for the race. Once you've checked in, you're free to go. I talked to one of the parents in our Den for a few minutes, then we left and went to have breakfast and do some chores. We came back at 10:30, which was in time for the end of the Wolves and beginning of the Bears. That was fun. Our car was a solid second place car in every heat it ran in, until the semi-finals. At that point, it fell to a faster car. Overall, it was a lot of fun.

There were no "injuries" to the car--the wheels stayed on the car, nothing broke. Yay. The only thing that happened was that the software hiccuped but we worked through that. Our next step is to plan for the Scouting for Food, and the various things that are going on. We have our Pack Meeting on Tuesday and then I have to go to Round Table on Thursday. Round Table, I'm finding, is a lot of fun. It's an hour or so of games, then they have breakout sessions to help plan for things like Blue and Gold (the banquet to celebrate Scouting and the Crossing Over of the Weebelos to Boy Scouts), campouts, etc. Busy, busy!!

Tomorrow I'm staying home and doing NOTHING. I want to relax and rest.

Heading to Pinewood

Pinewood Derby is Saturday. We are ready. We have two cars, but only one of them is painted. If I was smart, I'd get the second car painted and have it ready to go. The first car is a green color, called "green goddess" by Valspar. It's a nice, light green. The car now has flames on the sides and "eyes" near the nose end of it. There's a sticker that says "Hot rod" on the back. Overall, it's a cute car.
Aidan likes it. We are taking it to the school for a pre-race inspection and weight. I might let him run it on the track for a few tests to make sure it runs well. After that, it's back home and time to rest and get ready for Saturday.

I went to martial arts tonight to just let them know that I'm around and still planning on coming back to class. I spoke to Master M, Ms. Mad and Ms. S, plus Mr. L. I was very happy to see them. I feel like it was the right decision to go over there. I had hoped to see Master G but he wasn't there. I'll go another night when he is there. In the meantime, now I need to kick my butt back into some workouts so that I can get myself into shape to go back. I feel very confident that this is the place for me. I didn't feel ashamed for being out. They were nice and didn't make me feel bad at all. On the contrary, I felt like I was right where I belonged.

TADA!!

This is the first picture that's been taken of me since having Lasik.

Another thought provoking email

My instructor sent me another thought provoking email last week that I just picked up today. It took me pretty much all day after I initially opened it up before I read it, but I do think he was spot on, as usual.
Once a month we have Dan training at the dojang. He told me that I was more than welcome to come to training. I said, "I'll try, but I'm not sure what time I'll be finished walking, since I'm working on my 5k goal." He said that personally, he thought the Dan training would have benefited me more because I would have been working with the Dans of the dojang, and hopefully building a better relationship with them. He reminded me that I can work with Gups, but as a Dan, I have a vested interest in working with the Dans and learning what I need to learn to improve my technique, etc. As usual, CSN was extremely correct in his assessment. I'm pretty impressed with him because he's super intuitive and reads a lot of what's left unsaid or unwritten. All I can say is "wow". He did tell me that I don't have to feel afraid and that I have no reason to be afraid of attending the Dan training. Here's where my stupid thinking gets in my way again!!! GRRR!! I need to really work on my self esteem and my thinking.
Well, I am thinking that I may go ahead and sneak off to martial arts tomorrow. I was going to find the personal trainer here at the complex first and see about working with him. I may still have time to sneak off to the dojang afterwards. I won't commit myself to anything until I see what happens tomorrow.

Pinewood Derby procrastination

If you're the parent of a young boy in Cub Scouts, you'll understand when I mention two words that have been on our minds lately...Pinewood Derby.
We have the pinewood blocks that are the cars...or are supposed to be the cars. Saturday is Pinewood. Have we done our car yet? ha! No. My husband picked up a Dremel tool yesterday, but then they didn't do anything with it. They sat on the couch and watched television, played video games and generally goofed off. This is a last minute thing, or so it would seem.
Our assistant Den leader is being kind enough to take our Derby car over to his brother's house to use a band saw to do the rough shape of the car. He said he'll take the axles and polish those for us, plus he'll sand the burrs off the wheels (the burrs are left from the molding when they created them). That pretty much gives us the base sanding and painting/stickering to do with the car. I really appreciate his offer because it means that I don't have to scramble around at the last minute every night this week, ranting and raving that the car isn't done. He has a base design, but he's not sure how it'll be. I'm not either. We sketched out the idea on a piece of paper, but translating that to a block of wood? Yeah we'll see how that works!!

I didn't get my walk in today--so my friend now owes me a cup of coffee. It's a bit chilly outside so I guess that's okay. Next week, we'll have to go either in the afternoon on Saturday or on Sunday morning as Pinewood is Saturday.
I still need to find the charger for my camera's battery so I can take lots of pictures of Pinewood.

Doing a Happy, Happy Dance

I am doing a serious happy dance here! I haven't used any medication in my eyes other than my artificial tears since 4:30 pm. I ran out of the one medication which I'm supposed to be down to once a day on now. I haven't filled my new prescription for the other drops which are three times a day for a week, then two times a day for the next week and then once a day for the week after that.
I'm actually even seeing well, believe it or not!! I didn't pay attention to the traffic and street lights this evening when we came home from the District dinner we went to (Cub Scouts), but...I'm not feeling too bad right now. I'm making a concerted effort to remember to BLINK, but...I'm happy. I can SEE. I may just take my book and go back and read some more!!

As of today, it's been exactly a week since my surgery. I think my recovery has been pretty good. Yes, I've been off work for a week. Yes, I've had to put my face up on my monitor to post updates, but ultimately, I do feel that it was well worth it. I'm not going to have to worry about contact lenses or anything like that now. Yippee!!

I'm about to go offline and put away my laundry, then put my eye drops in for the night. I'm cheering loudly and hopefully, my best friend will go walking with me tomorrow. Otherwise I'll have to kick his derriere. (He knows who he is because he reads my blog occasionally!!)

And then there were none

No contact lenses!! I'm free!! My vision isn't where it should be, but it's improving by leaps and bounds! He tested my eyes with the left eye covered and the right one uncovered but with the lens in it still. It wasn't good, but wasn't too horrible is what he said. When I first went to see him, he said I was finger counting only, which meant that I could only see fingers at any distance. Now I'm away from that. Hooray!!
I still have to use the drops in my eyes for two more days, every three hours. Then I lose one and stay with the other for a week, along with another drop. That'll be three times a day, then down to twice a day for a week, then once a day for a week. I'm pleased. I know my manager is pretty well pissed off about it, but you know what? I'm not going to stress over it anymore. I give them a lot of my time and energy and I'm not going to fuss over being out a week already. I have five weeks off a year, so I'm sure I have plenty of time left. Plus, like I said, I give them a whole lot of extra time.

I'm celebrating my vision right now. He said I was cleared to drive and that I'd pass any driving test that was given to me, so I'm happy. Now all I have to do is to finish out this week with the funky goggles I'm wearing at night. I hate them with a passion, because I have to tape them to my face. I've had one incident where I managed to rip them off my face somehow...and I'm not even aware that I did it. All I know is that I woke up with them in the bed with me. LOL!! I think the adhesive got to me.. I will be happy to say goodbye to that because my poor face is dried out where the adhesive has been. It'll take a while to recover from that.

I see Dr. Boothe next week, on Wednesday. Then I'm not sure when I go to see him again. I am sure it'll be another follow up in a month. Let's hope that it just keeps getting better and better. Now all I need to do is lose some weight!!!

New year. New me. I like it!!

Driving (me crazy)

I snuck out of the house today and drove!!!! I took my car to the grocery store because I had to get a birthday cake and card for my son. I got the cake, forgot the card! I was being horrible and didn't want to walk. The wind was blowing and I didn't feel like walking around in my "bug eyes" (my goggles). It was bad enough walking in from the parking lot to the store with my goggles on! I'm very self conscious and feel like everyone is staring at me. (That's a side effect of my childhood.)

So, after braving the sunlight (why do I feel like a vampire??) and driving, I came back home and got comfy with the cat. I was relaxing on the couch, sleeping through CSI: Miami when my manager called!!! He asked how I was feeling, what I was doing, then cut to the chase and asked was I going to be out the rest of the week. I said, "Yes." I have a note for him, so I've got that covered. I'm a little concerned about his reaction to that though. I will make sure I get my doctor's notes scanned and sent to the HR lady this evening. That way my butt is covered. I suddenly feel like I'm on the chopping block.

After talking to the manager, I snuck out again and picked my son up from school. I'm really not cleared to drive yet. I can see my monitor right now, but I am seeing blurred. I am blinking a lot, trying to keep the tears in my eys. I'm sorry I've inconvenienced the department, but...I DID try to make it convenient for them by scheduling surgery on Saturday. I had no idea that I'd be one of the few slow people!! I guess next time I need to figure out how to expedite the healing process or something.

We took the little boy out tonight to Toys R Us to get his birthday present. He now has one of the games he wanted. He has "Sonic: Unleashed". I'm glad he has it, but I've got to really watch how much time he spends on the Wii, playing it. I'm going to be super grumpy about it and make sure that he's out moving around too.

Speaking of moving around, I might try my hand at Wii Fit tomorrow. Haven't used it since December, so it'll be a good time to break it out. I don't think I have to see too well to follow the feet marks on the tv or see the blue and red flags for the downhill skiing.

Halfway there

Today I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Boothe. First of all, I think they were terribly packed. There were people waiting in any waiting room they had. It took the better part of an hour before I got to the back to see the doc.

They took measurements and looked at my eye, then sent me off to yet *another* waiting room. I forgot to bring my tears with me (you have to use artificial tears after Lasik because your eyes will be dryer than normal), so I had to bum some off the guy who examined me first. He measured my right eye first. Then he measured my left eye. That wasn't so bad. The bad thing was waiting another 30 minutes before I could see the doc.

They took me into an exam room and Dr. Boothe looked at both my eyes. He seemed a bit surprised that I was still wearing contacts. He checked my distance vision in my right eye first. I couldn't read anything. I've been a bit worried about my right eye anyway, so that pretty much verified that it wasn't right to me.
When he checked the left eye, it appeared to be fine. I still don't have the greatest vision, but I WAS able to read things with the left eye. He had me use both eyes and made a decision about taking out the contacts at that point. When he took the contacts out, I swear, it felt GOOD!! He checked my tear production and decided that I needed punctal occlusions (those block the tear drainage ducts so the tears stay on my eyes, not evaporate). They installed those, then put another contact back into my right eye. He said that the epithelial cells in my right eye weren't healing as well as the left eye. I asked him if it was age and he said no, it's heredity. I think he said that 1-2 out of 100 people would have this difficulty. Oh nice. Bear in mind that I've been a bit worried about my eye since Sunday. It hasn't been very comfortable, what with the itching. I have what appears to be a black eye right now, plus my right cheekbone is red. Kind of looks like someone whapped me!

I'm out of work for the rest of the week and have a doctor's note to give to my manager. I'm not pleased about using my personal time all at the beginning of the year, but at the same time, I can't control how fast or slow I heal. I tried to accomodate my employer by having the surgery on Saturday. The healing process has to be up to Nature.

Dr. Boothe wants me to come back on Thursday afternoon so that he can examine me again. I HOPE he'll give me clearance to drive again. Only time will tell. I"m not going to push that. What I find is really wicked is that right now, I can read my monitor without putting my nose up on the screen tonight. I have to use my artificial tears and that's fine. I'm able to see better. The really great thing?? I don't have to wear glasses!!!

In a fog

I'm in a fog right now. My vision is blurred and will be so for a while. I am starting to regain the vision in my left eye, but the right eye is a bit annoying. It hurts, itches and looks like someone punched me! I have pictures, but I'm not posting them yet. I have to be able to see first.

Today I stayed home since I was not in any condition to drive. I was supposed to work from 9:30 until 6:30 but...well, obviously that didn't happen.

When they did the procedure, they put a contact lense in each eye to protect the incision from being damaged, plus they were trying to get it healed. I swear, my right eye has just driven me nuts since I came home. I can't scratch my eye. I'm really not supposed to touch it because I the risk is tehre of causing a wrinkle in teh flap of epithelium. I have been rubbing my forehead to keep from going nuts. I am not sure how much longer I can take thei aggravation.

I'm pretty much putting a lot of artificial tears in my eyes. The guy I saw on Sunday said that I wasn't going to hurt myself by using artificial tears.
I go in tomorrow at 3:15 and will talk to them about the itching and see what they can do for me. I HOPE my right eye is healing. I am pretty sure the left is because I can see some things. I considered it a huge victory when I watched televisioni today (A&E) and was able to read some things on the television. YAY!!!

No Glasses!!

Okay, it's time to laugh at me. I can't see what I'm doing very well. I know I"m typing, but we'll have to hope that my knowledge of the keyboard is good enough to compensate for the fog I'm in.

Why a I in a fog? I had LASIK yesterday. I went in on Thursday and was told that my pre-tax dollars I put away out of my paychecks would cover it, so I jumped at the opportunity to get rid of my glasse. Now I'm sitting here, in a fog, not knowing when my vision will go back to normal.

I went in at 3:00 yesterday afternoon. My appointment was at 4:00 and they wanted me in an hour early. When they pulled me back, they asked the usual things like "how much do you weight" (for medicating purposes), had I eaten, blah, blah blah. You couldn't wear any jewelry because it would cause problems with the laser. It was okay-I left all my jewelry at home.

After they gave me the sedative, I went in and saw a doctor who marked my eyes for the laser. I asked him, being me, was he drawing a smiley face on my eyes. He had no sense of humor and said "no." Very flat. Did he not think that possibly his patient could have been a tad nervous?Oh well.

Once he had finished with teh lines, he sent me out to the waiting room (where, incidnetally I had frozen on Thursday). There were two other people in the room, waiting their turns. The one lady and I got into chatting about the surgery and about how we didn't shop around. Each of us knows someone else who went to Dr. Tylock, while we went to Dr. Boothe. We had a good chat, then they called her in the back. I sat in the waiting room again by myself for about another 30 minutes, then they came and got me. I was the last one in that run.

They took me back to the surgery room which had 3-4 beds or so in it. There were chairs off to the sides and they led me to one of those chairs, told me to sit down and close my eyes. They gave me a blanket too. I believe they wanted the eyes closed so that I woudln't look at the lasers.

They took me up to the first table (I was allowed to open my eyes then), put numbing drops in my eyes and then it was show time. They had me arrange myself on the bed, covered me up with my coat and a blanket to keep me warm. They let me cross my ankles, which was good, but once they got started, I was to sit absolutely still. The one guy talked to me and told me that I would feel some pressure, then it would go black. He wasn't joking. I saw the ring thingy they put on my eyes, felt a bit of pressure, then I saw "sparkles"--multicolored sparkles. After that, there was nothing. They did my right eye first, then my left. It was actually kind of neat, even though I went blind at that point.

They helped me off the bench, then took me to another chair where they covered me up with a blanket and I waited for part two. Then they came over and got me and took me to the next table. This was the one where they actually shaped the cornea. The first one was the incision, where they created the 'flap'.
I had to look at the laser while they did the procedure. The machine made a knocking noise as the laser pulsed. It was an orange light laser. I found it interesting.

When they finished that on both eyes, they put a contact lense in each one. Some people would be getting them out at their follow up appointment, but mine didn't come out. They had a problem with them on Saturday night, so they said that it MIGHT come out today. That didn't happen. Tony took me to the appointment. I am not cleared to drive. My vision has a "fog" quality. Sometimes it's sharp, but most of the time, it's very foggy. I have to use artificial tears every 30 minutes, and medicated drops every 3 hours. He gave me another medication that I have to put into my eyes once a day. That's another, more powerful antibiotic. I was also given some Vicodin, but I'm trying not to take it. I don't like taking drugs as a rule.

My eye doctor has a black belt in Taekwando, so when I consulted wiht him, I asked how long it would be before I could go back to practicing. He said, "You can do forms in a day, but no sparring for two weeks. After that, you must wear goggles for sparring for another month." Well, as I don't spar all that often, as I'm out of classes for a while, that's going to be good. I'm really looking forward to going back to class without my glasses. I'm excited about it.

I'm typing this with my nose practically on my screen, but intermittently, I can see what I'm doing without having to put it there. I hope that by tomorrow, I'll have a better view of the world.

Thursday

I'm leaving work early today. I'm going to go find out if I'm a candidate for Lasik surgery. Not sure when or IF I'll have it done, but it never hurts to find out if you're a candidate. Being a martial artist, it's a lot easier to do falls and rolls if you're not having to worry about your glasses. If you're in a street fight, would you stop fighting and ask your opponent, "Hold on while I take my glasses off"? I seriously don't think so! Anyway, if I AM a candidate, I get to get some information about the cost. If it's too much, I'll have to wait a year until I can get my flex spending to cover it. Not a biggie...I've been waiting 30+ years to lose the glasses already. What's one more year, right??

Being without glasses would be a marvelous thing. I have dreamed not wearing glasses since I started wearing them years ago. I've been in glasses since I was in the 7th grade. Unfortunately, I'm horribly nearsighted and it's hard to get glasses that don't look like Coke bottles when you're a kid and that nearsighted.
I can't wear contact lenses because I have dry eyes. I wore them for years and had to quit because my eyes got progressively worse.

I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. I want them to say, "Yes, you're a candidate, we'll do it tomorrow." I want the price to be right (free would be nice!!) but I'm sure that's a big stumbling point. I'm worried that they'll say, "You're a candidate, but it'll cost you 10,000.00." That would put it on the "whenever I win the lottery" wish list only.

No walk today

I didn't walk today--it was cold and wet. I don't mind the cold--that's why I have a wool coat with a hood and gloves. I DO mind the wet though, so I didn't go out. I actually also mind the North wind that was blowing pretty hard most of the morning, so that was another deterrent.
To compensate for the cold and the lack of walk, whenever I left my desk, I walked quickly from point A to point B. I figured I'd sneak in a walk wherever I could. If hubby wasn't watching the Texas/Ohio bowl game (why? It's not a #1 game!), I'd be playing on the Wii. I may still take over and use the Wii. It depends on my mood. I have had a request to find bubble gum from the little guy--apparently he needs it tomorrow for a test simulation. UGH. Tests!!

I didn't practice forms even. I was too busy answering the phone. It was a "let's catch up on the fact that you were closed on Friday after New Year's!" type of day.

Sunday blogthing

I was bored tonight, so I decided to give Blogthings a peek. I happened to find a "fitness" thing, so I'm posting it here for my amusement.

You're Pretty Fit

You do your best to work out, but you probably don't do it as much as you like. Maybe you need to do mini-workouts throughout the day to fit in exercise... Or maybe you need a whole new activity to motivate you.

Are You a Fit Girl?

One 5k down

This morning was a perfect morning for a walk. It was 60+ degrees when I left the house and went to the park to go walking. My friend was already there, so when I got there, he got out of his car and we took off walking. We didn't really check the time when we started out, but it was about an hour and ten minutes to an hour and 20 minutes for the walk. I'm guessing as I didn't time it either. Since we added in the lake lap, it was a full 5k.
We didn't run today, but as we're both getting back into the habit of walking, it was a good start. We both chatted as we walked. We talked about fitness plans, martial arts, etc. He's in better shape than I am since he has access to a fitness center at work and exercises there, but it was really nice of him to join me this morning. I told him that I plan on walking every weekend, plus I want to start walking at work too. I'm going to pack my clothes for walking on Sunday night so that I'm ready to go at work. I have a later lunch on Monday--I work 9:30 to 6:30, so I go to lunch at 1:30. That'll be a good time to get out and get a walk in. The other days, I go to lunch at 11:30. I'm going to be ready for it.

Since I've been out and walked, I feel like I've accomplished something. I set my mind to walking and I did. Now my next step is to get my time down from an hour and some to about 45 minutes or so. Even if I just walked for an hour, it'll be a bonus.

I also took the opportunity to have him grab me so that I could practice my Ho Sin Sul. I need the practice and he was there, so I got in the practice. I remembered 3 out of four of the Ho Sin Sul I did on Thursday, so I'm keeping up my plan to practice.

Friday meditations on martial arts

As many of you know, I left my old martial arts school in July of 2008. I wasn't happy and had a few issues that couldn't be resolved, so I left. I had a lot of angst about it and spent a lot of time agonizing over "did I make the right decision?" My former instructor tried a few times to communicate with me and I took the cowardly way out--I either let the calls go to voicemail or I didn't return calls when I said I would.

I have since moved forward and have found a new school. I am happy with that school--it was a good change for me, I believe. I do not regret my decision. It was something that was needed. I am learning my forms and am learning to ask "WHY" about the technique and the forms. It's a new challenge to me as I have to learn Korean, bunkai, Bushido Codes and other things. In many ways, I feel like I've started over again and am back at white belt, only I know the forms. I have much tweaking and adjustments to be made or I won't be able to get myself up to speed.

Yesterday I went over to a friend's house and talked about a lot of things martial arts related. We talked about Bunkai and we talked about language. We also talked about our Ho Sin Sul and one steps. I got a chance to review four of the Ho Sin Sul I would need to know as a white belt. It was a very productive afternoon for me. We talked about performing the forms in various ways--forward or "left" (because you learn it to the left), 'right hand' (opposite of how you initially learn it), "backwards to the left" and "backwards right handed".
We talked about setting goals...if you set the goal of performing a form a day, in all four ways, you'll actually learn the forms very well. It's a good thing to work on and it's something that I'm thinking will be beneficial for me.

Another thing--since I'm sidelined again this month (grrr!!), I'm going to talk to the trainer my apartment complex offers "for free". I'm going to get with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays this month and see about getting beaten into shape that way. I need the exercise and working with a trainer will be a good way to get myself back on track. I'll make sure I tell the trainer that I'm a martial artist so that he can help me focus on things I need. Upper body strength, lower body strength, cardio, etc. I truly want to get into excellent shape. Tomorrow I'm going to start my weekend out by walking a 5k. I may take the entire family with me but if they're not interested in going with me, I'll go alone. I plan on doing this every weekend. I am also going to start walking at work again. That'll be a mile a day (the route I walk is 1.9 miles round trip.). It's just a short term goal to getting healthier and happier.

I plan to return to BTK. I will have to wait until it's feasible but I WILL be there. I told my friend yesterday that when I come back, I plan on being there with the attitude of "I can do it." I WILL do it. I'm going in with the plan of being there, learning and learning well.

Now I need to go get my notebook out and practice those Ho Sin Sul we worked on yesterday. I'm going to do them every day until I get them ingrained in my head. I may show them to my friend DB tomorrow, just to show him "this is what I can do."

Work humor

My co-workers have a sense of humor. I don't remember what we were doing, unless it was sparring in a sense, but one of my co-workers snapped a picture in September. He ran it through Photoshop and came up with this:



I really am not mean to people!!

Mornings

I love the morning. The earlier, the better. I feel like I'm at my best, even if I'm half sleepy, when I see the sun starting to peek over the horizon, chasing away the indigo of the prior evening. The sky turns from indigo to gray, to a stunning cerulean criss crossed with cirrus clouds that are streaked with rose and mauve. It's a truly wonderful sight to behold. As the morning progresses, the sky lightens and the blues are shot with gold, as if the sun's rays are a priceless metal, touching everything as if Midas was alive.

I think I'm at my best first thing in the morning. Even without coffee, I feel like I'm starting new every day. I enjoy getting up in the morning and looking out the window, watching the sky change. My living room faces the East, so I have the advantage of being able to open my window and have the morning light stream in.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!
Here's to a happy day tomorrow (or today in 30 minutes). I hope you have a wonderful day with your family and friends.

Hooray for friends!!

I have been really blessed with meeting some good people, both in person and online. Several of them are people I've never met in person, but they're just as supportive and helpful and wonderful as can be.

My martial arts 'family' is incredible. Some of the people I count on aren't even in classes with me anymore, but they're still there for me. I count on them to help keep me on an even keel. I've found that the new 'family' is just as supportive as the old one. They've taken me in, pretty much tucked me under their collective "wing", as it were, and are willing to take me as I am (insecurities and all!). They're willing to help me with my training, despite the unexpected and (hopefully) temporary setback that I've run into.

I can't say enough about the group I'm associated with now. At the risk of sounding like a complete dork, I can only say that I have a seriously cool group of friends. I'm proud to have them.

I'm planning on going over to visit with a friend on Friday afternoon. We'll be practicing one steps and Ho Sin Sul, with any luck. Of course, I need to brush up on my forms too, but I can do those on my own, with any luck. I'm determined to get back up to speed on my forms so that when I get back into class, I'll be ready to come in and pick up where I left off.

I just could not resist!

more animals

A skating tale

I complain rather vocally about the weather every chance I get. I absolutely adore rain, snow and gray days. I happen to live in a part of the country that is hardly ever blessed with consecutive days of any of the above. I eagerly read and absorb any and all information about my friends who do live in colder climates than me. I willingly beg to trade off my warm weather for their cold weather.

That changed for me this week. On Sunday, it was close to 80 degrees. By Sunday evening, it was dropping. It went from nearly 80 to 32 degrees in the space of a few hours. We had an 'arctic blast' push through our area. The temperatures didn't get up very much higher than 32 all day. By the time I left work last night (at 6:30!), it had started sleeting and icing. I was able to make it home without incident last night. This morning, I got up and found an icy wonderland. It sleeted and iced all night long. The news was all about the "severe weather" and how icy everything was. There was immense coverage of the ice and the road conditions. People were sliding into other people. I watched a truck come off a (very high and scary) ramp on the highway called the "High 5", hit one of two cars that was stalled or stopped on the ramp, knock it into the other car and keep going. That truck also came up off the road when he hit the other cars. It was amazing to see that he got away unscathed. (If he was a person of integrity, he would have stopped, but that's a rant for a different day.)

I left the house at 6:45 because I start work at 7:30 in the morning. I made it out of the parking lot with minimal incident (there was a small patch of ice on the street I didn't see when I left, so I skidded a little until my tires 'caught'!). The main route I normally take was mostly clear. There were little patches of ice here and there. Once I got to Greenville Avenue (it's a main highway in town), I was surprised by MORE ice, despite the higher volume of traffic. I usually follow a set route from the house to work. The one side street was a sheet of ice that I could see. That was a bit interesting. I had a person riding my bumper for at least a half mile and that irritated me. I do believe he figured out that I wasn't pleased when I slowed down further than the 30 miles and hour I was driving!! ha!

Once I signed on. the calls started coming in fast and furious. I got calls from customers as well as calls from co-workers. I was the only one on the phone for an hour this morning. Then another co-worker showed up. About 45 minutes later, another one rolled in. By 11:00 or so, the last one arrived at the train station and we had to go pick him up. My director called in and checked to see if the phones were being manned. I let him know that we were managing.
It was a very busy day, but a seriously productive one.

The kids were given a reprieve from school today. Our school district first decided to delay the opening for two hours, but decided within an hour of that to close for the day. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I had been planning on going to two different events this evening--a concert at my daughter's school and the Cub Scout Pack Meeting at my son's school. Both were canceled because the schools were not open today. Small reprieve, but also a disappointment as I had been anticipating the concert. I won't be able to make the 'open house' they're holding for the parents at the school on Friday. THAT upsets me but what can I do?? (work won't let me leave)

By the time I left the office, the roads were dry. Not a hint of ice remained, other than the cold temperatures. It was -2 degrees C in my car. I had put the temperature gauge to C for the kids, since that's a novelty they haven't experienced before. Aidan had fun and was going to tell his teacher yesterday that it was -4 C in the car when we dropped him off at school yesterday.

I certainly hope the few people who weren't driving nicely are going to be "normal" tomorrow. It's still expected to be very cold (for us!!!) tonight. The present temperature is 30 degrees F and is supposed to drop to 28. It's also sleeting again, so overnight maybe a wonderful surprise again.

Another Sunday

Dinner last night was wonderful. It was great to get out away from the family and just have a "Ladies' Night Out". I enjoyed it. I met Ms. S, Ms. Mad, Master M and the younger Ms. M, plus Ms. D at a restaurant called "Glorias". It was a really neat place. They serve "Tex-Mex" and Salvadoran food there. I had a dish called "Carne Flameadas", which was a chicken breast, grilled or broiled with a sauce on top that had onions, tomato sauce and cheese. It was extremely filling and very decadent. I ate too much, but that's okay. (Someone at work said that at this time of year, there are no calories between Thanksgiving and New Years.)

We sat and chatted all night about dogs, cats, our school and other things. One of the things they were talking about was the Ho Sin Sul class they'd run that afternoon. (I missed it!!) It was pretty interesting to listen to. I liked having the opportunity to sit and listen to them talk about various topics. It was a wonderful evening.

Tomorrow, Tony's working an "off" schedule. He has to be at work at 7:00 am. That leaves me to get the kids off to school. I can do it on Monday since I don't have to be at work until 9:30 (and I'll get there at 8:30, with my luck!) but Tuesday through Friday will be hard to manage. We'll have to figure out the logistics of getting everyone to school. After school isn't that hard as he'll be off work early enough in the afternoon to pick them up. It's just the getting them there that will be a challenge. I rather wish I knew someone we could carpool with, but the only parents I know are the Cub parents and they're not in my apartment complex.

Deck the halls...tra la la la la...

I *finally* got my Christmas cards mailed out today! Hooray!! I had most of them finished by last Saturday and have carried them around with me all week. I even dragged out the old address book because I fully intended to transcribe addresses from one book to the other. That didn't happen. I carried my box of Christmas cards and was given a load of malarky from at least one co-worker every single day this week. Grrr. I ignored him. That's all I could do. I'm in a pretty good mood though. Now we get to see how fast (or slow) the Post Office is about delivering things!!

On a different note, I'm going out to dinner tonight with the Black Tiger ladies. It ought to be a lot of fun! I'm pretty stoked that they included me, despite my lack of attendance this month. Makes me feel like I belong somewhere!!

December's busy!!

Man, what a month this is turning out to be! We had our Cub Scout Committee meeting tonight. Wednesday is the Den Meeting, plus I have my company's Christmas dinner that night. I absolutely must be at the den meeting!! I'm planning a few things that my assistant doesn't know about. I'm organizing a game that will help the boys earn an advancement. They also are getting their recognition badges/beads. We're baking cookies and talking about kitchen safety and playing a game. It'll be crazy!

Then, next week is tied up with Pack meeting on Tuesday, my daughter has a concert that night, my department is having a dinner on Thursday (darn it, there's my Tuesday/Thursday commitment already knocked flat!!). If I hadn't already told my instructors that I'd not be in on Tuesday, they'd think I had just up and forgotten them!!

The week after is, of course, Christmas week. Wow. It's hard to believe that we're almost at mid-month. I hadn't realized how busy my life was until I looked at a calendar. I am beginning to wonder if I'm crazy? I must be.

On the karate front, I haven't even set my workout plan into action yet. I am trying to commit myself to practicing at least 1-2 forms a day so that I'm up to speed on everything.
I want to practice Sip Soo again (that's one of my favorite forms). I know it's a high level form that I shouldn't know just yet, but...I like it just the same. I need to practice Bassai and Nahainchi Cho Dan as well. Actually, if I'm smart, I'll practice ALL of my forms! That way I can keep up with my training and won't be as lost as I could be when I return to class in January.

Oh what fun it is to drive...

Last night, as I was heading home after work, my car decided to spring a light. The check engine light came on and stayed on, despite me turning it off and back on. I'm a weird person...I can't stand looking at lights on my dash, so I took it to Auto Zone (a local car place here) and they put a meter on it to diagnose it. It was an "O2 sensor", which they did NOT have in stock. (boo, hiss!). This morning, I took it to the local auto repair shop down the street from my office. I was hoping beyond hope that it was going to be "small". HA! They diagnosed it for me (again). It's still the O2 sensor. I'm a bit perturbed because you shouldn't have this kind of problem with a "brand new" car. It's an '05, so I really don't think it should be doing this but...I'm not going to argue with a computer (I'd lose in this case). There are two of the silly sensors in the car and it was apparently one that wasn't in an easy to reach place.

The sensor didn't arrive at the car shop until 4:00. I didn't get a chance to leave work until 5:00...I was working with a technician on an installation that started at 1:30 this afternoon and ended just around 4:30-5:00. I do believe my customer was satisfied, but I was one UN-happy tech because I was supposed to have that tech in and out of the location within 2 hours. The tech did what he was supposed to do, I talked to the customer and he said he was satisfied. He has several ways to reach me, so if he has questions, he'll call me.

Went and picked up the car at 5:00. That was a relief! The car drives beautifully...I'm under warranty until either this time next year or 12000 miles, whichever comes first. As I don't travel very far, I guess it'll be next year.

This weekend is going to be spent cleaning house and getting ready for Christmas. I would like to decorate the apartment and at least make it LOOK festive in here!! I have a few plans for the weekend that also include finishing my Christmas cards. I wonder if I'll finish it...

Good things must come to an end...

...and so goes my vacation.
Today is my last free day of vacation. I can say that I have accomplished much during this vacation. I've rested (needed it!), hung out with the kids (needed that!!) and saw my father in law and his wife. I cleaned a bit, although not the way I'd envisioned. I'm not ready to have people in my house...but soon, hopefully.


Yesterday we went for a walk at one of the local parks. Tony took me out and told me to bring my camera. We went driving around. He wanted to get pictures of the trees that are extremely colorful at this time of year. Several maples, some live oaks, etc. We drove over by the skate park near downtown and found a neat walking trail that we explored. It was really quite nice to see. Plus, I got in some exercise yesterday!! I took several pictures while we were out.

These are a couple of my favorites.

I'm thankful for...

I am thankful for:

1. I have a roof over my head. (also very noisy neighbors, but...it's a place to live.)
2. My family is together and healthy.
3. I have a job. (I could be like the thousands who are out of work due to the current economic strife)
4. I have a few friends I can truly count on. One of them is at the old dojang, some are at the new dojang, several have left the dojang and are doing their own thing. Some of them aren't even martial artists. All of them, I can count on. I know that despite not being in constant touch with them, I can still count on them being there when I need to talk or have what seem to be silly questions.
5. I have good friends I have never met in person who are also there for me when I need them. (I met them through a couple of groups on Yahoo that I belong/ed to and again, despite not talking to them all the time, I do feel that they're there for me when I need to rant and rave.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Christmas wish list

I'm having the kids create their Christmas wish lists today. I figure that we can look at the lists and see what is the easiest and most economical thing to get them. The oldest has put "a television with my own satellite receiver" on her list, along with "a computer", "new cell phone", "DS", "MP3 player--the I-touch" and some other things. She put them on the list, knowing full well I'm not going to be providing all of these things. It's totally interesting to see what happens.
The young man has put things like "a Bionicle", a "DS", "games for the PS3, Wii and PS2" on his list. It is interesting to see the difference between the two.

MY Christmas wish list is as follows:

1. To learn my terminology for my karate class by my birthday (6 months, 1 week)
2. To learn Nahainchi Ee Dan and be able to execute it properly by March.
3. To learn my one-steps and Ho Sin Sul properly.
4. To learn to run and like it...or at least, just to run.
5. To learn NOT to focus on how heavy I am (yes, I'm heavy, but I'm working on it!).
6. To NOT stress out over work.

Of course, I have quite a few wants/wishes that cost money, like a house, etc, but I know that I have more control over the wish list I've posted. I can't afford to buy a house at present, especially since most of the houses I like in the neighborhoods I like are upwards of a quarter of a million dollars!! Unless Santa's going to be leaving me a cool 250-300k in my stocking, that's out of the question.

What's on YOUR wish list??

Wonderful way to start a vacation...

Last week, while I was at class, my little guy and his dad went to the Environmental night at his school. They entered a raffle and won...a gift certificate for a Swedish massage at one of the local "day spas". They gave it to me that night, when I got home from class. I was surprised and tickled pink. I had to wait until today to use it, but believe me, the wait was worth it!!

I went this morning at 8:45. The girl who gave me the massage was very good and asked all sorts of questions before so that she could concentrate on the areas I needed to have worked on. I tell you, that was so totally worth it! I actually asked them to upgrade it to an hour because I knew I'd really appreciate it. I most definitely appreciated it! I have been home since 10:30 and feel relaxed, calm and mellow. It's amazing, especially for me, the queen of stress! LOL!

After the massage was over, she showed me a stretch for the glutes--she said a lot of people are extremely tense there and it would be beneficial. I can see that as a good thing...and I'm thinking that since you use those muscles when you're performing kicks in martial arts, it's a good thing to have them relaxed and not all tensed up. It might make for a controlled kick. Of course, the core muscles also need to be worked as well, but that *IS* a muscle group we use daily and may not know how.

I liked this place. Even better was the fact that they were NOT selling any 'packages' or special deals. It was a good thing. I'm more likely to go back because of two things...the therapist and the the fact that it wasn't a hard sell place.

Cub Scouts and Karate

Cub Scouts and Karate...what a combination!!
Tonight was the Pack meeting. I attended that (kind of had to since I'm the Den leader!!). I decided that no matter what, I needed to go to class as well, if for nothing else, note taking. I met my friend, DB there and we observed class.
Unfortunately, the lights went out right around 9:00, so everyone was dismissed and headed on out. I introduced Master M to my friend and then asked her about a Ho Sin Sul move that I'd watched. She was kind enough to demonstrate, so I have a better idea of how it's supposed to work.

After class, DB and I stood outside in the parking lot and talked. We haven't had the opportunity to talk like that for a long time. It's something I missed. We talked about Bassai and I explained to him the opening (MG calls it a salutation) of the form, then actually ran through it. We compared what I've started to learn and what he had taught me and I showed him the refinements I'm working on putting into place. We also talked about Naihanchi Cho Dan and I told him that I felt like I have much work to do to get to that place in my mind that I have been living in. That's the place that says I have to get to "x-level"...and won't accept less than that. I have to work on that idea. I'll lose myself if I'm not careful. I'm determined to perform at a high level. I just need to give myself the "It's okay to not be perfect." talk soon. VERY soon or I'll have my butt kicked by a person with an injured calf!!

I didn't get to talk to Ms. S or Ms. Mad, nor Mr. L tonight. That's okay. I know they were all busy. I did show up, so that says *something*. I didn't just say "Oh, I'm too tired after Cub Scouts." and park myself on the couch. I'll give myself an "A" for that!!

I am going to write up my notes, such as they were, and send them to DB. He wanted to look at them. Plus, it'll help me figure out what they were doing. Big THANK YOU to Master F for telling me what started out the class. Yay!!

Sunday doings

I'm helping Amanda make a pie for school today. Her "Skills for Living" class had an assignment--make two dishes that your family uses to celebrate Thanksgiving. Pumpkin pie was one thing. The other is stuffing. She really wants to make the stuffing, so we'll do that a bit later. The pie is in the oven right now. We just got a lesson in 1. picking an appropriately sized pie crust (I usually make my own, but the dough is frozen, so we got a pre-made one!!); and 2. Selecting an appropriately sized bowl for mixing the stuff together. She may have to make yet *another* pie because Tony's possibly going to attack this one. We already threatened him but still...he IS hard headed and likes pumpkin pie.

Thursday's class

Thursday night's class was most fun and challenging. Master M had us do what she called a "DQ Sundae". Basically, she started us off with a technique and we then had to one by one, add on another technique. It was a matter of listening and remembering. She demonstrated each technique as we called it out. That was fun. It started out with an Aneseo Pahkaro Mahkee (spelling, sorry!), followed by a low side kick in kemah Jahsee (horse riding stance), then a torrida (spinning)...um, it was a back fist. I am still learning the terminology, so I don't have it all yet. It was a Kap Kwon, I think! I offered a Jang Kwon (palm-heel strike) ending in a front stance. I'm not looking at my notes at present, so I don't have all the techniques our line offered up memorized. It was a lesson in putting together the various techniques and think of the flow and how they interacted with the previous and the next technique. I have to admit to being disconnected. I was concentrating on doing the technique and making sure I did it correctly (which can be improved, I'm sure!). I didn't really think of the application at that point, but I've since been thinking about how they worked together. I can see in my mind how a torrida kap kwon can work to pop someone upside the head (I believe it's a temple strike), then with my offering (jang kwon), it's a blow to the ribs to further incapacitate the opponent. I think there may have been another kick there...I forgot what Mr. L offered (a spinning inside/outside crescent kick, maybe??). One of the other Mr. L's offered up a round house, I think. I forgot (again, not looking at my book), what the last technique was.

We were in two lines and the second line offered up a high block, jumping front snap kick, something that landed in a cross legged stance, reinforced middle block (I THINK). It ended with a jumping front snap kick with the REAR leg (need to work on those...I think too much and an opponent would see it coming a mile away!), ending in a cat stance with a plier/pincer grip?

When it came to forms work, I actually remembered Keecho Hyung Il Bu, Ee Bu and Sam Bu!!!! I think I spaced out on Bassai, so that means I need more work on it...and Naihanchi Cho Dan I think I had!! It really pays to practice. I'm going to get myself back into the habit of reviewing forms, starting with my basic forms and working up. I really need to stop THINKING and actually start doing. I will get there. Nothing happens overnight, no matter how impatient I am.

Mr. L gave me a few pointers on my high 'x' blocks. I can see the application and the benefit of doing it the way he showed me--there's a 'divot' on your wrist that you can lock your other wrist bone into...and it's more stable than the way I had been doing it. One minor tweak learned and committed to memory (we hope!).

Important thoughts

My instructor sent me this tidbit. It's also very thought provoking...


How long to earn a black belt?

How long does it take to earn a black belt? The answer is illustrated in the parable of the boy and the Karate master.

A young boy traveled across Korea to the school of a famous master. When he arrived at the school he was given an audience by the master.

"What do you wish from me?" the master asked.

"I wish to be your student and become a black belt. How long must I study?" the boy replied.

'"At least 10 years." the master answered.

"Ten years!" the boy exclaimed. "What if I studied twice as hard as all your other students?"

"Twenty years!" replied the master.

"Twenty years! What if I practice day and night with all my effort?" asked the boy.

"Thirty years!" was the master's reply.

"Why is it that each time I say I will work harder, you tell me that it will take longer?" the boy asked.

The master answered, "The answer is clear. When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the Way.'"

I wish...

I wish that just once, someone would take me seriously about my job. I'm the only woman in a department of men. They seem to think I'm a moron or something.
Yesterday, someone came over to ask me something about a machine, but he wouldn't stick around for the answer. Today, they're all acting like I'm contagious. I just don't get these guys. I'm just as good as they are and just as capable of helping the customers. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that I AM moody as all get out, but I'm also the one person who stays on the phone and does my job without a bunch of socializing when calls are holding. I don't mind socializing...you kind of HAVE to socialize if you're in a cubicle world for 8-10 hours a day.

Hey guys! I AM over here. I DO have brains. I DO work. I'm not just here to get your coffee and answer all the calls because you guys don't want to.

I wonder what would happen if I just suddenly signed off the phones during my manager's lunch hour like everyone else seems to? We all know the hold time would go up. Would anyone care? I seriously doubt it.

I either need to be like them and stop caring about my job so much or I need another job.

Thought provoking discussion

One of the people I read, Blogging the Martial Way, wrote a really cool blog today about "The Organic Growth of Martial Artists". I looked at it and found that I can totally relate to what he's saying. It gave me a lot of points to think about. It was an eye opener, and so was an email I received about it from a friend who just recently tested for her Sam Dan. I was talking to her about it being so true and here's what she said:

It was eye opening for me as well… we all have “serious gaps”, but understanding that that is part of the learning process (and not a personal deficiency) is important. It helps us learn not to beat ourselves up over what we don’t do well and need to improve… that it takes time to slowly move from one fractal image to another. It’s not a race, but as long as we are moving in that direction, that’s what counts.

I like being able to read blogs that make me think. It's also a good thing to enter into discussions about things with other people to get a different perspective. I spent Sunday afternoon talking to ML about my conceptions of how I was doing in class and got a mental "thwak!" to wake me up. I read this blog today and then received Ms. M's email about it. It's another "THWAK!" It isn't all about knowing all and being able to do all right off the top. It's about LEARNING. As you learn, you improve. You fill in the gaps, as it were, in your learning. You don't learn it all at the onset. It takes many days/months/years to achieve your goals. During that time period, you are always learning, always improving. Ikigai says "In dojo all over the world, instructors are sitting down with fresh beginners and stating very simply, 'your training is a combination of body, mind, and spirit!" How true this is. If you train your body, but you don't train your mind, then you're disconnected. You may be physically able to perform a technique, but unless you've learned the history behind what you're doing, you may not be able to fully understand it. I am learning this now.

What I'm also learning is that I can't sit there and beat myself with a mallet because I don't know everything I THINK I should know. Even if I did, I'd be insufferable, much like someone I have observed in the past. I don't want to be insufferable. I want to be a good martial artist. I want to be as good as I can be and I definitely need to STOP comparing myself to others!!
I think Ikigai's blog was possibly the prompt I needed to tell me to cut it out and get a life! I'm not ever going to be as good as someone who has been studying for a million years...they will always have that advantage over me. That doesn't mean that I have to sit down and cry about it. It just means that now I have to work so that one day, someone will look at me and say, "Gee, I want to be like HER." That's all that I can do.

Mantra, Day 2

I like the fact that I have a good memory and that people come to me for questions to be answered.

All Region

Well, Amanda's All Region hopes are dashed by a placement of 53rd out of 96 flutes. 53 is nothing to sneeze about and I am extremely proud of her for that accomplishment. I never had the opportunity to play an instrument myself, so this is really a great thing. I refuse to live my life vicariously through my daughter, so I can't do anything more than what I've already done...provide support and encouragement.

This weekend is another band function--the Robotics Team at school wants the Honors Band to go with them to a competition in Denton. It'll be another reason to see this band perform and to support my daughter's musical talents.

New day, new mantra, Thank you ML!

I'm trying something new in the way of my workouts and whatnot. I am going to start every day telling myself one thing I really like about myself. No more "Negative Nellie" for me. I've got a piece I wrote last June that I am going to re-type and share at some point. I was advised that it doesn't sound at all like what I've been saying lately. I really needed that advice and I am going to take it.

I got up this morning and looked at myself. Then I told myself, I like the fact that I'm caring and I listen to people.

I'll be repeating that to myself during the day. I AM capable of being a good martial artist. I wouldn't have a black belt if I didn't earn it somehow.
I earned it. Thousands of hours of sweat. I will earn my second Dan. I don't know when right now and frankly, after spending the weekend talking to a friend, I don't think I need to worry about the when. I need to worry about getting myself together, to getting what I need to accomplish done. I'm fine with who I am as long as I focus on the here and now and not the When.

A little positive reinforcement goes a LONG way!

Sunday morning

We haven't heard anything back from the competition yesterday to see where Amanda placed, so we'll have to wait on pins and needles (well, I'll be there, anyway) for tomorrow. I HOPE I'll hear something fairly early in the day. Tuesday is the second round of competition. I don't know what will happen. I *will* post it when I get the news.

I've been working on my class commands. One of the things I'm going to start doing is working with the kids to have them quiz me. I hate feeling like I don't know what I'm doing. I KNOW that everyone else has been doing this longer than I have in this school, but I want to be able to step in and do what they're doing. I've got to work very hard on that. I have a slight deficit, but I'll make up for it. I'm sending an email to a couple of people to ask for help with the terminology and when it's said. Then I'll do my best to commit it to memory.
I figure that once I commit it to memory, I'll be able to fall into place without having a prompter, as much as I appreciate it! I'm sure my prompter will appreciate it too.