Language barriers...not for long

I went to my first class at BTK last night. They are really, really nice there. I think I've mentioned it before. They have incredible patience for a martial artist with no Korean. I *should* know Korean! When we joined the Federation at the old school, there was a short-lived attempt to teach us Korean, but it didn't last longer than a couple of months. We were supposed to learn the names of the various blocks and punches. I *should* have been studying them before class, but I didn't. Well, now I'm going to spend my weekend studying!

Here's the first thing on my agenda:

NUMBERS
ENGLISH	KOREAN
1 One	Hana
2 Two	Tul
3 Three	Set
4 Four	Net
5 Five	Taset
6 Six	Yoset
7 Seven	Ilgot
8 Eight	Yodol
9 Nine	Ahop
10 Ten	Yol
11 Eleven	Yol Hana
12 Twelve	Yol Tul
13 Thirteen	Yol Set
14 Fourteen	Yol Net
15 Fifteen	Yol Taset
16 Sixteen	Yol Yoset
17 Seventeen	Yol Ilgot
18 Eighteen	Yol Yodol
19 Nineteen	Yol Ahop
20 Twenty	Su Mul

Say THOSE three times fast!!

Tuesday night randomness....

My hubby stepped up to the plate and wrote an email for me to send to my former instructor. He told him I'm not coming back.
Now that it's done, can we move on????

The Olympics are on the way. My favorite competitions are the swimming, the gymnastics and the equestrian events. I think they're wonderful to watch. I hope I'll be able to Tivo some of the events to watch at a later point. It will be pretty cool to see that after work. I may have to hunt for a podcast or something to sneak peeks at during work!!!

No Regrets

Record high....

Today was a record high.

107

NOT a mis-print. That's the record high. It was today's temperature. The previous record had been 105. It's now broken.

Hotter than???

Here's a funny for you...I have the Accuweather toolbar on Firefox (since I use it). It's showing the temperature for today to be "106* F". What's so funny? Well, beside it, there's an icon of a thermometer in flames. Pretty much describes how it is today. HAHAHA!!!
It really does feel like this:

Having a meltdown...

It's 9:40 in the evening and it's still 95 degrees outside. Can you tell me what's wrong with this picture??? It's too bloody HOT!!!
I want some snow! We're living under an "Excessive Heat Warning" because the Heat Index is going to be between 106-110. Hold on, it only gets better. Ha!!!
Not better. Just hotter. 23 days of triple digit temps. It was 104 for a high today. Tomorrow is supposed to be 108 near where we live. The actual air temperature is supposed to be 110. Okay. Someone tell me WHY I live in H-E-double hockey sticks? Someone I used to know used to say "It's 100 and death outside". Yep...that's true.

It's not supposed to be any cooler for the next 7 days. Oh please, at this point, I'd cheerfully BEG for a tropical storm!! If we happened to get a storm in the Gulf of Mexico right now, off the Texas coast, I'd be thrilled because it could impact our weather up here. OR we could get a cold front (hahahaha! NOT in August!!).

I'll take a spine for Two Hundred

I truly despise conflict. I don't do well with it and am easily cowed by more forceful personalities. I have to make a phone call I don't want to make and explain my reasons for not coming back to my old school to my instructor. I am not happy about that either. I'm going to disappoint him and that makes me very nervous.

Basically, today he called my cell phone. I answered it as "Thank you for calling Mur--Um, this is Meg, can you hold on?" He said, "sure" and I was able to finish my call with my customer I'd been talking to. Then I put myself into "not available" and took that call (which is a no-no in our call center). He said, "hey, how are you?" I said "fine..." He said "Do you know who this is?" I told him I didn't recognize the voice and he said, "It's M!" Then he launched into "Don't care about the money, get back into class!" I was like, Ummmmm....I can't talk about this right now. Can I call you back? He said fine, just don't ignore him.

Now I have a dilemma. I don't want him to have any power over me. I do owe him some respect for his teaching me and helping me overcome a lot of obstacles. I also owe it to myself to be honest with him and with myself. I just wasn't happy with the way things changed. I'm a creature of habit. I truly LOVE Tang Soo Do and want to stay with that discipline. I don't want to go and learn new disciplines or new forms, more than the forms I am already set on learning. I don't want to disappoint myself by not being able to stand up for my right to explore the fullness the Tang Soo Do traditon has for me. I'm a Cho Dan and I earned it, despite what anyone else says.

There is a Sam Dan (He may be a Sa Dan, I don't know) in his school who makes me feel like I'm the lowest life form around. I didn't want my leaving to be tied to him because it validates HIS power over me but at the same time, he wasn't a mentoring type and didn't make me feel like I was worth anything. I pretty much felt like I was insignificant.
I do like myself and I am worthy of the decisions I'm making, so now all I have to do is to tell M that I'm not coming back and tell him in a polite way that I'm not coming back and it has everything to do with my determination to continue on the course I've set for myself. I am going to have my second Dan (Ee Dan) next year. I am going to be more physically fit. I will have my Ee Dan in the tradition I have chosen, which is Tang Soo Do.

Now I just need to put it into words that are pretty but firm and say what I need to get across, that I am worthy and I'm going to keep out of his school.

Post class

Why the heck was I nervous about this class? Was it because I have a low sense of self esteem? Possibly. Possibly because I didn't know what to expect and therefore expected the worst? I don't know, but once I started showing Mrs. S. my forms, everything settled down. I felt like I had a captive audience, one who expected to see perfection and yet was understanding that I felt odd. I haven't worked on forms in a really long time, so this was a good thing for me. I felt that I was showing them that I am capable of going into their school and performing at a high level. You know what? I wasn't showing them. I was showing myself!

I pretty much glued myself to Ms. S for the duration of class. I like her. She has a great sense of humor, and I found out that she teaches her kids to do a middle knife hand block as "a cup of tea and slicing bread" (you are basically holding one hand in front of your sternum, palm up, flat and the opposite hand is out in front of you as if you're slicing something.). That was a good thing to learn. I told her that we learned Pyhung an Sam Dan and Pyhung an Sa Dan as "Superman" and "splat!" for certain parts of the form. I did Pyhung an Cho Dan and goofed up part of it. I wasn't remembering my forms properly because of nerves or something, but I caught it and stepped back to the point where I lost it.

It was funny to see these guys realize that I was Aidan's mom. They've only seen me twice in the kids' class, out of uniform, and again twice on Saturdays. I had a bit of fun when Ms. M recognized me as Aidan's mom, but also as a black belt.

I won't be participating in the Dan pre-test on Tuesday. It's an assessment of people's abilities. Mrs. S said it was a "benchmark" of fitness and ability. Should be fun when I finally get to jump in on one. Of course, I have to learn the names of the blocks/kicks/punches/etc. That's something I need to put out there. I need lots of work on the Korean. In my last school, we didn't use the Korean terminology all that often. We switched from calling the first form "Basic Form #1" to "Keechyo Hyung Il Bu" about the time we started having Master St. James attend our belt tests. Having gone through two belt tests at USMA, I'm sure I'll be able to attend a belt test at BTK with little difficulty. I'm going to start working on my terminology and studying. This has to be treated like a university program in order for me to excel. I prefer to think that I'm learning at a higher degree of education, so I'll get myself into that mindset now.

Class in an hour

I am attending class in an hour and I'm very nervous about it. I don't have any idea if my forms are going to be quality enough for these guys. I don't know if I've got the skills they have (well, I know I won't be able to get up off the floor without touching it!!). I'm worried that I'm going to look like a total dweeb. I'm nervous and scared.
I'll find out when I get there. I hope that this class is a good workout.

Friday conditioning

I was thinking about some of the goals I've set for myself this morning as I walked over to the grocery store to get some coffee. I want to get out and walk more and this was the perfect opportunity. It's very warm outside already, but that's a hazard when you live in Texas. It is HOT. It won't be cool again until October. I'm going to have to adapt to walking either early, early morning or in the evenings. I can do it. I need to. I feel like I'm losing my conditioning because I haven't DONE anything in forever!

I did my push ups again this morning. 20 regular, 10 diamond. That's a pretty good thing for me. I can actually FEEL it in my arms. I need to work on strengthening my core muscles too. Just holding in my stomach isn't going to do it all, I realize this. I have to start doing crunches as well. I'm looking for any suggestions on this too. I suppose I can do 'bicycle crunches'. That would work both the mid-section and the obliques a little bit too.

I hope to be able to do a Dan test in October to re-certify my black belt. Master St. James told me that my belt is only good if it's re-certified yearly. I don't have a school to work with that is affiliated with the Atlantic-Pacific Tang Soo Do Federation. Hopefully Black Tiger will accept my belt and will help me re-cert. I'll have to speak to Master Gutt about that. At least I'm working on my conditioning again and not ignoring that. Just need to work on some other skills.

Have I mentioned how impressed I am with BTK lately? I was observing them during class on Tuesday (we skipped yesterday) and saw that they're training the kids in a defensive way. For example, they were explaining that when you do a down block (if you're not a martial artist, pardon me for a second), you block with your front hand in front of your knee, but you also pull your "chamber hand" back and use the elbow to get a potential attacker in the ribs. I can see the practical application of that. Most interesting, indeed. I never would have thought to teach the kids like that. I'm glad I'm seeing a different school of thought here. It's an eye opener or sure.

Tuesday is a joint meeting of the two different locations for a black belt pre-test. I'm thinking I'll go and participate this time around. I'm NOT in any kind of condition to test, but hey. If I don't go, I'll be cheating myself out of anything and everything I love. I love martial arts. There's a physical and mental challenge there. I love the fact that they also encourage the spiritual. This school is well rounded. They start out with bowing to the flags, then to the picture of Grandmaster, then to a picture of Master G (since he's not in classes at present). Then everyone sits down and there's a moment of silence. It's a way to gather your thoughts and pull your focus inward. Master St. James uses that same technique when he comes to the belt tests. After the moment of silence, everyone stands up and the warm up commences.

Now, beyond that, I don't know how the adult class is run. I haven't actually ATTENDED one yet. Tomorrow is an "open" training and I may as well wander down there and participate. This way I'll be able to get a feel for what I need to do or not do. I'll have to find out if Aidan's interested in going. They let the kids attend too. That's why it's an "Open" class, eh?

Stress...ACK!!

I have been so stressed out at work for the past several days that today and tomorrow are vacation days for me. I couldn't handle much more of the stress. I was so sore when I got home from work yesterday, it wasn't even funny! I have a tendency to hold stress in my middle to lower back and it *hurts* when I get that tense. I just need to sleep or something when that happens. I've tried bending over at the waist and leaning over my knees at my desk to try to alleviate the pain, but it hasn't worked out well at all. I have a dealer who sends me emails and text messages to the effect of "don't stress!" quite a bit. I'm not sure why I react that way, but I do. I can try to consciously NOT worry about the calls holding when I'm there, but it's very hard to NOT worry. I'm paid to watch the calls holding. I'm not paid to roam the halls (like SOME people do!) and gossip with people from other departments. I get in at 7:15 and work until 5:00 and sometimes later. It depends on who's at work! It also depends on whether or not I finish my work before I leave for the day. If I've got a pile of calls to be closed, I'll stay around to work on them. If it's not more than 1-2, then I'll go home.

I'm taking the kids to the park tomorrow. I hope to get a few good pictures--we're going early in the morning. I want to beat the heat!! It's currently 93 degrees and it's nearly 7:00 pm!! Yuck! i wish it would rain. I really, really wish it would rain!!! We weren't anywhere near the outflow from hurricane Dolly, so it didn't do anything for us.

I've actually don'e some push ups!! I did 15 regular push ups and 6 diamond push ups. I was standing with my feet about 12-15 inches from the wall and my hands on the wall. It worked out well. I still got the workout in my shoulders and biceps. I felt the work out in my triceps as well, so that's a start. I did them yesterday, so today I have off. I'll do them again tomorrow and then starting Saturday, I'll add them in daily. I don't know if they require push ups during class at BTK but since Tuesday's a black belt pre-test, I'm going to find out. I think they're running tonight. I'm obviously NOT there--not when it starts in 30 minutes and I'm not there. Ah well.

Speaking of Black Tiger...I got approval from the head of the Federation I currently belong to to explore other options, including the Moo Duk Kwan Tang Soo Do Federation. It makes me feel better that he said it was okay. I didn't want to just up and abandon ship, but...well, yes, I actually did. I already made tracks and ran. Now I've got to put myself into a new class and get working on my Ee Dan (second degree) certification!

Plans gone astray?

I'm all talk and no actions these days. I INTEND to work out. I don't. I intend to write things down. I don't. This has got to stop. I need to get off my butt and go do something constructive. I need to change this.

I haven't really done anything this weekend, other than laundry and cleaning out the kitchen. We went out and bought a new television to replace our old, blinkie television. We now have a nice, new television that isn't blinking and driving us nuts! It's good to see true color! Hooray.

It looks like I'll be taking Aidan to Black Tiger on Tuesday and then staying for the adult class afterwards. There are some things I need to do, like filling out the appropriate paperwork to get myself started back on the martial arts path. I need to refresh my memory on the forms. I need to see if my good friend, DB, will be willing to get together when he's not over at school and help me refresh my memory on forms. I want to go into this new school in better shape than I am now. I need to start doing crunches and push ups before work. If I start with ten and work up from there, I'll do fine. Actually, I'll set a different goal. I'm going to start with 15 and work up to 30. My ultimate goal is to do 45 pushups in about a minute. I don't know if it's timed during Dan tests or not, but we'll see. I'm going to treat it like it is, so it'll give me more motivation.

I am going to work on this grand scheme of mine tomorrow. I'm going to start taking clothes to work with me, going out and walking (yes, during the heat of the day!). I SHOULD be able to walk almost a mile in about 15 minutes. Since I haven't walked in quite a while, it's going to be a stretch to get the first walk in in 15 minutes, but once I've been doing it for about a month, I can build up to shortening the time to ten minutes.

BTK again

We went to Black Tiger last night. I am very pleased with how it went. Little boy was in an "advanced Basic" class. He needed that because he is extremely rusty with forms and doesn't have good stances at all. His front stance is weak and his kicks are also weak. He'll learn, I'm sure. It'll just take a while. The gentleman who taught Aidan's class is a red belt, but a very strong guy who is to be listened to. I liked him. He even knew how to spell Aidan's name! That's a HUGE plus! He knew that it was Irish too!!

I got the list of one steps that Aidan and I have to work on, plus the fitness requirements this evening. I've seriously got to start training! There is a lot of work to do. I have to start getting myself into better shape. I may take a month off and start walking and running. I have to be able to do at the very least, 34 crunches and 36 push ups. The way they described the push ups, they're "right angle push ups". This tells me that I have to be in plank position. They also encourage kicking for a while. I have to run a mile in ten minutes and thirty seconds. Yes, I think I can work on this. It looks like we will be joining BTK.

The only downside that I can see is that I'll most likely NOT test next year for my Ee Dan. I'll have to talk to Master Gutt and see what he thinks. I know that physically, I'm not ready. I can do the push ups and crunches, but the kicking and the running, I would have issues with. I will persevere though. It's what I do and I'm very narrow minded right now. I WANT that Ee Dan!!

Randomness

I've been thinking. I've been thinking a LOT.

I feel...guilty, possibly. No, not possibly. I DO feel guilty. I feel guilty that I'm happy and that I feel like this dojang is a good fit for me and my son. The people there were absolutely awesome and helpful! I don't know what Thursday will bring, but I'm definitely taking my son up there and looking at it.

Another reason I feel guilty is that my (now former) instructor is in transition right now--he doesn't have his new building yet, but I've gone and "abandoned ship", according to the MMA instructor. I had to do what was right for us. My best friends have agreed with me on this. They're all really supportive of my decision. DB knows how hard it was for me to make the decision. He's probably gotten a thousand text messages about it in the past few days. LOL!

I've got to talk to the people up at BTK this evening and find out if I can stay on track with my second Dan if I join them. I don't want to have a setback in my training. Of course, we've already discussed that I won't lose my belt. A black belt is an earned belt. They won't de-belt me for not being in THEIR style. Another huge plus! I've got to start studying Korean now, because I do want to make sure I can speak it well enough to understand the commands they'll be giving in class.

Ms. S told me on Saturday to start a training notebook, so that is what I shall do. Even if I don't join them, (I'm more likely to join them than a TKD place because of my issues with change!!), I need to track my training and keep up with it. It will be a part of the discipline I need to work on. This is a mini-goal of mine. I need to keep my practice notebook up and current. I need to work on forms (and I just did Sip Soo in my cube, so that's one thing down) and I need to work on one steps. If you think about it, ask me if I did my forms today.
Ask me if I wrote it down!

Martial arts thoughts..

I woke up with a whole new attitude about things yesterday. I was more cheerful than I have been in a LONG time! I was smiling and talking about martial arts. I haven't been overly grouchy. My co-workers were ready to shoot me. One of them came over and said "good morning" to me and I jumped back with "HI! Good morning!" He was a bit surprised, but told me I was in a cheery mood. We heard from over the wall, "Don't encourage her!" Hahaha!! Don't encourage me, indeed!
I even went out at lunch, which I NEVER do! Of course, part of that was the fact that I didn't have lunch with me. The other part of it was that I wanted to get out from within the four walls of the building. I wanted to be in the sunshine, even if just for a few minutes.

Today is a new day. I'm taking youngest to the new place to see if they can work with him. I want him to take martial arts because he enjoys it. I want to make sure he's able to keep going if that's what he wants. I don't want to tell him "you HAVE to take this class", but I want him to have that option if it's something he wants to do. I think he'll enjoy it. I don't know how they work with little kids, but I want to observe and see what it's like. I don't think I'm going to attend the adult class this evening. I want to see if my friend DB will go with me. I do also need to talk to Master Fox and see if her school fits my style. I'm giving myself many options, not just settling for the first thing that comes along.

Saturday happenings....

I went to Black Tiger today and participated in their Dan training class. They don't call it 'cit' or anything like that, but it's for the belts to perfect the teaching techniques. I really liked it. I felt like I was in a good place. They had people from the Legacy school as well as the Russell Creek school there. They were ALL very friendly and very nice. They treated me like one of their own. There wasn't any "I'm a higher Dan than you, so I am perfect" with them. I spent time with a Second Dan who had just come back from a very long car trip. She was fun! She explained a lot of things to me and talked to me about the school, how they run things, etc. I heard about Master Gutt (pronounced as in Glute, but without the "L") and about Grand Master Kim. They teach Mu Do Kwan style Tang Soo Do. I found out that I know a "master" form in Sip Soo, which I found most interesting. They don't teach Jin Do or Sip Soo until you're training for your fourth Dan. Their way of doing Nahainchi Ee Dan was different. They do it this way: high knife hand block (x-block), double elbow to the sternum, then the hand thing where you do the double punch to the sternum and trap the hand. That's where they do it differently--they do it as a block to the leg with the hand. It was a lot different from what I've learned.

We did Keecho Hyung Il Bu and Master P (a sixth Dan) emphasized using your hips. I found it challenging to do Keecho Hyung Il Bu when he said to do it double up (down block, same stance, down block again!). I wanted to keep going on with my form. I certainly was not the slowest one there, but they were going for slow.

Another interesting thing that sort of made me cringe, but makes me feel good too is the fitness aspect of it. They want you to be physically fit, so they do have a requirement to do x number of push ups, x number of crunches for your age/sex/rank. They do require that you are able to run a mile, just like USMA. They said that for my age/sex/rank, I should probably be able to run a mile in somewhere around 11 minutes or so. (can we all say "ICK"???)

I may lay low for a while. I'm very bummed about having to leave USMA. I feel like I wasn't needed over there. It definitely wasn't fun anymore. It was a drag to have to go in every week. I didn't/don't feel like he's even noticed I'm not there. Tony said he was going to send me an email but I've still not gotten anything. Oh well.

For now, I think I'm going to concentrate on getting my fitness levels up and then we'll see about karate again. I want to get some of this extra weight off. I did meet some really nice people there today. They're cool. It doesn't feel so different from what USMA was when I started--like a huge extended family. I've got to go the rest of this month without karate because I can't really afford it, but we'll see what next month brings.

Moodiness

Warning...I'm in a MOOD. If you don't want to hear me whine, stop reading now...

I'm feeling...well, to quote a friend, "Meh". I'm not sure what's going on but I feel a bit put off. I wonder about my family. Are we active enough? Do we have enough going on in our lives? Am I providing for them well enough?
We don't travel. We don't do FUN things. What AM I doing these days?
I go to work, get good and stressed out and then come home, to sit on the couch and either watch television or just attempt to talk to Tony about the day. Meanwhile, I'm not getting in any kind of work outs. I don't communicate with my martial arts teacher. I don't get emails about what's going on with the school. I feel the strain in my shoulders and that hurts!!

I feel...suspended. Disconnected. Missing something.


I read blogs about how people I know are doing all these fun things and I wonder, why does my family not do fun things like that? We don't go out anywhere. We stay at home. We don't go to local parks. I can't say I have "perfect kids". I have kids who are just average. I am too lenient for my own good. I let my oldest have a cell phone. I let both kids watch television and play video games. I don't discipline enough. (something I've been told repeatedly!!) I don't over schedule my kids' lives. I let them "dictate" to me what they want to do.


I am wishy-washy?

I have spent a lot of time lately, wondering about things. I wonder if I've irritated people when I write emails and don't get responses. Then I wonder (with all my insecurities showing!) if I've done something stupid and/or bothered people. I wonder what I need to do to improve my relationships with people.
I wonder if I'm just being unnecessarily whiny for no reason?

I want. I want a lot of things. I want to be approachable. I want to have the super active family. I want to travel. I want to share my adventures with the world. I want to write convincingly. I want to have all the time in the world to read. I want to explore places I haven't seen before. I want to see places I haven't been to. I want to go to the Grand Canyon. I want to go to Canada, to Germany, to Italy and Ireland. I want to be my ideal weight.
I want. I want a lot of things.


Where to begin???

Summertime...

We have had extremely warm weather for the past several days. My poor plants on the patio are suffering. The kids are charged with watering while we're at work. They're doing fairly well, but we do have to remind them to get busy and water or we won't see any more tomatoes. My tomatoes are mutating. They're turning into more than just a patio tomato. It's almost like they are saying "I DARE you to say I'm JUST a patio tomato!" I love summer for the fresh fruit and veggies. I rather wish I had a house to be able to go out in the backyard and garden out there, but...we're not going to be buying a house any time soon.

I love summertime because it always smells so fresh outside, especially when there's been enough moisture overnight to create dew on the grass. It's fun to walk through the grass barefooted. I miss that with the apartment...it's just not the same. It's been warm enough, as I said before, that there isn't even any dew on the grass. I walked across the grass to my car this morning and didn't even get my toes damp!! If it wasn't so warm, I'd sleep with the windows open because I love to have the night breezes stirring the curtains as I'm sleeping. there is something that is relaxing about feeling the breeze.

Another thing that spells out summer to me is that the swimming pool is always warm and comfortable in the early morning. There's none of the "EEK! COLD POOL!" shock that you inevitably get if you're in a cooler climate. On Saturday, the pool was about 80-85 degrees and was very nice. Aidan and I spent a lot of time (practically all of our time!) in the pool. It felt wonderful. We'll be going again next weekend. We may go on Sunday as well. I am not sure yet. It all depends on how busy the pool is. At the time we went (9:00 am), there wasn't anyone outside.

Saturday

It's 2:00 on a Saturday afternoon. It's a lovely, quiet Saturday. About the usual around here. We went swimming this morning and I got quite a workout with Aidan and Tony. Amanda stayed inside because she didn't feel like swimming. I actually went into the water and swam! I was surprised that I didn't make excuses not to go, but I didn't. The water was pleasantly warm--I'm guessing it was about mid 80s. Very comfortable to swim in. We went at 9:00, so it wasn't crowded at all. We actually beat the rush so that was nice. Someone apparently had held a party out by the pool last night--there was quite the evidence, what with beer cans and pizza boxes all over the place. Most of it was in the trash, but someone had neglected to pull the case of empty cans off one of the tables. That is a hazard of living in an apartment. What are you going to do? At least we got in a good swim. I think the people responsible for the party came back while we were in the water and picked up *some* of their trash. Not all of it, but some of it. It's a start!

Good news on the weight front...I was down 1.5 pounds this morning. This is very good!! I'm not going to complain at all. I also got in some exercise and feel like I did some good. I still have some laundry to do and I need to vacuum the living room. I'm in an "anti-chores" mood. I'll have to get off that because I need to make sure I set a better example for the kids than I have been.

Speaking of a good example, I need to work with the kids on their forms too. We have a test (well, they do!) at the end of the month. I want to make sure that they're ready for it.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. My feeling was that the school was going to go away and Mr. M emphatically said "NO" to that when we were in the CIT class on Wednesday. He also said that we're looking for a new "home" for the school. Most likely he'll have the contract signed by the end of the month. He wants the school members to help him move everything in. After that, we start in full force with MHK. We will be fully integrated with them. Our curriculum is changing from Tang Soo Do to Taekwondo. I'm not 100% excited about that. I need to make sure I approach it in a positive manner. I also need to talk to him about the possibility of letting Amanda drop. She's not thrilled about it. I'm not going to force her to do something that she isn't interested in. I refuse to use psychological warfare on her and tell her that she's a "quitter" if she doesnt' finish this out. It's not her dream to become a black belt. She initially got involved with martial arts because I was in it. She really doesn't feel comfortable with it and is just doing it now because I want her to. She'd much rather focus on her flute and other things. I think that's fine. She had issues with keeping her grades up last year in school, so I think that the added distraction of martial arts is going to have to be let go. Mr. M told me the last time I tried to talk to him about it that she was "apathetic". We're just breeding resentment and that's not what I want her to have. I want her martial arts experience to have been a positive one. Even if she didn't finish, she tried. She attempted it for a year. Nobody's done anything for her to make her interested in staying. They pull out all the stops to emphasize the "Leadership Team" but she's not been invited to join. I'm sorry but if you want someone to feel welcome, give them an incentive. Tell them that they're doing something good when they are. Gently correct them when they're incorrect, then tell them, "This is good..." It's easier to catch a fly with honey than it is with vinegar...

I'm going to visit Sensei Fox on Monday. Her classes are from 7:15-8:15, I think. It's Taekwondo, but it's a different style from that of what MHK is teaching, I think. I'm planning on arriving unannounced and signing my waiver, then jumping in full force with her. I know they do a lot more in the way of kicking than we do. It'll be interesting to see how her warm ups go. Will she do technique or will she do something else??

Ch-ch-changes...

Lots of changes going on at the dojang. I'm sure that mentioning that we have to do a half mile run before the next test is not breaking any rules. I must say, I'm "allergic to running". Mr. M told me that he didn't care, I'd be running anyway. I have to say "ewwww!" I am vehemently NOT a fan of running! I leave that to the people who are lots lighter than me, the ones who enjoy it! Ah well. I'll get used to that, I suppose.
He told us a lot of things during class. I can't repeat it because he was very upset that there are huge rumors flying around about him, the school, etc. He talked to the CIT class and explained a few things to us. I've still got unanswered questions and I'm still performing my own reconnaissance on the other schools. I am going to go visit USA Martial Arts tonight and see my friend EG. Then I'm going to run down to the Y if I have the time (and feel so inclined) to check them out. I'm not 100% sure I'm going to stay where I am. I like Mr. M and the people there, but I'm not pleased by all the changes and I feel like maybe I need to look at moving on. I feel under appreciated when I'm there. I feel like some of them see me and just think, "Oh. It's YOU." I am probably viewing it through my own dissatisfaction and that's probably why I feel like that. (Time for the positive self-talk again!)

In other news...I stepped on that ugly scale this morning and was up 2 pounds from yesterday. I KNOW I worked out and didn't drink enough water, PLUS I ate enough sodium in the rice and beans the hubby made for dinner to cause me to retain water in case of a drought! The rule of thumb has to be "more water." "More water." "MORE WATER." If I don't drink enough, I'll puff up.
I'm very sensitive to salt. To make matters worse, I took a couple of Alleve today and that's got sodium in it too! Get the firehose handy!!

Lunch is almost over. I have a product specialist swiping my manuals so I need to go help him.

Interesting...

Over the weekend, just by carefully watching my food intake, I was able to lose 5 pounds. I know it's a fluke, but still, that was a relief to see on the scale this morning! I'm still drinking water...getting ready to refill my 24 oz bottle for the second time.

Tonight is my regular class at 5:30 or 6:15. I'm not sure what time it is. I'm so confused! LOL! I'm going to take both kids with me. IF they're testing at the end of July, they need lots of classes to make up the forms. Aidan's got his fancy form for the competition team that he's been working on. He needs to work on Pyung Ahn Sam Dan ("superman")...or is that SA Dan (splat)? At any rate, he needs to work on his forms. Amanda also needs to work on her forms because I don't want anyone to tell me she's "apathetic" again. What's really sad is that she isn't interested, truly. I feel like forcing her to take part in the sport is going to make her absolutely anti-martial arts. Her dad was forced to take part in football as a kid by HIS dad. I don't want to force her to do it myself. I want it to be something she does because she loves it, not because I'm saying "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!" Hopefully I'll know whether or not this is going to be a lasting thing.

That's about all I have for right now. I need more water (24 oz x 2!) and then get myself back to taking calls.

Minus 40!

I am back to minus 40 pounds!! This was an "unofficial" weigh-in, but I'm taking it! I finally got serious about following the plan. I'm tired of being worried that my clothes aren't going to fit again. I'm tired of being down on myself for not losing the weight I want to lose. If I want to lose it, then darn it, I've got to work on it!! I can't sit around and moan that "I'm so fat, why can't I lose the weight?" Nope. I have do DO something about it! I did something! I watched what I ate and how I ate it. I am not going to fail this time. I need to keep my mind focused on what is important--I want to be healthy. I don't want to lose weight for anyone but me. I am not trying to fit into anyone's idea of what I should look like. I just want to be healthy because ultimately, that will make me healthy. It'll also make it easier for me to practice my martial arts. I won't be so afraid of falling, maybe?

We're currently watching "Finding Neverland". It's got some wonderful costuming in it. I haven't seen it before, so this is a wonderful thing today. I love the costuming. It's beautiful.

On track...

I overslept this morning and didn't make it to WW. My first weekend (well, second, actually!) that I wasn't doing martial arts and I slept through it! I must have needed my sleep is all I have to say. I was wiped out.

Anyway, despite my oversleeping, I did find out that I lost 2.5 pounds from yesterday. I have shown a gain for this week, but that's because I haven't been following plan. It's time to reduce my stress levels and work on increasing both my activity levels and follow plan!

Sent hubby and the kids off to see Wall-E today. I didn't go. Instead, I stayed home, did laundry and cleaned house a little. I enjoyed having some quiet time to me. I needed it. I got a chance to think a little more about the coming week. I've got to get busy and do some more research for the coming week. Mr. M was actually out of town this week, in Denver, visiting with Mile High Karate. I don't know what was going on. I didn't ask when I talked to him earlier in the week.
I wonder what will happen this week when he gets back?

I can see clearly now...

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. - Robert Frost

(My thanks to Dee for letting me borrow her idea of the quote at the beginning of this blog)

I've had some time to think today, in between being incredibly busy at work and driving home. I have had time to calm down and re-evaluate my position at the school. I know that Mr. M may not appreciate a hysterical female going into his office and talking to him (wait! He doesn't HAVE an office now!), or even being pinned down by one, so I'll just hang loose and bide my time. Mr. M will be out of town until next week, so I'll have time to finish my reconnaissance and try to make a decision. DB sent him an email today telling him that people were asking questions, so he needed to come clean with everyone about it. I mean, I've heard things. JS has heard things. In fact, JS has heard a lot of things and has told me lots of things. I feel like I'm twisted like a flag in the wind. I want to have the security of my dojang, the certainty that I was in a good place, where I was working with the Little Ninjas and Young Warriors with my good friend, then attending the Adult classes with everyone else. I miss those days. Things actually started changing for us in February and March. That was when the downhill slide started. I'm not going to dwell on it any longer. I'm bummed out that things didn't stay the way it was. I was living in a fantasy, I'm sure.

I decided that I am going to talk to Mr. M calmly and rationally (or as rationally as I can!) I'm going to ask him politely if he is keeping the school running or if he's going to shut it down. If he IS going to shut it down, and if he's going to sell off the contracts, which is what I remember him saying on the Saturday we were evicted, I'm going to ask him not to sell MY contract. I'd like the opportunity to choose where we're going to go. I would like to stay with the discipline of Tang Soo Do, rather than to change to Taekwondo. I'm not the best with change, so I would have to think a lot about that. I'm going to do some reconnaissance to a couple of other schools. I've been told about USA Martial Arts, Black Tiger Karate (this is TSD) and Plano Martial Arts. If Tony hadn't worked late tonight, I'd have gone to one of the three. I may go to BTK on Thursday. EG has invited me to take a class with her at USAMA. I'm going to see how well I can manage a couple of classes on Thursday.

At work today I spent a lot of time putting out fires. I am covering for my manager and am in charge of the department, so I had my usual call taking along with dispatching service calls and following up on calls. I also had to chase down ETAs on calls, etc. My director was forwarding calls for me to follow up on as well.
I managed to even tell the guys politely that we had calls holding. If they don't like it, well, they'll like my attitude a little better than my usual one. I normally yell about the calls holding but today I told them calmly that there were calls holding. I didn't get too grouchy at all. Just another side effect of all the thinking I've been doing. I'm learning...


Another thing I'm going to work on is my negative self talk. Piqued brought up a really good thing. She asked me if I am feeling like the "poster child" because I'm upset that I haven't lost the weight I'd wanted to lose. Very good thought. I have lived with negative self talk for so long that it's very hard to break that vicious cycle. I have to work on that. I need to get on with working on my positive self thinking. I'm going to take the time to tell myself that I'm worthy every day. It will help in the long run. It will make me believe that I'm a good person. You can't spend all of your time believing you're a "bad" person without it affecting your outlook on life. Instead of thinking the negative, I can turn it around to the positive. This is something else I need to work on.
The positive self talk will result in confidence. That's something I've been needing and I do believe it will help me immensely.

Rant

Be warned. I'm ranting.
I had to work late yesterday and advised my martial arts instructor that I was going to be late for CIT. He said that was fine, he was out of town anyway. My friend, DB, was going to teach. Okay, great.
Well, at 7:15, as I'm on my way down to the dance studio, I find a text from DB. "Nick sent everyone home. CIT has been canceled. We're going to work on third Dan stuff with S & B." Okay, fine. Except it was NOT fine! With the new schedule, there is no room for me to work out unless I can miraculously pull getting off at 4:00 pm out of my butt. That's not going to happen when my department at work is incredibly short staffed!
Anyway...I went on to the school anyway. I figured I'd wait for DB and chatter at him. I was pretty much shoved away by the pomposity of the person who "runs" the place when Mr. M is out of town. He told me, "We're working on THIRD DAN material. NO CLASSES!" I was so angry that I sent off a couple of scathing text messages to DB and my friend, S as I left. (She was at school (her REAL job!) and couldn't read my texts until she went home.) By that time, I was sitting on my couch, irritated beyond belief and grumbling. I even wrote a notice on Myspace that said "I am 100% deserving of respect, especially from boys 20+ years younger than me!" The 'boy' who was so rude to me is something like 20 years old. I'm 43. There is no reason to be that arrogant and rude.
I am going to talk to Mr. M whenever he gets back into town and find out exactly what the school is going to do or not do. I'm fed up with being treated like a poster child for "LOOK! Fat people can get black belts!" I'm tired of being ignored. I have second Dan material I'm supposed to be learning. I was told, "Oh, you only have to learn two forms between first and second Dan." I barely know one of my forms. I need a LOT of help with it!! I'm not getting the help. If I can't get help there, I'm going somewhere else, where they will accept me with my limitations and where they'll look at me and see the person who earned a black belt, not just some fat person who is in their studio.

I have more to say but for now, I'm at work and need to get busy with my normal day.

My mind is blue.

Your Mind is Blue

Of all the mind types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What Color Is Your Mind?

General ramblings

Today's a pretty laid back day. Yesterday, while the kids and I were out at the tournament, Tony rented a carpet steamer and cleaned up the carpet. It now looks wonderful! He also cleared out that huge box of books that was in the living room, waiting to go to Half Price. They're gone. He and Amanda just took them up there and are going to the comic book store after that. Aidan and I stayed here. He didn't want to go out. We walked to the mailbox and back. That was the extent of our journey "out". He just wants to hang around the house today and I'm not going to discourage that.

Tomorrow is the start of another three days of filling in for my manager while he's out on vacation. He sent out an email to the guys, telling them to help me and be cooperative. Hooray. Whether or not they listen is up to them. I am anticipating a good three days. It doesn't have to be all bad just because he's not there.

I have CIT tomorrow as well as the regular class for the kids. We'll see how that works out. I haven't really given much thought to how the day will go. I'm going to go armed with a bottle of water for each of the kids and myself. I'm going to get my gear together tonight, plus I need to take V's sparring gear back to her. I still need to do something nice for her since she was so sweet and let Aidan borrow it.

Tuesday, my young man will make his first foray to the public swimming pool with his school. He'll enjoy that, I know. He always does.
I really ought to look into swimming lessons for both kids. I think it would be worth it. I think I'll poke around on the City of Allen website and see if they have any classes listed. I want them to be able to swim better than me, which is to say anything is better than me. I can swim but not the best. I want these two to be comfortable in the water.

If you think about it, please keep a good thought for me--I applied for a job with the school district and hope to hear from them. I haven't told my manager that I applied yet. I need to tell my director that I'm using him as a reference. I also have a reference letter from the president's secretary. That'll help, I hope. I want to get out of my current job because it's a very stressful job and there's no chance that I'll ever be promoted. I'm realistic enough to know that it's just NOT going to happen. I've been there for nearly 20 years. September 1st will be 19. I actually started as a temporary worker on June 1, 1989, but went permanent on September 1, 1989, so that's my anniversary date. I'm tired. I've had a long run with this company. I've gone through multiple layoffs, including one where I was actually laid off but "transitioned". That meant that I was supposed to be gone after they made good with the transition phase of the layoff. Then they extended it by three months, then another three. Finally they just said, "You're staying on, sign these papers." That was in 1994-95 (before my daughter was born). Not a whole lot has changed, other than the department has dwindled from having many people to having few. We are currently a department of 6. Our new guy isn't quite ready to get on the phone solo, but as of tomorrow, he's up. We just need all the help we can get. Needless to say, he's primarily there as the network guy, so he'll get the network calls and the rest of us will get everything else. We'll see how that goes. I'm not going to predict anything. He IS a person with a lot of networking/computer experience. It'll ease MY load and D's a bit, I know. I think if he takes the majority of the network calls (and Al too!), that'll make the other four of us breathe a huge sigh of relief and we'll be a lot more productive.

Saturday

Today was Aidan's first tournament since he joined the Competition Team. He did pretty well. It wasn't as crisp and wonderful as some of the other kids, but you know what? The little guy deserves a gold medal in my opinion because he put himself out there. We had little communication from his coach and no idea of what we were supposed to do other than sit and wait. And wait. And wait some more.
We were directed to the wrong ring to start out with, sat there for a while, then asked questions and were told, "oh you're in the wrong place". He did not get to compete in "Traditional forms", but instead was able to do his "a-okay kata". I sat there and fumed because not one person from his "team" showed up to cheer him on or see that he was in the right place. It was "meet at the convention center at 9:00 am sharp". When I FINALLY got Amanda and I paid for and our bands on our wrists, I didn't know where my groups was. I had no idea where my son was in this hall. I found him. Found the owner of USMA. Found the coach. Found a couple of other people from his team. They're all teenagers, so they were off in their own rings, waiting to perform.

After wasting a LOT of time at the wrong ring, we got to the correct ring and waited some more. We found out by accident that he'd been entered incorrectly as an Intermediate when they called him up and then told him he wasn't able to do his form with that group. Poor guy! We had to go to the front desk, where they had a computer and re-register him as an advanced belt. Apparently a brown/black belt qualifies as an Advanced belt. Okay.

So, after registering him *correctly*, it was a race to the men's room so he could use it (he was patiently waiting until they told him he wasn't going to perform at that time), then back to our ring. Then we waited for the Advanced group to go up. He did a great job of performing his form, even though he boo-booed. He stopped because he realized he'd forgotten something. Ah well. It was a great start. He earned a 9.2, 9.2 and an 8.0 from the three judges. For a first effort, I'm pretty proud of him.

They also entered him in sparring, so we had to borrow some sparring gear from one of the black belts. (Note to self...do something nice for her, she's really sweet for letting him borrow it!) He did fair--he scored one point. His opponent scored 4 on him. We need to work on sparring with him I think. Of course, I also need to get him the rest of his sparring gear IF we're going to continue this. It all hinges on whether or not the school manages to stay around after the summer. I'm still skeptical about that. I keep hearing things...

Little boy hated the sparring because his mouth guard is too big for him and it hurt, but he was a trooper and did his best. I'm proud of him.

After they released him, we took off and headed home. We nearly got run over by a rude woman in a shiny new car who thought that either I was driving too slowly or that she had the right of way to pass me *on the left* on a single lane entrance ramp. Then another oh so charming driver cut me off and tried to push me onto the shoulder as I tried to enter the highway. Is it any wonder I freak out?? My poor kids had their ears blistered because I was so stressed and angry. I'd best hope they don't repeat that stuff because people will KNOW it came from their parent!!! I didn't check out with the coach, nor did I say goodbye to anyone. It was an awkward experience but now I know that if we go again, I need to make sure I don't bring Amanda and I am prepared to be a pack mule to carry stuff everywhere--there isn't a place to put your stuff that's safe there.

Update

I've decided to attend class tonight. I want to go and get in a workout this week, PLUS I want to see if the other black belts are sticking it out...

Reconnaissance, day two...

I have been in touch with another school and will meander over that way to see what they're all about. It's actually somewhat interesting to do research on the different schools in the area. The one I'm considering looking into answered an email I sent them, so that made me feel pretty good. They didn't seem to have an issue with me being a Cho Dan in a different school. Good, because I feel that something's going to happen this summer. I don't know if my contract is going to be sold yet, but I know that people are abandoning ship. My friend, J, may have found another school. He visited them yesterday. The good thing there is that they'll keep him at the same rank he's at now. This is always a good thing.

I've been asking if my belt will transfer over. I can't imagine giving up my belt because it was in one trad. Master Fox said that she would run a test to see what the level of training was. She said she wasn't interested in changing a person, but rather, molding them into a black belt in *her* school. That's a good thing to think about. I don't want someone to look at me and decide that since I'm a large person, I'm obviously not serious, therefore I have to start all over.


I am halfway decided that I'll attend the black belt class at 6:15 tonight. If I do, it'll be from 6:15 until 7:00. I'm curious about the size of the class, who is there, etc. I also wonder if Mr. M is going to teach or if it'll be one of his senior instructors. I really hope it's him. I haven't taken a class that he's taught in a while. Fridays are going to be interesting if I take classes. That means that for an hour, I'm not going to be home with the kids. It's a GREAT way to get past the stress of the work week though.

Reconnaissance

Tonight I went to International Martial Arts to look at the place and talk to Master Fox. She teaches Taekwondo, Jujitsu and something else. I'm not sure what it was off the top of my head. I have her card in my purse. She was a very nice person. She's strict too. When I walked into the dojang, she was in the middle of a class. She was watching a group of students doing blocks. I was impressed that she was involved in the class herself. She was able to monitor all the kids who were working on their technique. She was at one end of the room and I watched her walk down to the other end of the room, correct a couple of kids, then go back to her original position.

When I spoke to her, she said that she was willing to take a black belt on, but she'd have to retest the kids to make sure they knew what they were supposed to know to be at the belt level they are in at this point. Another thing is that her belt ranks are a little different from where the kids are right now. Amanda might be a green black, but Aidan wouldn't be brown/black. Plus, she did say that it would take 4-6 years to earn a black belt in her school. Interesting.
I'm going to see if DB would take a class with me. She's invited me to come take a class and see if it's something I'd feel comfortable going into.
She did say that Taekwondo is a lot of kicking, so that's something else to consider. I could always get great leg strength! LOL!

My friend, J called me up and told me about a great school he found today. He went over and looked at it. There's no commitment in a huge lump sum, so that's a good thing. I may go look into that too.
I'm definitely investigating my options...

Day one in the "new home"

Day one in the new place and it felt WEIRD!! The studios are small---there's only one that was big enough to handle a lot of people and the competition team got that. The MMA class got the next large room and the LT class got the smallest one. It was not a comfortable fit. NB was teaching that class. I'm not overly excited by him. I didn't take that class either because I got busy talking to a couple of friends I haven't seen in a while. Their sons are instructors and are also training for their third Dan. They'll be testing in November (insert cynical IF we still have a studio!). I'm supposed to be testing in November as well. I'm not sure I'll even know what I'm supposed to know by the time that rolls around.

I was talking to DB today and told him I was going to look at a couple of other places. Master Fox has a studio down the road from me, so I'm going to go over there and talk to her. I've heard that everyone in her school is required to compete, but I want to hear from her about that. It'll be good to see what other people are teaching. She's a Tang Soo Do instructor. From what I hear, she doesn't have a Leadership Team or even an instructor program. This is all what Mr. M said to me on Saturday. He also said that he's looking into trying to sell our contracts to other martial arts schools. I would seriously hope that he would stay in the business, but I think I'm seeing the writing on the walls. It really looks to me like he's not going to stay with it. That's just my personal feeling and doesn't necessarily reflect the management's opinions.

So, yesterday when we went, he came out and told us to come in the unlocked door. That was pretty much all he said to me, other than asking me why I didn't attend class. When I told him I didn't want to take up a lot of room (I'm a large person, after all), he shrugged and walked away. Or rolled his eyes. I'm not sure which. He never did talk to me about anything else.

I'm alternating between intense sadness and irritation that things have changed. I am a creature of habit and I do NOT like changes, especially when the changes are constantly happening. I consider myself adaptable and try to roll with the punches, but when the changes happen on a weekly or daily basis, it gets frustrating. It also helps when there's a little thing called COMMUNICATION involved too! If you don't have communication, how are you going to explain the changes????

There isn't a class tonight. We're only there on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays now. I have to get the kids to the Monday 6:15-7:00 class and then they'll be there an extra hour while I attend the CIT class. That is, of course, assuming I'm still an assistant instructor. I haven't heard whether or not that's the case.

I'm looking at the bright side though. As Potato Fist reminded me, there is always a plus side. We might do really well in this location and turn out some fabulous martial artists. Need to really give it a chance. There's another plus side in my personal life...I'll be able to start going back to WW on Saturday mornings. This will help out immensely and I'll get my weight loss going again!!

All's quiet on the home front...

After multiple appointments, we are home for the afternoon/evening. I have been taxi-ing the kids to multiple appointments today. This was the teenager's day for catching up. I had her to her GP's office, to the oral surgeon's office and to the dermatologist's office. Now we're home and the kids are in my room, playing on the Wii. They're playing "Catz" which Aidan got for her for her birthday. Me? I'm playing on my computer, surfing Myspace, etc. I really need to think about making dinner as Tony will be home soon, but I'm relaxing with the computer.

Tonight I don't have Martial Arts since our school has moved. I have to figure out the best possible time to get the kids to class. He doesn't make it easy for me. I also see that I'll need to be at class on Mondays for CIT, Wednesday for my 'normal' class and Friday for a black belt class. That will get me my twice a week plus CIT. Beyond that, I don't know what's going to happen.

I do know that I haven't received any of the emails about the class schedule changing. What I have, I got from DB this morning because HE keeps me in the loop! I'm beginning to wonder if my loyalty is misplaced? I try very hard to be available and yet, I don't seem to get the communication I need. I know others have mentioned communication too. Is it any wonder I get frustrated?! I don't know how tenuous my position (or lack thereof) is over at the school. Yes, I found out Saturday morning that we were leaving immediately, but I didn't even get an email saying "here's the schedule. We're doing this..." It makes me wonder if it's an intentional or unintentional exclusion????

New schedule

Basic
Monday 4:45 - 5:30
Wednesday 6:15 -7:00
Friday 7:00 -7:45

Leadership/BBC
Level 1 & 2
Monday 5:30 - 6:15
Wednesday 7:00 - 7:45
Friday 4:45 - 5:30

Leadership/BBC
Level 3 & Black Belt
Monday 6:15 - 7:00
Wednesday 4:45 - 5:30
Friday 5:30 - 6:15

Black Belt and Above
Monday 6:15 -7:00
Wednesday 5:30 - 6:15
Friday 6:15 -7:00

Specialty Classes
Instructor Classes Mondays 7:00 - 8:00
Competition Team Wednesday 7:00 to 8:00
\
These are the new times for me and the kids. I'll have to get to Black Belt class on Fridays and I'll have to go on Mondays. I don't see a convenient time for anything else right now.

101 on Father's Day!!

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, including my "younger brother". You're wished a wonderful day and I hope your family spoiled you rotten!!

It reached the century mark here at home today. 101. Yuck. I hate temps this high. Air conditioning is going to be my best friend for the longest amount of time this summer! I think we're going to have a heat wave of 100+ degree temps for the next two months.

Last night we went to see the Frisco Rough Riders for Boy Scout Night. It was a lot of fun. The Rough Riders were playing the Corpus Christi Hooks last night. How funny and ironic that we were in Corpus last weekend and the Hooks were playing at home. I wonder who they were playing?! (Just checked and it was the Midland Rockhounds.) I'll have to download the picture of Aidan with Deuce, the mascot of the RR's. It was too cute. He got Deuce's autograph, the Bennigan's Leprechaun's autograph and all the "Diamonds" (the 'cheer team') on his hat. The Boy Scouts got a hat and a patch for attending. Aidan was the only one from his pack who participated in the parade of Boy Scouts before the National Anthem played. They all lined up on the infield perimeter. It was an impressive sight. Aidan was in with a "foreign" pack because our pack wasn't in sight. Turns out that the only leader who was in uniform wasn't there until the second or third inning. Ah well.

Saturday news

Aidan didn't go running with the competition team this morning. He and one other little guy were there and ready to go but...the other little guy has a broken arm and is out of commission. One of the young ladies of the group doesn't like to run and they were worried that with MY guy being so small, they'd lose him, so they sent him inside with the other little guy to work with the young lady on their form. They have a competition next weekend, so that's a good thing.

I took Amanda to have a facial this morning as a birthday present. This was her first facial. She enjoyed it immensely. She was asking to do it again. hee hee. I've corrupted the silly girl. We went to Target after the facial and spent some time walking around together. I was very glad to be out with her. Some days she and I are at each other's throats, but today was different. She was relaxed and calm. It was worth it to me. I'd love to do it again some time.


I had a nice long talk with Mr. M this morning. We're closing the doors to our school and are taking up temporary residence in a different location while he searches for a way to make things work out. It's a little questionable as to whether or not we're going to keep things going on past this summer. I haven't told DB yet. He's going to find out by surprise if he reads the blog!! I've been trying to text him and call him but he's doing stuff with his family (they've got a couple of soccer players in the family). I'm going to wait and see what he says a little bit later.

A car saga

I spent the day "All stressed out and no one to choke" today. I got to work and tried to turn the car off and remove the key from the ignition. It would not budge. Not a all. I couldn't even turn the car off. I finally gave up and popped the clutch, which of course, stops the engine. It's certainly NOT good for the transmission, I'm sure.
My director showed up at one point and I asked him if he knew anything about cars. He looked at the car, climbed in and proceeded to do exactly everything I'd done (minus raising and lowering the steering wheel). It still wouldn't stop or anything. We wound up locking the car and going back inside. Everyone who came in after me came up to me and warned me that my lights were on. (the Saturn Ion has the lights on automatically when you're running it that way. I choose to run it in "auto" because I don't have to fuss with "did I remember to turn off the lights?")

So, after all was said and done, one of the guys managed to get into the trunk of the car and pulled one of the battery cables off the car. The battery's in the trunk on the Saturn as an engineering design. I found that out the hard way. We couldn't get into the car after he pulled the cable off. That took all the power off. We wound up running out to the apartment and getting the spare keys, then running back to work. I spent another 2 hours at work, fuming and wondering if I was going to get my car worked on and adamantly telling anyone who would listen to me that I was NOT going to pay for the repair on my car as it's *just* past warranty. I was a month out and felt that it was most unfair for me to have to pay $350-700.00 (quoted by the dealership) for repairs.

By the time I got to the dealership and talked to them, they referred me off to Saturn Customer Assistance who put me through a modified form of 20 Questions. They then told me that they'd call me tomorrow (NO!!!!!) and tell me IF I'd get assistance. I grudgingly agreed. They had me over a barrel!
Sooo...I got back to work and fumed and mumbled and took calls. About an hour and a half after we dropped the car off, they called me up and told me that they were going to cover the repairs as a courtesy to me. HOORAY FOR SATURN!!
I am most pleased, to say the very least!! I didn't pay for the replacement of the steering column housing, cylinder or the actuator inside which was broken. It could have set me back quite a bit, so I'm not going to complain about it at all.

I got home late because I had to go to the dealership and pick up my car. I haven't been to the dojang at all tonight. I was considering going to a class today but that was sidelined by the car. I'm not going tomorrow because we're closed on Friday. Saturday is Competition Team for the little guy (they're running 3 miles! He's not going to make that, I'm sure, but he could surprise me!). I was invited to run with them and I laughed at the instructor. Yeah...getting ME to run anywhere is a major miracle. I ran inside the training room last night because I was told to, but that's a huge difference from running 3 miles outside. We shall see what happens!

Back from Corpus Christi...

HI there!! We are back!!! Back online as well! Tony says the Internet went down on Friday afternoon. It wasn't online when I got home yesterday. We didn't get it online until this afternoon! :( Boo hiss! This is what happens when you think it's going to be better to upgrade your DSL...unfortunately, the lovely sales rep didn't bother to tell me that they were going to disable my internet. I was in total "freak out mode" last night. Oh well...I was too tired to do much last night anyway! Aidan and I were up at 6:45 yesterday and on the road for 8+ hours.

Speaking of being on the road, let's see...we had a blast in Corpus Christi! It was a lot of fun. We met at the school at 6:00 am on Friday, left by 6:30 and were in the Waco area by 8:00 for the first of several stops. We herded all our boys out the door and to the rest rooms. It took us about 25 minutes to get all the boys through the line and back into the cars. From there, we took off and headed South, towards Austin. We got to Austin by eleven o'clock and let me tell you this...I DESPISE Austin traffic!! We were in stop and go traffic for 30-40 minutes or so. ICK!! We stopped in Austin for gas and spent $42.00 for a half a tank!! It was $42.00 on the way back as well, then another $24.00 to top off.

We stopped at a Chik Fil A for lunch at some place just off of 35, near Bergstrom AFB. We saw a few military people who came over for lunch. Our guys weren't really all that interested in the military guys at that point. We finished our lunches and then jumped out to our cars and left again. From there, it was a hop, skip and a jump (not literally) to get down to Corpus. Our route, if you're interested, was Highway 75 South to I-35 South through Waco and then down to Austin and San Antonio. We took 410 S to I-37 South and went all the way in to Corpus Christi. Our destination was JUST over the Corpus Christi Harbor/Nueces Bay bridge. Yeah, my favorite...a bridge!!

We arrived at the USS Lexington at 2:30. Our caravan parked underneath the bridge, as a matter of fact. We had to haul our belongings up the ramp and into the ship. We were ushered into a VERY hot ship! It was not air conditioned at all. The boys were sent to stand in a taped off area where they got their briefing. They always had to say "Yes sir!" or "No sir!". They were to keep their shirts tucked in and their hands OUT of their pockets! (Pockets are for your junk not your hands!). They were also told NOT to open closed doors. No going out of the berthing area without an adult. Absolutely NO RUNNING on the ship. The boys had to attend General Muster in full uniform. They were required to be in uniform for Evening Colors as well.

They took the boys down to their berthing area, then led us to ours. Our beds were called "racks". We were allowed a "rack" and a locker. After we got settled, rolled out our sleeping bags and put away our valuables (locked up, of course!), then the ship was ours to explore until 4:45. We did some of the self guided tours, then sent the boys down to change, we got freshened up and got back upstairs to get ourselves to Hangar Bay 2. They held General Muster there, explained the rules, warned us that IF there was a fire on the ship, we needed to get above decks as quickly as possible. We were also to put on shoes as we didn't need burned feet (the decks are metal and did melt "heat resistant" boots during the last fire). He also requested that we put on clothing before going upstairs. If we weren't, he'd send us back below to put it on! LOL!!

After Muster, he sent us downstairs to the Mess Hall. That was a nightmare! Down a flight of (NARROW) stairs, to the right, through a hall and through a plastic curtain. The people who were not fortunate enough to get into the hallway through the plastic curtain were not lucky at all. Our den leader came in soaked through. It wasn't a pretty sight, let me tell you!

We ate off metal trays (called "kids" because Cabin boys used to serve the officers on these trays). Friday's dinner was...ummm, what WAS it?? OH, yeah...Grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and a roll. There was lemonade in the eating area if you wanted it. I don't think there was a single bit of greenery on that plate!

After dinner, we went back up to Hangar Bay 2. We milled around until 6:30, then attended a movie in the theater. It was called "Fighter Pilot-Red Flag". GREAT movie! I had to focus on the pilot's helmet or I'd have been ill as it was an Imax movie and it was dizzying. The screen was 66 feet tall, just so you have an idea of the scale of the thing! Noisy and LOUD!!! Most impressive and enjoyable too.

After the movie, most of us migrated up to the flight deck. We'd been up earlier in the afternoon, looking around and admiring all the old planes. We say Corsairs, an F-18 (??) Tomcat, an F-14, a Cobra (really cool!) and several of the planes used as trainers. I don't remember all the trainer planes' names. They were impressive. On that flight deck, also, there was a patch of wood from the original decking. It was in poor condition, but it was still there. Teak. Impressive!!

We met down in Hangar Bay 2 for a flag ceremony and Evening Colors. Our Cub Scouts were honored to take down the flag and fold it up after the flag ceremony. We learned about all the different flags our country has had flying over its shores. The "Don't Tread on Me" flag, the "Betsey Ross" flag, then the one we use today. PLUS, there were the flags of each of the 5 branches of the military as well as the POW flag. After that, they retired the colors for the night and our boys got to hep with that. Everyone said the Pledge of Allegiance and I swear, none of the Scouts' parents had a dry eye after that! I know *I* didn't!
I was also kind of teary eyed when the soldier who instructed the boys in the flag folding, saluted Aidan a little longer.

We roamed around the ship some more, then everyone went up to the flight deck to try to catch the fireworks that were supposed to go off at the conclusion of the Corpus Christi Cats' game. That didn't happen, so everyone went downstairs to the berthing area, got showered and went to bed. It was good that we did because they played Tattoo (the precursor to Taps) and warned us that we needed to get ourselves to bed soon. Then they played Taps and the lights went out.

The lights went back on and they played Revillie (sp?) at 6:45 am on the nose! We had 30 minutes to get ourselves up, showered if necessary and on the deck in time for Morning Colors and then breakfast. They were kind enough to give us coffee, which made for several happy adults (and some kids too!). They raised the flag, then we headed down for breakfast, which wasn't 100% ready. Breakfast was French toast, sausage, gross eggs, (they were NASTY!) and cereal and fruit. Plus OJ. LOL! The sausage and FT was okay. The eggs...ewww! I tossed mine!

After breakfast, we all gathered, got our lunches for the day and a token for escaping the parking lot, then we went off to our Saturday destination. We all went to the Corpus Christi Museum of Science and History. We took a tour of Columbus' ships. The Spanish government had created replicas of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. The Nina was undergoing deck renovations, so we just looked at it. Here's a little bit of blurb about it:

The ships are reproductions built by Spain to commemorate the 500th anniversary of Christopher Columbus' voyages to the New World. They took five years to build and cost $6.5 million. The three ships embarked on a tour of the Mediterranean and Atlantic ports of Europe in 1990 and 1991. After a successful tour of 18 United States ports, they arrived at their permanent home in Corpus Christi in 1993. The Pinta and Santa Maria are located at the Corpus Christi Museum of Science and History. There are no guided tours of the Nina, moored at the Corpus Christi Marina, but can be viewed from the dock.



This is the museum with the Lexington in the background.

After the tour, we all dispersed for an unplanned afternoon. Most of our party went to the beach. The guys I rode down with drove us up and down Shoreline Boulevard in Corpus, looking at houses. We also managed to find ourselves a CVS, where I got Aidan some shampoo (bad mommy forgot to pack it!). He and I got back up on the ship and changed ourselves. Then we went down to the beach and walked around a little. I tell you, my sandals were NOT meant for walking in the sand. Neither were bare feet! That sand was hard! It was mainly gravel and shells with some sand. I think it'd have been better if we'd gone to Padre, but I have an issue with bridges, so, um, NO.

Saturday night there were in excess of 300 Scouts on board. That was a combination of Boys, Cubs and Girl Scouts. One troop came from as far away as Arkansas. They had to do our meals in shifts. Half the group went in one shift at 5:30, the other half went at 6:00. Then we had movies again (same movie for 6:30 and 7:00 showings, darn! I wanted to see Lewis and Clark!). Our group went up to the flight deck for Evening Colors. The nice gentleman who saluted Aidan the night before opened up the Cobra (helicopter) and let all the boys sit in it. Then we did our flag ceremony and he put it away. There was a wedding reception being held in Hangar Bay 2, so we were closed off from that. We had to get to the Mess Hall via the Quartermaster's office.

They held a scavenger hunt. It was so hot and so humid that our team gave up after covering the flight deck and the escalator. We were tired of the heat, humidity and wind! Man! That flight deck was just horrible for wind!!
They were telling the Saturday rendition of Ghost Stories (they were some way cool stories, I tell you!), so some of us just lingered at the fast food place called "the Mess Deck", bought cold water (MMMMM!) and/or ice cream. Then we decided that since there was a huge crowd, we ought to go down to our racks and get ready for bed. Some of us showered that night so we'd not have to fight the crowd the next day. It was good that we did!!

The group of Girl Scouts we were bunking with just would NOT shut up when they called Lights Out. The lights didn't go out automatically this night, so I went over and shut them off. Told all the girls to shut up and go to sleep. Someone decided to be a butt, and got up with their flash lights. I went back over with mine, told them "lights OUT! GO. TO. SLEEP!" They still kept giggling and talking, even after that (and I was spazzing out, laughing into my pillow for being such a beyotch!!), that I finally went back over (sans glasses) and told them, "you are NOT being respectful to us. WE are being respectful to YOU. Now. GO TO SLEEP!! DO NOT MAKE ME COME OVER HERE AGAIN!!" They kept the whispering to a dull roar then.
Our ladies (the moms of our Cubs) did the high five thing (quietly) and cheered. The girls just weren't listening to their troop leaders so I stepped in and put on my mean voice. hahaha!!

Came home yesterday morning. Got home at 4:00. Tony cooked dinner, Aidan and I just chilled. I fell asleep at 9:00 and went to bed. I didn't get up until 6:30 this morning. Time to get back into a "normal" routine tomorrow.

Today, Amanda had oral surgery to remove her implant that was supposed to anchor her teeth. She's doing fine but needs another dose of meds to keep up with the doctor's orders. She has a follow up appointment next Monday. It's a good thing I'm off that day!

I probably won't get to comment to everyone for a while. I'm still on vacation time. I'll try to start getting caught up tomorrow.

Monday again

Today has been a great day and the end to my long weekend. However, I only go to work for two days, then I'm off again for another four day weekend...no, I take that back! The next weekend will be a five day weekend! LOL!!
I'm going to Corpus Christi with Aidan this coming weekend. We leave at 5:00 am and will get to Corpus by 1-2 in the afternoon. We are going to visit the USS Lexington next weekend with Den 2 of our Cub Scout Pack. They didn't have enough people to make up the requirement, so they opened it up to others in the Pack. I, of course, jumped up and down and begged to go (not literally), so we're going. I'm looking forward to it more than Aidan is!! hee hee!!

I went to class tonight and actually got in a workout! I felt it tonight. I worked on one of my second dan forms and some of the older forms that I need to practice. I can tell I haven't been working on them since I had an issue remembering the moves. Nahainchi Ee Dan starts out with a step with your left foot in front of your right. At the same time, you bring your hands up in front of your body and then pull them apart, elbowing an attacker in the sternum at either side. Then you kick with your right foot in front of your left (to the shin), step down and with your right hand and left hands, block in a modified "C". (That's a middle block with the right hand and a punch simultaneously with the left hand to the sternum. I know that some of you are thinking "why is she telling me this", so I'll leave it at that for now. It's really cool to see at full speed. Of course, I had to fiddle with it until I got it back in my head. Mr. Laabs wanted to work on Jin Do but I don't remember that one at all. I haven't worked on it nearly as much as I have on Nahainch Ee Dan. I've got to get the arm movement at the end, the one that looks like "Dark Wing Duck" (that was DB's name for it, not mine!) down. I really need to get it set in my mind so that I can keep working on it. I need to bring out my books and study up.

I came home from class and Tony and the kids surprised me with a cake. They spelled out 43 on it in candles (not literally 43 candles, just a 4 and a 3). I made a wish and blew out the candles. They went out on the first blow. YAY! Hopefully my wish will come true! I won't say what it was because that'll mean that it won't come true!!

I'm going back to work tomorrow. Oh how fun. I'm not looking forward to that, but at the same time, I only have to get through 2 days of it. I think we'll be short handed tomorrow. One of the guys is going to drive to Lubbock tomorrow to see his son graduate from Texas Tech. I think that's what he said. I'm pretty sure he won't be there. I'll be surprised if he is. I'll just have to wait and see.

Random thoughts

What do I want out of life?? Beyond the usual, work, eat, sleep, be mom, etc, what do I want??

I want to feel useful. Especially, I want to be useful at the dojang. I want to be respected for the fact that I worked hard to earn my black belt. I don't want to be seen as the "poster child" for "look! A fat person CAN become a black belt!" Sometimes I feel like that. I was told that this coming week at the dojang is going to be a "showcase for black belts to demonstrate their abilities" for the various classes. That doesn't include me, apparently, because I've not been asked to demonstrate anything. Nor have I been told anything about Friday night, other than I must be there. (Friday's the gup test.) I'm not sitting on the "Board"...I'm not anywhere close to that. I will just be there, roaming the room, helping keep kids in line, making sure everyone is ready for sparring.

In a lot of ways, I'm frustrated. In my usual classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, we're not working on any of the higher forms. I haven't worked on Jin Do or Nahainchi Ee Dan for well over a month, not since Mr. M met with the MHK gurus and became the Southwestern Franchise/coordinator for them. I haven't done anything to advance myself toward my second Dan. I don't know any new one steps. It's been pretty much sparring and technique. There's only so much technique you can practice before you get frustrated with it. I would like to get a chance to practice my material too, before we change the curriculum. They're going to make it a TKD oriented class from here on out. Starting in June, we'll be switching to the curriculum MHK is teaching. We're already working on "practice records". I'm a bit miffed about that because I can't get my kids to work on practicing. I need to be a hard nose about forcing them to practice. They will have to present two of these practice records in order to be allowed to test in July. That means that if they don't turn them in due to lack of practice, I will have failed as a parent and as an instructor. I can't keep them motivated outside of class to practice more.

We've got The Today Show coming in on Tuesday to film a segment for their show (on Autism) on one of our students. He's one of our Young Warriors. I'm not needed for that--I asked yesterday. I was told that more than enough instructors are going to be there. Okay, fine. No problem. I'll stay home and watch Gene Simmons.

Tony is afraid that I'm being overlooked. He told me that yesterday. I'm just a face in the crowd. Nobody really knows who I am. At this point, I'm not even teaching classes. I haven't been bumped up to full instructor. That's not likely to happen anyway. Six of the other instructors left and he's not replacing them. He's got Mr. B, Mr. B (yes, their last names both begin with "B") And there's my friend, DB, and Mr. T. Mr. M the younger also teaches at the school. No, they don't need me. I'll learn how to teach. I'll be able to lead warm ups and work with little kids, if needed. I'm not ever going to make full instructor and I'm fully aware of that.

I need to re-focus myself on working hard and doing more than just proving that an overweight old woman can earn a black belt. I want to earn my second Dan. I CAN and WILL do it. I'm going to make sure that they see me for who I really am, not just as "Hey, look! If you want to see a success story, look here! We have succeeded in molding this into a black belt."
No, that's not who I am. That's not what I want.

I don't have superior kicks and punches. I don't look spectacular when I'm sparring. I HATE sparring, but that's a different story. What I want is to prove to myself that I'm strong enough to pick up and earn my second Dan. I want to prove that I've got what it takes to continue on and get my belt. I deserve that belt and I'm going to prove it to myself!

Bassai form

Who turned on Summer and Martial Arts babbling

Please tell me WHO decided that 99 degrees was a good temperature for May 19th?? Can we say "wicked HOT"?? Yep, it was that kind of a day!! Hotter than Hades (almost) and certainly NOT comfortable!! Very much a "stay inside in the air conditioning" type of day. My office is already at super freeze mode, which means I wear a sweater most of the day, but going out at night, I don't need it. I also won't run the a/c in my car because 1. Gas prices are outrageous and 2. I don't need air until I pick up Aidan from school. HE needs the a/c. Since I'm "old" (2 weeks and I'll be "older still") and get chilled easily, I don't run the air.

Aidan and I went to class tonight. I got Mr. T to work with him on forms and technique. We really worked on his front stances. Since he was in Young Warriors and was bumped up when he reached black belt in there, he's never had the opportunity to correct his stances. Tonight we worked very hard on correcting his stances. He's a brown belt and is just now getting the stance correct. Fortunately, the older Mr. B (he's a third Dan, working toward fourth) was very patient and worked hard with him tonight to help him correct his stances.

I worked on forms during class. I really like doing forms better than I like sparring or some of the other things. The joint locks are fun, the weapons are fun, but I prefer the forms myself. It's somehow soothing and helps me refocus. It's somehow meditative as well as thought provoking. I can turn off my mind and just put myself into the matter at hand, that of doing the forms.
We ran through Kee Cho Hyung Il Bu, Kee Cho Hyung Ee Bu and Kee Cho Hyung Sam Bu, then Pyung Ahn Cho Dan. After that, we worked on Pyung Ahn Ee Dan, then Sam Dan, Sah Dan and then Oh Dan. We didn't work on any of the higher forms, but that's fine by me. I was able to refocus and get my head wrapped around the forms properly. I always mess up and confuse Sam Dan and Sah Dan. I call Sam Dan "Superman". I call Sah Dan "Splat!" I call them so for the way they look when you're doing them. Sam Dan has a move that looks like Superman puffing out his chest. Sah Dan starts out with a "Splat!" to the left, then a "splat" (two open hands, palms outward, one in a high block, one in a low block). I really like those forms. I like Pyung Ahn Oh Dan best though. That one's a fun one.

Next month we're starting a new curriculum at the dojang. We'll be working on Tae Kwan Do instead of Tang Soo Do. I'll still be a black belt, but my forms are now going to change. As it's standing, it'll be interesting to see how things work out for the black belt test in November. I'm supposed to be learning Jin Do, but nobody's worked on that form in several weeks. For my second Dan, I have to know Jin Do and Nahainchi Ee Dan. I just have to start working on them. I'm debating on whether or not I should attend the black belt class tomorrow. If I go, I'm not sure they'll be working on forms or if they'll be working on sparring. I'll have to play that one by ear. I don't know if I want to skip out and stay home or not yet. It all depends on how my day goes tomorrow.